Hi I’m not sure what to put here but I (f20) and my fiancé (m24) have been together for 3/4 years and it’s been good! a few bigger fights but never physical just shouting, I have ptsd from my past (childhood,my one other bf before him lol) and he knows this anyways we were getting a shower together and the shower head fell bc he didn’t putt it back right and it fell and hit him in the back so he started banging and hitting it right beside where my face was, I’m not sure he’s never done that before he’s screamed at our dogs tonight too calling them fing R***ded anyways sorry for the rambling I’m just really scared and idk I started crying and he got upset I was”mad at him” and I told him I’m not mad I just got scared and he got more upset at that idk I’m just wondering if it’s okay for that to happen like me being scared or whatever idk this is my second serious relationship and I love him so much it’s just like what the heck he’s also had a really rough time at work so maybe that’s what happened and the fustration of the shower caused him to snap? Idk
TW My fiancé slammed the shower head by my face against the wall while showering
r/Advice
Comments
that’s not okay, anger like that is dangerous, not just “losing temper” if someone can do that in a moment of anger, imagine what else they’re capable of, take it seriously
That wasn’t a slip up it was a warning shot. If someone can explode with violence near you once they can do it to you next and love shouldn’t feel like survival.
Feeling scared is normal, what he did wasn’t okay. Anger or stress doesn’t excuse scaring you. Big red flag. Trust your gut.
It’s absolutely okay to feel scared what happened crossed a line. Anger is one thing, but putting you in harm’s way isn’t okay. Please trust your feelings and consider reaching out to someone you trust or a professional for support. Your safety and well-being come first.
His actions aren’t excuseable but you keep trying to. I get it you love him but he got angry after HE scared you. He fucked up and instead of apologizing or comforting you he got angry. It doesn’t matter how many years you’re together is that the partner you want right now?
My ex’s true colours only showed after 5 years
This is his true colours showing now and this will only escalate no matter how much therapy, no matter how many promises until you are more in fear of leaving than staying
I think you should tell someone close to you and make a plan to leave him and take the dogs with you
It’s best to leave him when he’s out for a long period of time and not to let him know where you have gone. Absolutely do not tell him in advance that you’re leaving him
The dogs absolutely need to come with you for their safety incase he hurt them to punish you and as he’s displaying aggression toward them
Play this safe, fck his feelings and his promises to be better (they are coming) skip all of that now and go straight to keeping you and your dogs safe and out of a years long cycle of abuse and danger
Edit: I’ve just read your ages and he’s been with you since you were only 16 and he was 20. Massive red flag. Major power dynamic problem. Only tells me even more that you need to go now, secretly, take the dogs, run
Take this how you please, my sister and her baby daddy, he sent her to the hospital 3 years in, and 1 child in, she didn’t leave. 13 years now, 3 kids, house, and he almost just took her life, and she is finally put restraining order and divorcing.
I am not saying this will happen to you, God I hope not, but eliminate the 1 factor that is showing the given trend to that point.
This is just a warning of what’s to come. People like this only escalate. He needs serious counseling, and you need to escape for your safety. He is dangerous.
My ex was like that, and I wish I had left before things got bad. My fiancé now may get angry and raise his voice occasionally, but the worst he’s ever done was toss his controller on the bed after getting mad at the game. It wasn’t even hard enough to bounce off and onto the floor.
He’s finally comfortable enough to show who he really is. Believe it. This is the real him, and he’s let the curtain fall. Run fast and be safe.
It’s not ok.
ABSOLUTELY DO NOT get married until he figures his anger out and you get serious therapy.
So you started dating when you were 16 and he was 20?
Girl he crossed a line there it was a warning and this kind of anger is dangerous and mentally damaging don’t just brush off this incident please take it seriously