Tw: SA
9yrs ago I was trafficked by someone I thought was a friend. I was 17 and he was 25. I ran away to his house after being kicked out and sent to a really toxic household. After my dad started drunkenly telling me he wanted to sleep with me, I knew I had to leave. So I went to (let’s call him) A’s house. A ended up drugging me, tying me up, and selling me to men who I didn’t know.
Fast forward to now, I live two towns over and today my husband had an appointment in that town. So we get there and after he goes in for his procedure, I decide to get gas to save on time. I get to the gas station and as I’m waiting in line, A walks in. I don’t think he saw me, and if he did he probably didn’t recognize me, but just seeing him brought up every emotion in the book.
Idk what to do now. I’m in my car sobbing waiting for my husband to get out. I was doing so good mentally and now I feel like everything just crumbled… I can’t go to my husband bc he’s going through enough with his health, I don’t want to add on top of it.
Comments
If you feel safe to do so, I highly recommend talking to your husband about this. Your partner should want to support you in whatever way they can, and if you’re supporting them through health issues, this can give them the opportunity to support you too. You don’t have to feel alone in this.
To help keep yourself calm in the moment, maybe try some box breathing, in for 4, hold for 4, out for 4, hold for 4, repeat.
There’s also sensory grounding. Name 5 things you can see, 4 you can feel, 3 you can hear, 2 you can smell, 1 you can taste.
Also, grounding phrases can be helpful. “I am safe now. This fear belongs in the past. The shame I feel belongs to him and not me.”
I highly recommend trauma-informed therapy if you have access. If not, the book Complex PTSD by Pete Walker has been immensely helpful for me on my healing journey.
Wishing you all the best <3
Jesus, hun, this sounds awful. You are still doing good – anyone would be upset in this situation. I don’t know your husband or your relationship but I don’t think you should bottle this up. If I were him, I’d want you to tell me.
I am so incredibly sorry that you encountered such monsters in your life. Nobody should ever flee from harm only to encounter someone like that.
That that was only 9 years ago, and you have managed to build a new life – that is nothing short of amazing. That you feel like you have crumbled after seeing A is nothing more than human. How you felt was understandable. I am so sorry you ran into that scum.
Oh, I am so very sorry that this happened to you and that you saw A today. Of course you are crying. Anyone would be. I wish I was there for you. You have gone through so much and you are still doing well, mentally. You are having a very natural reaction to a horrible trigger.
It’s just… wow. How messed up must that have felt? You’re not alone in this, and it’s really okay to feel overwhelmed, you’ve been through hell, and you still managed to hold it together for so long. I wish I could give you a hug right now, but even if you can’t talk about it, know that healing is possible, and you deserve peace someday.
❤️ You didn’t cause or deserve what happened to you. I know the fear, anger and pain is hard to sit with right now. Maybe it’s not safe to open up to your husband, but I hope he would love and support you. Consider giving him a chance. Please find someone to help you process and heal through this, it’s too much for anyone to do on your own. Trauma has a way of sneaking up on you when you least expect it. I know seeing my abuser is very triggering and has sent me into a PTSD spiral that can be difficult to break out of. If you feel unsafe by yourself, call 988 if you are in the US or tell a friend.
Please if you feel comfortable talking with your husband about this please do so. You need support right now. As someone who has had a similar situation like this and was faced with my abuser I was not ok after and it took a little while to be ok again. Your husband is your partner and yes he’s having health issues but he can still support you.
You do not have to be alone. This is all re-traumatizing and things that you have worked through could surface again. Let him know how you feel and your fears
Try box breathing, placing your hand on your heart and reminding yourself where you are, grounding phases or mantras. “I am safe. I am not in danger. I am a survivor. I am in a different life now.” And I find it really helpful to go to a safe place in my head. A world that I’ve created that I can be in while I do my breathing and remind myself that I’m safe.
I am so so sorry. You’re not alone.
Please consider contacting RAINN https://rainn.org/resources – a national sexual assault 24/7 hotline for support. You can share with them any and all feelings and memories you’re having. I agree with others that at SOME point it would be ideal to share with your partner, but I would recommend talking to an anonymous, confidential support person to help you cope right now. You have all the time you need to decide who to tell (and how much or how little to tell) the loved ones in your life, you don’t need to make that decision now.
I’m so glad you shared here – you have great instincts and they’ll keep you safe now. My heart goes out to you.
Was he ever charged or faced penalty for this?
If you aren’t seeing a therapist I would definitely do so. Being triggered can send you right back.
EMDR can separate the emotions from the memories, helping with any PTSD you might have.
You need to understand none of this is your fault. People you should have been able to trust were despicable.
Be strong, but get help if you need it.
RAINN hotline:
800.656.HOPE (4673)
Just tell them you need to talk. Most volunteers for RAINN have also experienced sexual violence so they know the importance of having someone to listen. They will also be able to offer you resources in your area like trauma based therapist and support groups.
Don’t try to do this alone.
Hey, honey. You beat him. You escaped, you got a husband and home. You are happy. He’s just a toxic little bug. You are better and smarter and stronger than he will ever be. So wipe your face, and think about all you have achieved. You can do this. We are better than those who did this to us. Ok?