TLDR- Seeking advice in an emotionally conflicting situation
Hello internet. I am posting here because I feel like I don’t have anyone else to talk to. I (18F) and my fiancé (20FTM) have been dating for 4 years. Yes, i know that we are young to be engaged, but it was more of a commitment for a long-term wedding date post college. I am legally blind and my partner is also disabled. I receive a disability check and he works, although right now he is out on medical leave. These past few months, I have just been feeling run down. In this time gap, he and one of his friends were drinking and he hit a mental break and shoved and accidently left a bruise on me. I felt like I had my heart torn out that night.. When i made the 911 call, the reporting officers gave me the option of sending him to jail or sneidng him to get mental help. I chose the ladder half. After a week of being committed, he came home. We only remembered bits and pieces of that night. We tried resuming our normal lives but that level of trust got broken and I feel like we are just co-existing now. I approached him about a month after this incident occurred, and informed him of how I felt; i felt as if we weren’t dating anymore. He said that he thought that we were happy and that he didn’t feel the same way but he understood. I have gone through the scenariosin my head of “what if i left”, but i genuinely don’t know what that reality would look like. Both of our names are of the lease of the apartment we are currectly living in but I am the only one paying bills, buying groceries, etc. He hasnt been able to work since mid-august. He has no family in the area we are in, he moved several states away from them after high school graduation to be in the same state as me and to get away from them. he comes from a very sad and abusive home. Any outside perspective would be greatly appreciated, I am just at a loss right now.