title; im currently deciding between phd programs and confused where to go. my undergrad advisor is trying to persuade me to stay and do my phd with them, but im confused bc don’t normally advisors encourage their students to go elsewhere and expand their horizons?? they claim it’s because they think i’m a shy person and wouldn’t thrive in a larger lab environment with less hands-on advising (which are places i got other offers at), and if i stay here i would get more support from them. idk if they are right or if they are just gaslighting me.
i feel like i have mixed feelings abt working w them for the past 3 years. there were times where i felt rly discouraged by them. for example, it was difficult for me to get credit for my work; they tried to give my current project to someone else; they ignored me at conference while introducing the other undergrad in my lab to profs (we were both applying for phds this year), so i ended up crying in the bathroom.
however, they are hands-on/supportive when it comes to research work itself and also wrote me rly good letters of rec that got me into top ranked schools which i’m rly thankful for. i can tell they care abt their other students, but when it comes to me im not sure. any advice would be appreciated.
Comments
They want you to stay because you’re trained and cheap labor. But that probably isn’t in your best interest. If you got into top ranked schools, go there.
“I think you could thrive here and build upon research we have already begun together” – a positive, genuine offer with pros and cons.
“You’re too shy to succeed anywhere but here with me” – screw that BS, this person doesn’t have your best interests at heart.
I stayed and got my masters with a supervisor who I worked with throughout undergrad. It had huge downsides. It also had huge upsides, and I really wanted to continue the work I was doing and stay at the institution I was attending.
Letters of recommendation and research mentorship are a part of their job. You do not owe this person your future because they did their job for you. You should pursue the best opportunity available, and staying with this person does NOT sound like the best option available to you right now.
So, I’m someone who stayed with my undergrad advisor for PhD. I’m going to explain how the process of choosing went, in hopes of giving you an example of how an advisor should behave in this situation. I personally wouldn’t stay given what you said on your post.
When I started applying for grad school, my advisor helped me find labs that might be a good fit, proof read my emails to those PIs and gave feedback on my applications. When my offers came in, she never brought up my decision making unless I asked for advice, and she even suggested I talk to another faculty member who would be less biased. I was geographically limited, so the circumstances were a bit different probably, but I stayed because 1. They offered me more money 2. I had an excellent working relationship with my advisor and I was excited about the projects we had planned and 3. Of the similar departments in my region, this was basically the top one in terms of well known faculty and graduates placing well both in academia and government/consulting.
If u feel “pressured”, doesnt that already mean you don’t want to stay there? Be honest with yourself and go elsewhere