I (33F) am married to my husband (34M) for a year and we’ve been together for 5 years now. We’ve had our ups and downs but recently some shit hit the roof and we had a huge fight and now every little thing I disliked about him earlier seems big. Things I ignored earlier are all pissing me off right now. We’re not sexually active (haven’t been before the fight too) and I am not attracted to him. I didn’t know I was not attracted to him. I always thought there was something wrong with me. But now I know I am not attracted to him but there’s no way I can tell him that. It would devastate him. He has been patient with me not wanting to have sex all this while , so I feel guilty about not finding him attractive. I have loved him throughout but now I am also questioning my love for him right now with the recent fights. Overall, I’m confused about what to do with the marriage. Even if we talk and resolve the fights we have had, I don’t think being in a sexless marriage makes sense or is fair to either of us. But just a year into the marriage, I feel heartbroken that I’ve reached here. I feel horrible to think he could have done better if I realised this and told him sooner. I don’t know what to do. Please help. Any new perspectives will help.
TL;DR: Decent relationship for 5 years, 1 year of marriage and inactive sex life. Unhappy and not sure about what to do next.
Comments
As someone who has experienced this and recently separated because of it, you owe it to each other to give ourselves the rest of your lives back to find something fulfilling.
I’m 6 months into it, we have a child together so we’re living together and coparenting and tbh it has been going really well.
You could try counselling or something together if you wanted to give it a last shot – but either way 33 is way too young to write off the rest of your life.