I have dated a few guys now and sadly I never encountered a guy that’s good in bed, even telling them how I liked it didn’t help. I was wondering is it normal to be in relationships where the other partner can’t give you orgasms? I love the soft touches, it’s nice to be hold, but sexually it’s unsatisfying/bad. How is your experience, will it get better with time? What can I do more, to be statisfyed too?
Comments
Not normal. Why aren’t you orgasming? You need to tell your partners you are not orgasming, how to make you orgasm, what you like and don’t like, etc. Also, what is stopping you from touching yourself or using a toy to orgasm during sex?
One thing I can contribute is that I, and many women, can only orgasm from clitoral stimulatuon. I have never been able to do it from penetration alone. I have had probably a hundred orgasms during sex at almost 33 years old, but none were from penetration.
It sounds like you may be one of us too?
I finally realized I cannot orgasm until I love the person or have been with them for several months, because I need to feel comfortable enough with them to be able to “help get myself there” and know they won’t be awkward or impatient. If I feel rushed or self conscious there’s no way I’m finishing.
It depends on a lot of factors… but one thing I heard a woman on a podcast say stuck with me.
She said she’s been told by multiple men that she’s the best sex they’ve ever had, and she insists that she prioritizes her own pleasure and making sure she orgasms every time. Even if it’s just a one-night stand. She went on to say she is very clear and direct in telling her partner exactly how to make her orgasm and what feels good – also what doesn’t.
She said men are very coachable and therefore if they know exactly what to do and achieve it, they feel very good about themselves so will work even harder for you. So what I’m trying to say is don’t feel shy to ask for exactly what you want. More than likely it will make the sex even better. And you’ll finally have a decent orgasm lol!
Communicate and also vet your partners better. Don’t date or sleep with men who don’t proactively work to please you
It’s not normal.
I wouldn’t have dated someone not making me climax. That’s a dealbreaker. If sex is worse than masturbation, then I’d just skip it.
I told my partner what I like, and he ensures I climax each time at least once via clitoral stimulation.
Stop sleeping with guys not making you climax. Just don’t.
I will disagree with most comments here. Communicating and picking better can only take us so far. The truth is there’s a glaring lack of interest from average men in our pleasure, and there’s nothing we can do to change this directly.
Sadly, men who are interested in women’s pleasure – as in actually interested, not mainly after an ego boost or needing you to show pleasure in order to get off – are exceedingly rare. This is by design: our culture’s model of sexuality is entirely focused on men, men’s fantasies, men’s anatomy, etc. This results in men who don’t know how to connect sexually. What they call “connecting” is the feeling of self-validation they get when a woman gets vulnerable for them (without them doing it back, important to note!). They can follow instructions, but you’ll notice they aren’t actively trying to learn and will never propose anything new that focuses on you. The vast, vast majority of men work like that and this puts a cap in how enjoyable the sex with them can be. This is not your fault.
I don’t date people who aren’t getting me off. Don’t settle!
This is going to sound mean, but don’t touch their dick until they’ve spent a lot of time giving you lots of foreplay. Most men just completely run out of patience and jump to sex too quickly. Even if you’ve told them what feels good and they do those things, most women (including me) need lots of clitoral stimulation during penetrative sex and most guys just don’t last long enough for that to lead to an orgasm. And they usually don’t feel like finishing you off after. So don’t let them fuck you until you’re like 80% of the way there first.
How many sessions are you doing? Do you see improvement over time with anyone? I’ve had several satisfying partners both men and women so I know they’re out there. For me, the communication and eagerness to satisfy each other is just so critical
I think it’s normal for a lot of women because a lot of women
In my experience it isn’t normal. Since the age of say, 20, all of the men I’ve been with have been interested in my pleasure and have worked to make it happen. Varying degrees of naturally good in bed of course.
Personally I’ve found it’s a lack of curiosity.
That thing that is supposed to happen when two people explore each other’s bodies
Even during something as simple as a kiss.
That physical romantic curiosity just doesn’t exist.
It’s alot of.. I like this part of you .. I know this thing works and if those things are responded to positively they’ll just rinse and repeat.
It’s like they are embarrassed to even want to be seen to care that much. Or appear vulnerable in some Intangible way..
And I wonder if it’s rhe difference between someone who needs instructions to make a meal ..
And someone who can make something great with what ever is in the fridge ?
Being able to see the value in what’s on offer.
I don’t like men who don’t know how to think for themselves . I think it leaves a woman unprotected to societies whims
Not normal if you’re in a relationship and having sex regularly with the person. You shouldn’t even be in a relationship with someone you feel sexually incompatible with. It doesn’t necessarily have to do with “how good they are in bed”, you should be physically turned on or be comfortable enough to communicate to each other what turns you on. It may not be orgasm through penetration initially but I’m not sure how people can’t get there.
I used to feel like this and i realised my problem was i needed to feel a mental connection with someone to fully open myself up to them. Booty calls and one night stands don’t give you that. Its a transactional situation thats it. I needed to feel safe and comfortable to fully enjoy the experience.
A) read “Come as You Are” by Emily Nagoski. Absolutely eye opening book about women’s pleasure. She breaks everything down and empowers you to feel more comfortable with and understand your own body and pleasure. Can’t recommend enough!
B) I also have a really hard time orgasming with a partner. I need clitoral stimulation and not to feel at all like I’m taking too long or being annoying or any kind of negative or distracting thoughts going on in my head, plus I need to feel safe and sexy. It can take me months to get there with someone, and then I still often need to use a vibrator if I’m going to cum during penetrative sex. Yes, society prioritizes men and their pleasure, but it can also be really hard to concentrate on orgasming while having penetrative sex, so a vibrator will often help get me there, unless, it’s the time of the month and my hormones are low so I just can’t orgasm at all- even if the vibrator was on my clit for an hour!