We’ve been together for 7 months as of now, which is of course ridiculously early and part of the reason I worry I might be overreacting. I got to know him in august 2024, we had our first date in october and started dating in november.
He’s my first boyfriend, and while he’s dated before me, his relationships before were very intensely bad, by his own description. However, my concern is that I’ve spotted clues we won’t work out in the future, but i’m stuck between thinking this is too early to worry about this and thinking that if I ignore this for now, it’ll only be worse in the future.
He has a very complex relationship regarding money: he spends a lot, sometimes more than what he makes in the month. While some of that is unavoidable, there are times he makes ridiculous spending. After missing 3 course classes (like a preparatory course to enter university. it’s free since it’s a social project) because of not having money for the transport, he bought me a gift with the exact money that he could’ve used to pay the bus all of these days and suggested he could go to my home the next day… despite not having money to go to the course (it’d be the same price).
This is also not the first time we discuss over money, specifically his spendings. Once he offered to pay himself food for me, my mother (47F), my sister (25F) AND him, despite knowing that it’d be hell for him to pay that alone and that they make much more than him. He also insisted multiple times in buying me expensive things that we both know he can’t afford. And I KNOW in my heart that this would cause me unimaginable amounts of stress when get to living together.
What bothers me about this is that it just makes him seem irresponsible to himself. And that makes me lose admiration for him. I told him multiple times that I’d hate seeing him take money from his priorities to buy me things and he keeps either doing it or trying to do it. My mother already has bad spending habits, so me and my sister are the ones that try to be the reasonable ones.
Furthermore, it seems like we can’t go a day together without stressing eachother. On Valentine’s Day, we went to the shopping center together, we were walking and he went to the bathroom. I told him I’d be inside the shop right in front of the bathroom corridor. After thinking he was taking too long (my phone was off and he knew), I went to try and look for him. When we finally found eachother, he talked to me in a very irritated tone, telling me I had disappeared. I said that I told him where I’d be and he insisted that I didn’t, which stressed me out a lot since it’s a common predicament that I have with my mother and I don’t want my romantic relationship to have the same problems I already have, lmao.
Considering I finished high school last year and entered Uni this year, my stress levels are at an all times high. I’m constantly questioning my worth as a person, as an student and as a future professional. What I definitely don’t need is for what we have to become another source of stress and doubt.
At the same time, I confess that despite really loving him and being overall happy with him, I still find myself curious about kissing or dating other people. I was the teenager that couldn’t go anywhere due to a controlling mother, so my teenage years were kinda stale, while he had no such bounds and probably lived ten years during high-school alone, lol. The part that my.mother didn’t sabotage of my adolescence, I did it myself due to an extremely low self-esteem and episodes of suicidal ideation. This probably sounds extremely vain, but sometimes I just feel like I haven’t seen enough of the world to really settle down.
TL;DR; His bad spending habits annoy me, we fight too often for a young couple of 7 months together and I have doubts about “settling down” so young. I’m really unsure of what to do with all of this.