I’m a female junior scholar. A male student from an undergraduate class I taught two years ago has been emailing every six months or so to request a Zoom meeting. I don’t want to meet with him because his attention makes me uncomfortable. I think his interest in keeping in touch is personal rather than academic.
He wasn’t a particularly good student in the class; he clearly didn’t do the reading but that didn’t stop him from holding forth. During the course of the class I met him once for coffee. In fairness, he was seeking academic advice but the vibe was off. He hugged me goodbye and it gave me the ick.
The main reason I don’t want to meet with him again however is because his final paper was totally inappropriate. He used a sexual metaphor to illustrate his perspective (on himself!) while barely citing the course literature. I gave him an average passing grade. He responded by writing me to say he was “glad I enjoyed his paper” enough to pass him.
No. Nope, I did not “enjoy” that paper. I just held my nose and did my job.
This week he wrote me again–twice!– to request a Zoom meeting. Of course he can’t know that his timing couldn’t be worse (Im recovering from a serious illness). But reading his emails on my phone in the hospital made me enraged. It’s the entitlement: you WILL respond to me, you WILL meet with me, and I will hound you until you do.
Since the class ended I’ve just been ignoring his emails but he’s clearly not taking the hint. Should I block him? Tell him directly to leave me alone? I don’t even work at that university anymore. I’d love to hear about how others have managed unwanted attention from students or former students. Thanks.
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EDIT: Thanks, everyone, for your thoughtful advice.
Sometimes it’s tough to gauge whether a student’s creep factor is just social ineptitude or manosphere-adjacent. In this case I agree with folks here that it’s the latter and will treat it as such.
As others have suggested, I’m going to document past communications in a folder I don’t have to see every day, and then block him on all fronts.
I would escalate to Title IX if I thought it would help, but unfortunately my past experience with that office has been more harmful than helpful.
I appreciate the validation and concern in these responses. A lifetime of misogynistic crazymaking can make it hard to trust your gut in situations like this. Grateful for this community!
Comments
“Thanks for reaching out, [name]. Unfortunately my schedule is packed this week and it looks like it will be that way for the foreseeable future, so I won’t be able to meet. I don’t want to leave you waiting for advice on [topic], so please reach out to my colleague [name] who took over from me when I left the university. He should be able to answer your queries.
All the best.”
Then block.
Others can chime in but if he’s still attached to an institution you might reach out to them. Otherwise, a firm refusal to engage further might help too. Short of that, blocking him might be the move.
In short, idk for sure, but the way he’s phrasing his emails is unprofessional so I think you’re justified in whatever you choose. I’ve had students try those kind of strong arming tactics and I routinely clap back, as they say. But then, these are just pushy students who aren’t romantically interested in me and I’m also a dude. Two years is a while, so you might not respond at all and instead escalate. Scary stuff, tbh. Trust your gut. Dude sounds like a weirdo.
I believe you can submit a student conduct report for excessive communication (the reason may vary from college to college). He is not your student anymore so you are not obligated to respond to him. Since you said you don’t work there anymore, call the campus Title IX director to make them aware.
Report the behavior to the appropriate offices at the institution, and block his pathetic ass.
Do not reply. Block emails and all possible social media. And if you can file some sort of complaint with law enforcement, go for it. Please, do not engage in any way.
Dont respond. Forward the email to your former chair and Dean, and let them know this student is escalating unwanted and uncomfortable contact, and that you’re only looping them in because you aren’t responding to the student’s inappropriate requests.
Is he emailing your personal email? If so, block him. If it’s your old university email, just stop responding. If it’s your new email, delete and don’t respond.
I want to second the folks suggesting block and ignore.
We have an obligation to support students when they are enrolled in our classes when they engage professionally and appropriately about course material.
We do not have an obligation to engage with former students or with anyone who acts inappropriately (as this student clearly did in his written work and later communication).
As others have said, even a firm and polite ‘no’ can be counterproductive in cases like this.
Can you not email him back to say “I’m not available for a meeting. Thanks”
Block the student and email the program director and your previous department chair requesting that they contact the student. Tell them what you’ve said here. The student needs a firm discussion about professional boundaries and you don’t need to be the person delivering it.
In future, make sure any inappropriate sexual essay content or physical contact from students is fully documented and raised with a mentor, and consider if it should go to the title IX office. Look after yourself.
I’d block him and forget he ever existed. Don’t acknowledge him. Even negative attention is still attention.
If he finds a way around the email block, then he’s in stalker territory, and I’d report him to campus police.
Just block. Shocked you haven’t done so already.
Document everything before blocking him – save the emails, the paper, any messages – because if his behavior escaltes you’ll need that evidence to file a formal complaint.
Responding from a point of ignorance here. I’m just asking because I dont know. Can you not send everything this asshole has done up the chain of command? if was someone in a position to do so I would love to be able to handle someone like this down to below where he thinks he is.
in a situation like this a polite no should do.
You have zero responsibility to respond. None
I was stalked by a student.
Document everything.
Set all your social media accounts to private. Google yourself. If you can find your own address, phone number, or email, contact that website and ask them to remove your info.
Report to everyone. The chair, Title IX, campus police, Student Affairs. Indicate that you are concerned for your safety. This may feel like an overreaction. It’s not.
Don’t engage with the student at all.
No one’s gonna comment that this ‘academic’ doesn’t know the difference between “holding court” and ‘holding fourth’? Cause if that’s academia I’m gonna be a professor in 6 months.
There is some good advice here. But i would go a step further. Put this on the university police’s radar. Many universities have a team just for things like this. They may be doing it to other people as well, you want to make sure your report is added if that is the case. Block all your socials, but keep your university communication open. If they are escalating, you and the police will want a warning. If they have no way to communicate, you might not see it getting worse coming until they are at your door.
To a personal email: document, block, report, move on.
To a new institutional email: document, block, report, move on.
To your old institutional email: generic response that reads like it could be an auto message: “I am no longer working at X and this email is no longer monitored” or something along those lines.
Then document, block, report, move on.
Okay, I got to say this sounds a little bit discriminatory on your part. If he was a she, would you act like this? Manosphere-adjacent? Really? Stereotype much? Rather than acting like the person is guilty before they do anything, maybe just email and say your responsibilities have increased a great deal and you’re not in a position to meet. But you wish him the best on his journey. If the communication continues, then you can ignore and report. But acting like you’re in danger because someone emailed you is absurd. It’s not appropriate to file a student conduct complaint because you didn’t like his paper and he emailed you for academic advice. You’d need to show that violates student conduct. You’re also assuming he has “entitlement” and that seems to be bleeding into your hostility towards the student because of his gender. If a she was emailing would you feel that way? I’d suggest setting polite, professional boundaries and then seeking therapy or working on your own biases.