Hey everybody!
So since my last post, a lot of things have happened. I will try to keep it brief and summarised. We had the conversation with MIL about our boundaries and explaining that we needed some space so we could let go of our emotions and try again in a couple of weeks. She completely took it the wrong way and literally became the embodiment of being the victim. She claimed that we pushed her away, didn’t allow her to be grandma, didn’t let her share in her joy and some more theatrics. Two weeks later my husband went to visit her to drop of the baptism gown and she said, OP is manipulative, she will never forgive me, she is the reason the entire family is breaking up, I can never see my grandson because of her. My husband just told her to stop and left. Later, he sent her a text that he really didn’t appreciate what she had done and we would be going NC for a while.
During NC, this woman got the entire family involved, talking smack about us behind our back, telling everybody her side of the story (which is completely delusional and leaves out all the boundaries she has crossed, just that she isn’t allowed to do anything with LO for no reason and I’m of course the villain). My BIL and husband’s uncle reached out to my husband to tell him that MIL was doing really bad mentally and physically because of the situation and if he could please reach out to her. He did that and it just turned into a fight where MIL didn’t want to take any accountability for any action, so we continued NC.
At first, SIL seemed to have my back, agreeing that MIL hugely overstepped and should definitely apologise before anything, but slowly she started saying stuff that I needed to get over it, let MIL have acces to LO without me if I didn’t want to deal with her, that I was only a part of the family for less than three years so I didn’t understand the dynamics. At that point, I knew MIL was talking shit about us and what had happened to SIL, completely twisting everything.
After a couple of months, I felt okay enough to visit her with my husband and LO. It was not a lot of fun, we didn’t really enjoy ourselves, it was awkward and not something we would soon do again, but it was at least civil and polite. I thought everything was okay, so when I started organising a party for my husband’s graduation, which is in a few weeks, I also invited MIL, SIL, etc.
The first thing SIL asks is if MIL is also invited and then admits that she and MIL have been discussing the situation and that SIL cried from happiness when MIL called her to tell that me, husband and LO had visited her. This just completely rubs me the wrong way. SIL also claims she’s completely in the middle and neutral, but didn’t invite us to a party and I suspect that’s because she asked MIL to attend. I can’t quite explain why, but I just find it sooo sneaky that in your face they are all nice and polite and saying A, but then the next moment they’re sneaking about everything and talking behind your back and saying B. I’m just really upset about this whole ordeal and getting angry about everything that has happened.
I am also pregnant again, nearly half way, and I don’t want anything to go like how it went with our first LO. I’m also experiencing a whole lot of stress because of this, and I know this is not good for the baby. My husband is also more of less over it, finding out that MIL and SIL have been gossiping and sneaking behind our backs and denying it in our faces.
I don’t want to cause drama at my husbands graduation party as there will be plenty of other people to socialise with, but I don’t want to be alone with any of these people in a room, I don’t want them to interact with LO (I don’t understand why, but it gives me the shivers and makes me straight up angry if I think about my MIL interacting with LO), and after the party I don’t want to see them ever again and I’m going to cut them off completely. How do I handle this party as professionally as possible and avoid any drama, without compromising on my boundaries?