Original: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/Qr5QKRPmCA
First update: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/fKasr5Dcdd
I’m 35 my ex wife is 40 and we have no kids.
About two and a half months ago I posted about my wife leaving me because I refused to live the tradwife lifestyle.
In my original post I mentioned the big house and car she got me in debt for over half a million pounds and then decided she didn’t want to work anymore.
Starting with the car. After she left I took half our savings and half the money in our joint account and put it in my own bank account. I told her to take the rest (around £60k) and she can either pay off the car with the money or keep the money and I’ll take the car back as it’s in my name. She said neither she’s keeping both. This has been a struggle that ended with me having to ring the police to assist me in taking the car back. I got there and the police were already there. My ex was crying, the two police officers looked at me like I was a piece of shit, my sister in law was shouting “yeah take her independence and go back to your mansion while she sleeps in the spare room” the neighbours were all out looking. I very nearly caved and told her to just keep it but it’s £1.5k a month I can’t warrant. I took it, sold it, and had to pay £12000 difference in what I owed on it. I’ll be honest I was expecting worse.
Now the house. We paid £700k for it with 200 down. I’ve spent about 100 on it doing it up and when I got valued I was pleasantly surprised at £1m and even more surprised that within two weeks of it going on the market it’s sold to one of my neighbours! A lovely Indian family who had asked me to work on their house but they said it’s just easier to move in to mine! They do however want me to build a granny annexe on the side once they’ve completed the purchase. That’ll be another couple of months yet but we’ll both walk away with around £250k each and I’ll be looking to buy a house for around £200k so I’ll be back to mortgage free and debt free in a couple of months!
On to my wife. She’s still living at her sisters and as far as I’m aware hasn’t found anyone who wants a 40 year old tradwife who doesn’t cook, clean, or have sex. She has asked me back twice but I’ve said no. One was a drunken proposition the other one more heartfelt. It’s too late now though. We’ve already started the divorce proceedings and that should be done early next year.
All I’ve been doing is working and plodding along. Nothing else I really can do. I thought I’d update because I still get 10-20 messages a week asking how I’m doing and I really appreciate it. Thank you so much.
Comments
Good to you for standing the line! She’s not worth it.
She asked you you back ofc she did. As a professional 304 I can’t tell you how much the Internet has made these women delusional
Good thing the courts keep rewarding the ones who cause the divorce and don’t really help with the marriage . If both decide one person stays home and the person staying home does everything that was agreed upon then they deserve 1/2
The best update to read under the circumstances. She really deluded herself into blowing up her life.
I love updates like these. Good luck and enjoy all the good that is coming your way!!
Updateme
great update!
best of luck
NTA, I have a feeling this started with her enabling family and social media. You crated requirements, she did not accept them, and thus you needed the marriage . Good for you. You can if you want find someone new.
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She has no one to blame but herself. And maybe TikTok. Good for you! Better luck next wife.
Proud of you!
Just saying people like your wife won the lottery taking 1/2 while not contributing any where near 1/2 .
Great job, dude. A little more work for you and then you can enjoy life to the fullest.
Fantastic!! This was a great update! I hope things continue to go your way. Update us in a few months and let us know how things are going.
>On to my wife. She’s still living at her sisters and as far as I’m aware hasn’t found anyone who wants a 40 year old tradwife who doesn’t cook, clean, or have sex.
Wants the benefits, none of the work
Really surprised there was a division of property before the divorce. I guess stuff is done differently over there.
By the looks of your wife’s entitlement and seemingly unhinged behaviour, you got the best possible outcome. It is a welcome example on the sea of horror stories I read here on the daily. Kudos!
Updateme
FAFO. I love it.
She only has herself to blame.
Best of luck!
Updateme.
Chef’s kiss OP, chef’s kiss
Wishing you all the best and wishing your STBX the life she deserves
Gotta love the delusions that social media puts into people’s heads nowadays
No one wants a 40 year old useless woman who does nothing. Getting rid of her is the best thing to could do.
!updateme even though I thoits concluded (bc with this level of delusion there may be more later – tbh I think the wife’s delusional not OP).
I am 40. When I asked my husband if I should become a tradwife he laughed, I laughed then we both kept playing videogames.
I am temporarily a housewife (in Germany we can stay up to three years at home with our child and then go back to our old job) but this tradwife thing is just dumb instashit.
Taking half the money before the divorce financial remedy settlement isn’t wise. It’s not going to been seen as the assets being split.
If she spends her “half” completely and rocks up to financial remedy hearing with nothing to her name, she’s still entitled to half of what’s in husband’s account as it was earned as a matrimonial asset. Doesn’t matter who spent what before the hearing. Its what money is available in the pot (doesnt matter whos name is on the account) and what debt there is on the day of the hearing, along with future housing needs.
Huh. Surprised my advice got taken. I remember you. I suggested selling the big house and buying something smaller and working up to the big house and selling the car.
Then she could quit her job, and look after you. Seems it was about the prestige/status of having a big house and big car and not having to work.
Tradlife means sacrifices. On the parts of both husband and wife to find a way to live well off one salary. It can be done if you’re good at thrifting to find decent clothes for cheap.
This has to be sustained fiction.
A pleasant update.
I was expecting OP to end up on the hook for everything and alimony or other BS.
Updateme!
Wow. Something else going on there with her. Although what she wants is not what O ever understood tradwife to be. More like a person burned out with all forms of life….
She’s still living at her sisters and as far as I’m aware hasn’t found anyone who wants a 40 year old tradwife who doesn’t cook, clean, or have sex. She has asked me back twice but I’ve said no. One was a drunken proposition the other one more heartfelt. It’s too late now though.
NTA.
Glad that you unwound yourself but sorry it had to come to this.
Is her sister a housewife? Does her sister work? Have money?
I have been reading your posts and comments and have to say that what your wife saw on social media is what people want her to see. People drop videos and build a brand to monetize it. Those trad wives on TikTok? They work at and have assistants, etc.
>“yeah take her independence and go back to your mansion while she sleeps in the spare room”
If she wants true independence, then she needs to stop mooching off others and learn how to pay her own way in life. If she wants to be a “trad wife” and continue mooching, then she better actually do something of value.
Good that you’re standing up for yourself and for what’s right more now. But do have a think about why you ever agreed to buy that lavish house and car you didn’t need just because she insisted, a d work on it so you never do it again.
Good for you OP!
Please keep up the divorce. Don’t take her back.
Fantastic update.
Nta, you’re doing the right thing, good for you mate
Good for you! Updateme
r/borupdates
NTA
Good for you.
First time reader here.
This must’ve been mind blowing. Glad to hear you are coming out the other side. Hope it all works out for you