UPDATE 2: AITAH for telling an exchange student to not date my son and possibly ending my marriage?

Hello again, everybody. Just wished to keep everybody posted on the current situation, and thank those who support me in this difficult time. This update is luckily, more positive, and I am happy to say that I am not giving up on Toby!

I am currently back in my husband’s home country, I think people were under the impression I was going to take Liz back to my home country, but I’ve stated before that I don’t want to uproot her. I just wished to look into legal matters and get my mind sorted. I had a few friends in the neighborhood who offered to let me and Liz move into their place, and I took one up on the offer (she lives closer to Liz’s school so it works out better that way). I served my husband divorce papers two days after my last post and moved Liz and I out the day of. And two days after we moved out, Toby was found lurking outside of Liz’s school. He was having a mental breakdown and screaming, and was detained for trespassing. As far as I know and what witnesses have told me and the police, he was a complete wreck. I was also told he had been taken to the hospital for a psyche evaluation and was placed in a 72 hour hold. I wasn’t allowed to visit him and according to the nurses and doctor, my husband made no attempts to visit him or even speak to the doctor.

Toby was diagnosed with a mixed personality disorder, as he showed classic symptoms from narcissistic personality disorder and histrionic personality disorder. His emotional breakdown came from the fact that I left, and when I was finally able to see him, it broke my heart. He kept crying and saying he didn’t know why he was like this, and I just held him. He hasn’t cried that hard since he was a child and it honestly gave me a slight sliver of hope that Toby could still be a part of my life. I sat in on his next therapy session (mandatory while in the facility). And he apologized for how he acted, but I told him that the apology came a little too late. I told him that I am happy that he wants to get better, but I needed space. That our contact wouldn’t be nonexistent, just limited (one message I received actually told me that I could send him a voice message, and I think that is a wonderful idea). I told him that if he proved he could be better, we can have full blown contact again.

I am currently working with the doctors to find a suitable facility for him, as I made it clear that if he went back to my husband, he would never get better. I figured a voice memo a month or maybe a video call, just so he doesn’t think I’ve given up on him. And in six months, maybe a year, hopefully he has the tools, coping mechanisms, and medicine he needs. I also helped him look at online classes, just so he can branch out again and try to get an education.

So, that’s where things stand right now. No updates on my husband, I don’t know if he got a lawyer or what he’s planning. But, I am safe, Liz is doing good, and Toby is getting better. That’s all I have for now. I realized I was too hard on Toby, and I plan to not only acknowledge that in my first video message, but apologize for it. A lot of the comments opened my eyes as to how hard I was on him, even tho most of his behavior wasn’t just his fault, but mine and my husband’s (or I guess future ex husband).

Thank you all for your support, advice, and comments. Harsh or not, I’m glad I posted on here.