Backup of the post’s body: It’s been around a month since I last posted. I’ve received so many messages and comments asking for an update and if me and my kids are okay. I’m sorry for not responding.
I’m sort of scared to post this because I don’t think people will agree with my decision. Initially, I really wanted to be able to share an update saying I had filed for divorce. When I saw thaat footage of a strange woman sneaking into our backyard, and even moreso when he refused to give me any info or admit to anything (even going as far to say he’d never give me the satisfaction of admitting to anything), I was 100% divorce. I immediately started to research and make a plan. I wasn’t in a position to divorce right away. I thought that it might be better to try to keep my head down, pretend like everything was ok, and quietly/secretly prepare everything.
Divorce is still on my mind and a possibility, but I’m no longer 100% committed to it. My husband and I are still together currently and living under the same roof. Although he held out on admitting to any wrong doing both with leaving our kids unattended in the house and about having sex with another woman in the pool shed – he held out for a long time and we argued a lot. I kept telling myself it was pointless and I was only driving myself crazy – he wasn’t going to suddenly be honest, and he admitted more than once that he wouldn’t tell me the truth and felt no reason to tell me the truth. During that time, I also found him secretly going out to the garage to drink alcohol, which he’d deny. I drive myself crazy finding his stash of alcohol and other things out in the garage. He still denied it even though I was literally holding the evidence.
Then, about 2 weeks ago he admitted he had a problem, or multiple problems, and that what he did that day was wrong. He finally admitted to leaving the kids alone in the house. He admitted to having sex with the woman in our pool shed. She’s not a woman he’s having an affair with. She’s a sex worker. She’s transexual. He said it in a way like I should have been relieved by all of this. The thing is, I knew he watched porn (never seemed to get in the way of our relationship or our lives). I even knew that he liked to watch trans porn. He was open about these things with me. But should I have suspected that this meant he was hiring trans sex workers to have the real life experience? Honestly, I’m really asking that. Was I naive to think he was seeking that out just because he liked to watch that type of porn? He didn’t keep the porn a secret from me and I honestly never thought he was going to seek it out in real life or cheat on me with a trans person. He also assured me that he now only regularly sees two trans women who are “clean” and “safe” and “very professional.” And when I asked him how much he pays these women for their services…yeah they better be a lot of things for that price. I can’t believe it!
He also admitted to drinking too much and to drinking a lot before he engages with these women. At times he’s taken drugs during these encounters too, but insists he doesn’t have a “problem,” meaning addiction. I personally think he’s addicted to alcohol and possibly other substances but he binges them when I’m not around and manages to remain normal and sober when I’m around.
He started drinking more heavily and regularly since that day, hence the hiding booze in the garage and chugging it when he thought I was in the shower. He says he’s doing it because he’s so stressed about me leaving him and because he knows he’s a POS for everything he’s done to me and our kids.
He’s not allowed to be left alone with our kids anymore. He’s also not allowed to have sex with me for the foreseeable future. Neither are meant as punishment. These rules are in place to keep me and our kids safe, plus I have no emotional or physical desire to have sex with him now. So, I don’t know that our relationship will survive.
He fears his job will be compromised if he seeks help for any of this. I’m at the point where it’s like screw your job – we’ll find some way to survive – this is way bigger than a job.
He has stopped drinking, at least as far as I can tell. He took 2 weeks off work to try to figure himself out. He’s been helping around the house and doing all of the things a good husband should do. I have hidden cameras installed all over my home and property. I don’t want to live this way but I’m not ready to file for divorce yet. I hope to get to a place financially and logistically where I can at least be prepared so that I could file for divorce at the drop of a hat if I absolutely needed to. I’ve told him this. He’s aware that I’ve been preparing for divorce. He did ask me about sex today, how long it’d be before I’d finally have sex with him again. It’s been mere weeks and he’s already asking that, which is unbelievable in a way, yet this man masturbates several times a day without fail. I don’t believe in sex addiction, or I didn’t before, but I’m starting to wonder if it could be a real thing and if my husband has it. He isn’t saying he does, but I’m starting to think my husband may actually have a number of hidden addictions that he can’t even admit to himself. In a weird way, it’s comforting because I see it as a defined problem that might be fixable, but on the other hand I’m totally grossed out by it all and it makes me feel extremely uncomfortable to think about dealing with this possibly forever?
For now, me and my kids are safe. Things have calmed down. I’m not living every moment feeling completely consumed by rage. I still feel that way sometimes but I feel a lot more steady than I did. I feel more clear headed and surprisingly almost lacking emotion about the whole thing. It’s like all of my emotions came in one big wave, then just washed out to sea. I honestly feel more clear headed right now than I have in a long time.
The man asked for sex a few mere weeks after you outed him for having drug and alcohol fueled benders with trans prostitutes while he was supposed to watch your children.
He’s not a partner, he’s not even a manchild. He’s an immediate threat to his entire family.
Has he actually put in any effort besides telling you he’s willing to change? More than that, do you think you’ll ever be able to get hot again for him? Because I 1000% guarantee he will be expecting sex within 3 months, with another prostitute if not you.
I went back through all of OOPs posts and comments. So basically…
Husband had a trans sex worker come over, likely not the first time, left 2 small children alone for 23 minutes, 5 year old called Grandma and casually dropped the “daddy’s not home” line, which is how OOP knew. She drove home, husband kept lying and said he was with the kids or doing laundry in the basement. The laundry in the basement was what OOP had done the night before. She got the ring doorbell camera feed from her neighbor and found proof of the sex worker parking and then going into the backyard. Husband put his hands on OOP, then finally confessed to hiding booze in the garage and being drunk a lot and yes, had sex with the sex worker. Husband is trying to act like nothing happened.
So he cheated on her, hit her (I’m assuming that is what “put his hands on me” means), lied for days, and she’s still not leaving? She has hidden cameras all over the house now. What the actual fuck?
Unfortunately if you divorce him he’ll have visitation and you’ll have to fight for them to be supervised if you do not report this now. Call your states anonymous tip line and they’ll come investigate. It will save you grief when you decide to fight for custody later
Comments
Backup of the post’s body: It’s been around a month since I last posted. I’ve received so many messages and comments asking for an update and if me and my kids are okay. I’m sorry for not responding.
I’m sort of scared to post this because I don’t think people will agree with my decision. Initially, I really wanted to be able to share an update saying I had filed for divorce. When I saw thaat footage of a strange woman sneaking into our backyard, and even moreso when he refused to give me any info or admit to anything (even going as far to say he’d never give me the satisfaction of admitting to anything), I was 100% divorce. I immediately started to research and make a plan. I wasn’t in a position to divorce right away. I thought that it might be better to try to keep my head down, pretend like everything was ok, and quietly/secretly prepare everything.
Divorce is still on my mind and a possibility, but I’m no longer 100% committed to it. My husband and I are still together currently and living under the same roof. Although he held out on admitting to any wrong doing both with leaving our kids unattended in the house and about having sex with another woman in the pool shed – he held out for a long time and we argued a lot. I kept telling myself it was pointless and I was only driving myself crazy – he wasn’t going to suddenly be honest, and he admitted more than once that he wouldn’t tell me the truth and felt no reason to tell me the truth. During that time, I also found him secretly going out to the garage to drink alcohol, which he’d deny. I drive myself crazy finding his stash of alcohol and other things out in the garage. He still denied it even though I was literally holding the evidence.
Then, about 2 weeks ago he admitted he had a problem, or multiple problems, and that what he did that day was wrong. He finally admitted to leaving the kids alone in the house. He admitted to having sex with the woman in our pool shed. She’s not a woman he’s having an affair with. She’s a sex worker. She’s transexual. He said it in a way like I should have been relieved by all of this. The thing is, I knew he watched porn (never seemed to get in the way of our relationship or our lives). I even knew that he liked to watch trans porn. He was open about these things with me. But should I have suspected that this meant he was hiring trans sex workers to have the real life experience? Honestly, I’m really asking that. Was I naive to think he was seeking that out just because he liked to watch that type of porn? He didn’t keep the porn a secret from me and I honestly never thought he was going to seek it out in real life or cheat on me with a trans person. He also assured me that he now only regularly sees two trans women who are “clean” and “safe” and “very professional.” And when I asked him how much he pays these women for their services…yeah they better be a lot of things for that price. I can’t believe it!
He also admitted to drinking too much and to drinking a lot before he engages with these women. At times he’s taken drugs during these encounters too, but insists he doesn’t have a “problem,” meaning addiction. I personally think he’s addicted to alcohol and possibly other substances but he binges them when I’m not around and manages to remain normal and sober when I’m around.
He started drinking more heavily and regularly since that day, hence the hiding booze in the garage and chugging it when he thought I was in the shower. He says he’s doing it because he’s so stressed about me leaving him and because he knows he’s a POS for everything he’s done to me and our kids.
He’s not allowed to be left alone with our kids anymore. He’s also not allowed to have sex with me for the foreseeable future. Neither are meant as punishment. These rules are in place to keep me and our kids safe, plus I have no emotional or physical desire to have sex with him now. So, I don’t know that our relationship will survive.
He fears his job will be compromised if he seeks help for any of this. I’m at the point where it’s like screw your job – we’ll find some way to survive – this is way bigger than a job.
He has stopped drinking, at least as far as I can tell. He took 2 weeks off work to try to figure himself out. He’s been helping around the house and doing all of the things a good husband should do. I have hidden cameras installed all over my home and property. I don’t want to live this way but I’m not ready to file for divorce yet. I hope to get to a place financially and logistically where I can at least be prepared so that I could file for divorce at the drop of a hat if I absolutely needed to. I’ve told him this. He’s aware that I’ve been preparing for divorce. He did ask me about sex today, how long it’d be before I’d finally have sex with him again. It’s been mere weeks and he’s already asking that, which is unbelievable in a way, yet this man masturbates several times a day without fail. I don’t believe in sex addiction, or I didn’t before, but I’m starting to wonder if it could be a real thing and if my husband has it. He isn’t saying he does, but I’m starting to think my husband may actually have a number of hidden addictions that he can’t even admit to himself. In a weird way, it’s comforting because I see it as a defined problem that might be fixable, but on the other hand I’m totally grossed out by it all and it makes me feel extremely uncomfortable to think about dealing with this possibly forever?
For now, me and my kids are safe. Things have calmed down. I’m not living every moment feeling completely consumed by rage. I still feel that way sometimes but I feel a lot more steady than I did. I feel more clear headed and surprisingly almost lacking emotion about the whole thing. It’s like all of my emotions came in one big wave, then just washed out to sea. I honestly feel more clear headed right now than I have in a long time.
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Jfc that’s so fucking gnarly.
Real question. What do people have to do to make people leave and not frack up their kids’ lives?
OP, OP please.
The man asked for sex a few mere weeks after you outed him for having drug and alcohol fueled benders with trans prostitutes while he was supposed to watch your children.
He’s not a partner, he’s not even a manchild. He’s an immediate threat to his entire family.
Has he actually put in any effort besides telling you he’s willing to change? More than that, do you think you’ll ever be able to get hot again for him? Because I 1000% guarantee he will be expecting sex within 3 months, with another prostitute if not you.
If he has absolutely nothing to hide then why is he not telling her why?
I went back through all of OOPs posts and comments. So basically…
Husband had a trans sex worker come over, likely not the first time, left 2 small children alone for 23 minutes, 5 year old called Grandma and casually dropped the “daddy’s not home” line, which is how OOP knew. She drove home, husband kept lying and said he was with the kids or doing laundry in the basement. The laundry in the basement was what OOP had done the night before. She got the ring doorbell camera feed from her neighbor and found proof of the sex worker parking and then going into the backyard. Husband put his hands on OOP, then finally confessed to hiding booze in the garage and being drunk a lot and yes, had sex with the sex worker. Husband is trying to act like nothing happened.
So he cheated on her, hit her (I’m assuming that is what “put his hands on me” means), lied for days, and she’s still not leaving? She has hidden cameras all over the house now. What the actual fuck?
Unfortunately if you divorce him he’ll have visitation and you’ll have to fight for them to be supervised if you do not report this now. Call your states anonymous tip line and they’ll come investigate. It will save you grief when you decide to fight for custody later