I debated posting my update and I still might chicken out but I’ll write it out and see whether I post or not. I know people wanted an update and I was asked to talk more about what my plans were. I shared some details in my original post but things have changed because I moved out. Technically kicked out.
On the day I made my post I had plans to sleep at a friends house. Once I got there my dad sent a text saying his partner was rushed to the hospital again and he needed me to babysit again. I told him no once and that was it. A few hours later my dad asked where the hell I was and why had I said no when this was an emergency. He sent multiple texts but when he realized I really wouldn’t babysit and had stayed “wherever the hell I was” he went off on and he told me if I won’t babysit and be there for the family then I better stay gone. He texted me the next morning (yesterday technically) and said I was not living under his roof after that stunt and to stay the fuck gone.
I knew he meant it so when everyone was out I went to the house and grabbed everything I had prepared to leave with when following my plan exactly. That included all the important documents I had, clothes and anything I bought or that was given to me by people who aren’t my dad. It was basically all ready to go anyway and I got in and out without a fight.
My friends parents are letting me stay until I can follow through with my original plan which was to get somewhere with a friend locally until we all graduate and then some friends and I will be moving state. We’ve been working on this for a long time now. Honestly I have been working my ass off to save money to be able to leave regardless of whether I had help from friends but having them definitely helps.
My dad sent more texts since I grabbed all my stuff. He tried to guilt and shame me and talked about how much the kids needed me and I wasn’t there. But he also let out way more of his resentment toward me and it confirmed what I already knew about him. He doesn’t regret the way he treated me since I was 11. He meant every word he said. And that he expected me to pay him back for raising me.
But I won’t. I’m not staying to be treated like shit. He still wants me out of his house and he reminded me that I was not welcome back. That he better not come home to find me there ever again.
So that’s my update. It’s been a crazy day/couple of days and I got so many comments on my post. Way more than I expected. I know a few people tried to convince me that he really did love me and didn’t resent me and was trying to make it up to me. But after all this I’m more convinced he resents me and the trying to include me lately was an act to make me someone who could do stuff for him. I don’t believe I ever had the dad I originally thought I had. Because I don’t think an actual good and loving dad would shut it all off one day for no good reason.
Things have changed a little but I’ll keep working toward my plan. I’ll also make sure I make it up to my friends parents because I know this was unexpected for them and I’m grateful they let me stay.
Comments
NTA. It sounds like you’ve been pushed to your limit, and it’s clear your dad has never treated you with the respect you deserve. You didn’t owe him your presence in an emergency when he’s treated you like this your entire life. He’s trying to manipulate you with guilt, but you’re better off creating your own future than being stuck in his toxic cycle. Good for you for sticking to your plan.
So he finally found out actions have consequences. For what is worth in proud of you. I wish you all the best in life.
So how long do we think before he’s back begging for a 2nd chance?
NTAH
You need a lawyer. You’re still 17 so he owes you child support. You have all the evidence to go to the police if necessary. Talk to your friend’s parents and ask them, your dad must pay, if he wants or not.
Wowww‼️‼️
I’m glad you have a place right now.
If you are working offer to pay your friends parents. My mom always said “that you can’t live anywhere for free.” This is a life lesson to always remember. Even if they say no, do something nice for them. Be a respectful guest.
Your sperm donor is a MASSIVE AH‼️‼️‼️
Go FULL NC with him. BLOCK 🚫 him.
You are right. You never had the dad that you thought you had. He was just a sperm donor.
Continue with your plan. Be careful, BE SUCCESSFUL, AND LIVE YOUR BEST LIFE‼️
I’m rooting hard for you.
Find your own family. Sometimes , a found family is much better than a blood family.
When you can get therapy so you can heal from the rejection of your parents.
My heart breaks 💔 for you. You are stronger than you think.
Take care, sweet boy🫶. You’ve got this 💯
Updateme
I have to wonder if your mom abandoned you or if she actually escaped a very abusive relationship with your dad. Many times abused women have to leave their kids with the abuser because of no other choice. Some people abuse the spouse but not the kids. Do you only have Dad’s version of why Mom left? I’m glad you are out and safe. Dad’s just mad he lost his babysitter.
His new family are in for one helluva shock when he latest facade drops and they realise who they are stuck with.
You’ve handled all this with maturity beyond your years; have a brilliant life!
Keep these texts. Print them or have them in some other form that won’t disappear when you change phones, etc. Create a full written record of all the st has happened.
This may or may not be necessary for practical reasons, but there will come a time when you need that sustenance emotionally.
I am so glad you got away and have a great support system. Keep being amazing! Good luck and keep us updated
I wonder if part of his trying to play happy family and rope OP in was to try and look good with his future in laws.
Block him and his abuse because even though you are technically already gone, he is still unleashing his vitriol on you. What a mean, miserable man he is! Don’t look back. You did nothing wrong here, but exist, and that was too hard for your parents to deal with. Best of luck to you and stay strong!
Time to put your dad on mute so you don’t have to read his hateful nonsense.
You’ll want those messages to hand if he finds out where you are and calls the police for a fake wellness check or whatever.
Your planning is paying off. All the best for your next phase in life.
NTA also you don’t owe your dad a penny it is his legal responsibility to pay for all your needs until you’re an adult.
Your asshat of a sperm donor maybe stressed but what he’s done and said to you is absolutely bullshit. I hope he has a massive wake up call.
Make sure you keep his communication as proof if you need it because get the feeling he’ll play victim to his own actions
I’m an unwanted child. I started planning my escape at 18 at a similar age too.
From someone who understands, believe me when I tell you that I am so proud of you and how you handled all of this. You’ve shown maturity and dignity way beyond your years. You’re so lucky to have your friends with you and trust me, life will be so much better now that you’re free from all the toxicity. Time to start making a family of people you choose. Exciting stuff.
Good luck in life. I’m really rooting for you. Don’t forget to check in every once in a while to let us know how you’re getting on.
Dude I’ve been in your position. He will never change and he will never feel regret or remorse. Don’t hope for anything because it will be bullshit. Shit, I had my negligent father scream at me that I “owe” him when he’s been gone majority of my life. Kids never owe their parents anything. If there is a debt the parents have already failed. Nta. I hope and wish you the best.
I wish you well.
NTA but if he has kicked you out Dave the messages, speak to your friends parents, they might agree to contacting cps on your behalf and seeing if their are snd state/government benefits they can claim to alleviate some of the financial costs.
NTA. But I would send a letter to his future wife letting her know your side of this. Make it clear to her that you never intended to hurt her children and why you reacted the way you did. It will help her understand who she is marrying and why you behaved as you did. Apologize to her if you hurt her feelings and assure her that it wasn’t personal, it was just her family getting caught in the crossfire of your Dad’s ongoing rejection of his child.
A letter like this will help keep your Dad from completely controlling the narrative, make you seem more human, and hopefully help her realize his true character.
it’s just… wow, the gall of some people is astounding, and NTA, you absolutely deserve to walk away and build a life free of that kind of toxicity, because, honestly, it’s a lot to carry around, especially when you’re trying to move forward, and yeah, your friends’ parents sound like angels, they’re giving you the support you need right now.
Congratulations. It sounds like you’ve escaped a very toxic situation. I suggest going over to r/raisedbynarcissists. Their sidebar has a bunch of very useful resources, and the people over there offer very good advice. It doesn’t matter if your father is ACTUALLY a narcissist, it’s a sub for people who’ve experienced the types of abuse you’re describing, especially the telling you that you need to leave at 18, and then also the raging at you when you don’t comply with his orders.
I sincerely hope you find people that can become your new “family,” and please remember that found family is still family.
I’m so sorry. No child deserves to be treated this way.
You deserve so much better.
Lawyer up immediately. Lots of love for you.
Block him on your phone and all socials. You don’t need his poison in your life anymore.
Stick with your plan. Make the best of your life. You are a courageous young man. Never forget that.
” Thank you for your messages. I will be in touch with the necessary departments to confirm the upcoming child support payments that you are legally obligated to pay until i am independent (21). I am currently seeking legal advice regarding what you have noted and if need be, the necessary legal personnel will be in touch. Please do not contact me again. “
NTA
Sounds like your dad wanted you there as a babysitter, so he doesn’t have to be bothered with the younger kids. What a shitty dad he is.
Good luck sweetie