Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/LeAu8iG69T
Things have gotten messier. I was let known that my father was let on bail and he tried to harm himself supposedly. He’s still in the hospital. He’s supposed to be on some anger management classes but lacks the will to live. He’s supposedly super depressed and sorry about his actions because apparently he can’t live without my siblings.
My grandma (dad’s mom) left me a few messages saying I was a monster and lacked empathy for a sick man, and that regardless he was my father and gave me life so I should respect him and not ruin his life. I was also told it was my fault he had harmed himself. Honestly, I don’t even think it’s true.
I was also informed that my grandma will be petitioning for custody and later for adoption of the kids unless I drop the charges. My grandma is as bad as dad. She has anger issues and has BPD too. I know she doesn’t want the kids and will only fight for custody so I can’t get them.
My aunt (mom’s sister), who’s currently fostering the kids, has been receiving threatening and stalkish messages from an unknown sender. We went to the police but there’s not much they can do since we don’t know who it is. We told them who we suspect but they just said to tell the person to stop. Feels like they’ll only take it seriously if something actually happens.
Initially she did not want to take in the kids because she said she didn’t want the drama and that my father is dangerous and problematic, so she wanted to stay out. But I convinced her. She’s told me she doesn’t want problems or risk her safety, which I understand. At first she accepted to look after them until I got the housing thing in order, but now she’s saying that if things continue like this she’d have to let the kids go.
Coincidentally, this happens when grandma decides to want the kids too. I asked my lawyer and he said that if my aunt steps down and if I don’t have stable housing yet they’d go to my grandma’s. So I’m a bit worried. I need about $1,350 left. With my car getting broken into and bills, I’d say it would take me close to three more weeks to get the money.
Anyway, thanks for the support. We have an advisory hearing this Thursday and I know grandma will be there. I’ll update depending on if things get worse.
Comments
It sounds like your grandma is trying to guilt and scare you into giving up, but the fact that your aunt is already receiving threats shows how toxic this whole situation is. Make sure you and your aunt keep records of those messages and push the police if it escalates. You’re doing the right thing by fighting for a safer environment for your siblings.
You’re doing the right thing. Keep fighting for the kids.
Keep fighting. You’ve got this. Get the kids and show them you won’t back down. They need you.
Updateme
Don’t you dare drop the charges. Tell and document these threats with your attorney so this gets to the judge.
Updateme
Updateme!
What is everyone involved ages?
It helps for context.
I know you mentioned ages in the first post. But is that current ages or ages when all this horror started?
So reading the old post and then this post, i’m more surprised you haven’t made a gofundme, with this stuff explained, linked on both posts(unless thats not allowed, i havent looked at sub rules). Even if you only get a bit out of it from strangers, you could be pushing that 3 weeks down to 2 weeks.
>We told them who we suspect but they just said to tell the person to stop.
With stunning advice Iike this, who needs police protection? /s
Keep pushing and keep being there for your siblings. I hope that you know that you are truly the best parent those kids have ever had.
Im praying and thinking of all of you!! That’s about all I can do now…can I share your story??
Also…idk if its been mentioned, but there are subs here like a donation one and a kindness group also I think that might be able to help? Idk how to link them…maybe someone else Will. And if you do have a gofundme, please DM it me.
Sending hella love and strength and just everything cuz you GOT this. ❤️
I don’t live in the States but I’m legally trained and in my country your grandmother wouldn’t be allowed to take them unless she could guarantee their protection from her son, like having no contact, proof of ended relationship or restraining order. From your posts this doesn’t seem like the case and your grandmother is on your dad’s side. It would be extremely negligent of CPS to put the kids in the care of someone who would provide access to the person who abused them. I’d discuss this point with your lawyer. It’d be best if you had actual proof of either abuse from her or that she’d allow your father access to his kids. Maybe a text message or something might be enough. There has to be a protective back stop that prevents kids going into the care of someone like your grandmother. Talk to your lawyer. Talk to CPS. Hell, talk to a newspaper to shine a light on it. Good luck.
Updateme
Absolutely LOVE the audacity of your grandma…
“You holding a terminally ill man accountable for attacking you makes you a monster”
Naw NTA man i’m sorry :/
NTA where does grandma live….I just wanna talk
Updateme!
UpdateMe
Do you have any of the threats to your Aunt (although you can’t prove who is sending them) on voice mail, recordings and or messages? Keep them, take a video of them, pics.
Do you have any communications by message or voice mail from your grandma saying she doesn’t want them, how problematic your dad is, anything disparaging against him or the kids? Do the same with these. Same with threats towards you, even it’s name calling, disowning you.
You mention your grandma is as bad. Screenshot of her social media demonstrating her lack of character (anger, and her lack of mental stability) would help. Also how stable is she mentally? You mention BPD and anger issues. Does she have a record? Is there anyone or any situation that can show she isn’t safe and you can prove? Use it.
Don’t pick up your grandma’s calls, hopefully she leaves you threatening voicemails to prove how she should never get custody. Do not drop the charges. Your father being depressed is not your fault in any way; it sounds like he might need to stay in a mental hospital instead of jail.
Focus on doing what you can for your siblings.