OG Post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1l6gu09/aitah_for_telling_an_exchange_student_to_not_date/
Hello everybody, I just wanted to clarify a few things before I update you all. Firstly, Toby is my son (I think a lot of people were under the impression that he was just my husband’s, I guess I worded that strangely). Second, everything I have done to try to prevent any form of escalation of Toby’s behavior was dismissed by my husband. Any punishments were immediately reversed when he got home. Thirdly, I got Toby tested for any form of mental disability after his first expulsion (he’s been expelled twice), and he is neurotypical as far as the test go (I got him tested for ADHD, ASD, OCD, and BPD). Fourth, my husband has never been violent towards my children and I, if he’s upset, he’ll direct that energy to something else or activity. Fifth, it feels like a lot of people thought I was ‘stealing from my family’ by skimming money from the grocery budget. But, it was just spare change and notes from after my shopping trips. It’s not like I was stealing the entire grocery budget. And finally, yes, I can hear and understand the ‘why haven’t you left’ or ‘why didn’t you do this?’. It’s taken a lot of talking between my family, friends, and now you people of Reddit, for me to realize Liz and I didn’t deserve this, ESPECIALLY Liz.
So, now for the update, I am filing for divorce. I packed Liz up and took her back to my home country for ‘girls time’ with her cousins. While there, I made and had a virtual appointment with two different lawyers from the same firm. They are currently drafting the paperwork, but they also recommended I talk to local law enforcement about a possible protective order against Toby and my husband. Given their behavioral tendencies, I may consider it. And before everyone comes after me for ‘abandoning Toby’, this hurts me too. But, at this point, I have to protect Liz. And if I plan to have full custody of her (which the lawyers said was highly guaranteed if Toby continues to live with my husband), I need to separate myself from them. I’m still in my home country, talking to my family about everything. Just as I confirmed before, Toby has not gone after any of his cousins (I asked since I needed any additional accounts for legal reasons).
Right now, I’m ok, but honestly, I don’t know if I’ll update again. I just really want to put this entire situation at rest, so, I may see you guys again or I may not. But, thank you all for the support, advice, and courage.
Comments
You’re doing the right thing by protecting Liz and yourself. It’s heartbreaking, but sometimes distance is the only way to truly create safety and peace. Wishing you strength moving forward.
Nice try asshole.
As long as money were fine you didn’t mind.
YTA
YTA
Funny how your dodging accountability for how your son turned out
You make excuses saying your husband shot down your attempts to help your son but the fact that you let that stop you shows that you never actually gave a damn about your son. Your nothing but a gold digging misandrist who’s trying to play victim after you let your son get so messed up. Quite frankly your a failure of a mother and should never had kids
NTAH, ignore the incels. I’m glad you are protecting yourself and your daughter
Updateme
I am happy to learn that you and Liz are okay/safe, ignore the incels in the comments, you are doing what is best for you and Liz
Updateme
Something is missing between the first and second post
This is most likely fake.
YTA
I find it so so succulent knowing Incel Toby got his fetish ripped from him in real time. Thank god you warned the girl about that immature little boy and his little boy dad
I am so proud of you for escaping and saving yourself and your daughter from that environment! NTA and I wish you all the best, internet stranger <3
YTA This is all so fake, but you’re still an AH.
Please be careful. Your husband may have international law on his side if you file for divorce while out of the country. Especially if you and Liz are not citizens of whatever country you are currently visiting. You need to make sure that the legal firm you are working with is very familiar with international divorce and custody laws while you pursue this while outside the country you and Liz have been living in.
Also, as a follow-up to your last post, no, “degeneracy” is not hereditary. Fetishizing exotic women is not hereditary. These behaviors are not coded in DNA; they are taught, and your son was taught to behave this way by his father. Which also means you’re going to need to think about your role in your son’s life; I’d suggest you prioritize therapy for you and your daughter (separately) ASAP.
Updateme. Stay safe op.
I’m happy to hear that you protected yourself and your daughter by getting away from them. Don’t listen to some of the incels on here.
NMI what happened when your DH got home?