This update may be earlier than expected, but I also wasn’t expecting to get a call from his grandma today either.
So 2 days ago my fiancé asked me on behalf of his mother if 2 extended family could be added to the guest list and as we are 2 weeks away from our wedding, I told him that just can’t happen this close to the wedding and he also didn’t even originally invite them. (I could also tell he was being pressured to bring it up) but anyways I told him no and told him to tell his family to give me space about wedding stuff because we’re in the final stretch and changes are no longer negotiable (they never were negotiable but you know what I mean)
Anywho I get off work today and only 2 weekends (including this one) stand between me and the wedding and I just want to settle into the bliss. But then I get a call from an unsaved number but I thought it was my doctors office so I picked up….. to a very disgruntled grandma (MIL’s mother) grilling me about the guest list. Asking me what was going on why some people were invited and not others and what can I do to change it and I explained that I took the guest list from my fiancé and anyone who wasn’t immediate family I didn’t recognize or ask questions because it’s my fiancés list of people he wanted to invite. Which she angrily said I should’ve asked her for who should be invited, not my fiancé.
To which I then realized I never gave her my number so how on earth did she get it??????
Anyways after I somehow got off the phone with her I told my fiancé everything….. and he immediately called her and told her to back off and to spread the word that the wedding is ours and it’s in 2 weeks and it’s not up for discussion and if they have issues to call him not me. (🥳💃🤸♀️)
His grandma even sent her apologies.
However….. now I’m a tiny bit worried how the wedding will unfold but for now maybe I’ll have some peace and quiet until the big day. (If not I’ll start cussing people out myself)
Comments
nta. it’s your wedding. if his family wants input, they can plan their own event
I can safely assume that you’ve planning this for a while. Sometime ago would have been a good time for granny to ask about all this, NOT 2 weeks before “the day.”
And your response was letter perfect, as was our fiancee.
As for the wedding itself, I suspect they will not cause problems. You two were direct in shooting down the BS. They should understand that you are NOT fucking around.
NTA
There’s no doubt you’re going to have people not on your list strolling up like it’s a public event at this point.
Do you know what a flying monkey is? Those are the people someone marshals to send out to do their bidding. That is usually in bringing pressure on a person from another source to get them to cave in and accept what that person wants. You ask how g’ma got your number? Does future MIL have it? That would be my guess.
And she actually had the audacity to say this, “Which she angrily said I should’ve asked her for who should be invited, not my fiancé.” Wow. That takes some cojones.
The wedding will
Be fine , it’s the BS after , if you want kids and then names religons is it his side or yours for god parents , why does your mom get to see kids first . I’m sorry to say this but maybe they will butt out
nope, nta.
NTA
BUT I’d think long & hard about this wedding. Is this really a family you want to be part of until death do you part? Do you plan to have children? Are you going to be ok with everyone all up in ALL your business for the rest of your life?
Spend some time at r/JustNoMIL begore you walk down the ausle to your doom.
Does fiance have a cousin or an aunt or uncle related to grandma that can manage her or at least keep an eye on her during the wedding? She apologized, so hopefully she’ll still be in the “kind of embarrassed I got called out” stage. Your future MIL or fiance siblings deserve to enjoy your wedding too, so someone a little more distant. You also fill your wedding party in on the situation and deputize them to handle things without involving you or your groom – by either distracting her, listening to her rant (so she isn’t spouting off to a guest who has no idea what is going on, or going and getting that aforementioned cousin or aunt/uncle. Worst case, grab your groom’s parents.
If you are genuinely worried she’s invited people – you give the master list of guests to the wedding planner or the person in charge of the venue. Let them know of your concerns.
When they cannot find their name on the seating chart, again you have told wedding party and a few key people of the situation – and they will get the wedding planner/venue coordinator. That person can then say “I do not see you on the list, and I know it is accurate. Did you receive an actual invite? Oh, it was from Grandma? I am so sorry – they’ve had some issues with her being confused about the guest list and the capacity of the venue. We simply do not have seats or food for you – I’m so sorry, but I’m going to have to ask you to leave. We’re at capacity now.”
At least he has your back! A great start to your future
Updateme
“Anyways” ……. 🙄
NTA
You are drawing clear boundaries and your fiance is being supportive.
The only other thing to consider is some discreet door security with invited guests only being allowed in.
Elope
You are not the asshole and your fiance 100% needs to be featured on the green flag guy videos that you see on YouTube. How awesome is it that he’s standing up for you already! Marriage is a partnership. Even when things get tough you should know that your life partner has your back. So awesome you guys are starting out on such a great foot! And congratulations and good luck with the wedding
HIRE SECURITY!!!
Just in case anyone from his fam decides to try to wear white or bring an uninvited guest. And some people may get butt hurt, LET THEM! Get your security peeps to deal with them.
So many weddings have been ruined by family drama, don’t let this happen on your special day. Trust me, the peace of mind it will give you is priceless.
I wonder how did she get your phone number?! I sure hope it wasn’t your fiancé!
This is a green flag for your fiancee in that he doesn’t have a problem standing up to family. NTA.