1st post, where my ex and her family made me sleep on the couch, and I requested her parents do the same at mine.
2nd post, where I brought up issues in our relationship and it led to her being cold to me.
3rd post, where I did the same onto her, and it led to our breakup.4th post, where my ex begun telling our mutuals false things about how we broke up, and I feared she would be at a party I was supposed to attend
Hey it’s me again, thought I should update since I can’t sleep before work tomorrow (today was a holiday for me) and i’ve been thinking a lot. There will be a TL;DR at the bottom of this post.
I wll probably start posting on my account from now on, since this is my 5th update afterall lol.
Since my ex has been telling people she had to “escape” the relationship and much more, I started texting some mutuals of ours, and kinda of “steer” the conversation towards the breakup, and I said bits and pieces about how we broke up and such and most the replies were essentially “Well that’s not what she told me….” and “Really..?”. It’s up to them who they believe, but atleast my side / the truth is out there now, and not just whatever she’s saying.
I talked to my friend who stayed over while we were breaking up, and he’s one of my few seperate friends from her, and told me he’d back me up if ever needed which is nice.
I did decide to go to the party, and overall it went fine. She was there, but she didin’t make a scene like some people thought she would. She was always on the other side of the rooms with her girlfriends, and 100% were just staring at me / talking about me, but nothing worse than that. I didin’t really drink, because i feared if I got drunk i’d make a fool of myself or go up and talk to her lol. She did get very drunk though, but did not try to talk to me or anything.
On Sunday morning though, I got a text from our good friend / host, and he told me I wouldn’t be invited over anymore. I asked why, and he said that my ex requested it, since at the party she felt very “unsafe” since I was there and incredibly “uncomfortble”. I won’t lie this upset me and I asked him if she had any proof i’ve ever done anything to her which he responded that I was “victim blaming” and stuff, so I promptly told him my side and the whole story and all he said was “It’s best we remain calm, and you just don’t come in the future.” Which really sucks.
Since the party, I’ve noticed a lot of my followers go down on everything, (I never had a lot anyways) and that a lot of people are taking her side in things, and are unfriending me / removing me as their friend on evereything without saying anything. I never had many seperate friends from her, just mutual ones, but she always had a lot of seperate ones so this sucks. I have no idea what she’s saying about me / our relationship either, other than from the one mutual friend before who said she had to escape the relationship, and was mean to her / her family, but I think it’s much worse than just that.
No idea where to go from here.
TL;DR: Told my side of the story / the truth to people, went to the party and saw my ex, nothing really happened till the next day, our good friend / the host requested I no longer come over for her sake, and not a lot of people are unfriending me on everything.
Comments
Reminder not to downvote assholes |
Original copy of post’s text: 1st post, where my ex and her family made me sleep on the couch, and I requested her parents do the same at mine.
2nd post, where I brought up issues in our relationship and it led to her being cold to me.
3rd post, where I did the same onto her, and it led to our breakup.4th post, where my ex begun telling our mutuals false things about how we broke up, and I feared she would be at a party I was supposed to attend
Hey it’s me again, thought I should update since I can’t sleep before work tomorrow (today was a holiday for me) and i’ve been thinking a lot. There will be a TL;DR at the bottom of this post.
I wll probably start posting on my account from now on, since this is my 5th update afterall lol.
Since my ex has been telling people she had to “escape” the relationship and much more, I started texting some mutuals of ours, and kinda of “steer” the conversation towards the breakup, and I said bits and pieces about how we broke up and such and most the replies were essentially “Well that’s not what she told me….” and “Really..?”. It’s up to them who they believe, but atleast my side / the truth is out there now, and not just whatever she’s saying.
I talked to my friend who stayed over while we were breaking up, and he’s one of my few seperate friends from her, and told me he’d back me up if ever needed which is nice.
I did decide to go to the party, and overall it went fine. She was there, but she didin’t make a scene like some people thought she would. She was always on the other side of the rooms with her girlfriends, and 100% were just staring at me / talking about me, but nothing worse than that. I didin’t really drink, because i feared if I got drunk i’d make a fool of myself or go up and talk to her lol. She did get very drunk though, but did not try to talk to me or anything.
On Sunday morning though, I got a text from our good friend / host, and he told me I wouldn’t be invited over anymore. I asked why, and he said that my ex requested it, since at the party she felt very “unsafe” since I was there and incredibly “uncomfortble”. I won’t lie this upset me and I asked him if she had any proof i’ve ever done anything to her which he responded that I was “victim blaming” and stuff, so I promptly told him my side and the whole story and all he said was “It’s best we remain calm, and you just don’t come in the future.” Which really sucks.
Since the party, I’ve noticed a lot of my followers go down on everything, (I never had a lot anyways) and that a lot of people are taking her side in things, and are unfriending me / removing me as their friend on evereything without saying anything. I never had many seperate friends from her, just mutual ones, but she always had a lot of seperate ones so this sucks. I have no idea what she’s saying about me / our relationship either, other than from the one mutual friend before who said she had to escape the relationship, and was mean to her / her family, but I think it’s much worse than just that.
No idea where to go from here.
TL;DR: Told my side of the story / the truth to people, went to the party and saw my ex, nothing really happened till the next day, our good friend / the host requested I no longer come over for her sake, and not a lot of people are unfriending me on everything.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Damn I have been following these posts for a while now, and I must say I’m really sorry OP.
I totally get the whole “believe the victim” first situation that most people are siding with (even though she was never a victim) but losing your friends and stuff really wasnt where I pictured this going especially if she had no proof. I am really surprised she didin’t do anything at the party though, I really thought she’d be making a massive scene or something especially if she got drunk
I’d be scared OP though, it’s REALLY easy to fake messages, photos, etc. I wouldn’t be surprised she takes this steps further / already has especially if anyone HAS asked for proof from her. Most people I know wouldn’t have a mass unfollowing of friends unless there was some proof to it
Find new friends and move on… it’s called life
Why don’t you just send everyone the posts on here? Let them see how the story unfolded themselves. Plus I’m sure you have to have some texts proving your side of things. Personally I would clear your name. It’s great you tried to be the bigger person and just ignore it, but now it’s costing you friends, could even damage career opportunities in the future.
I have not been following these posts. But I am going to throw out there, that if everybody you know seems to be taking her side, and sending you the vibe that your behavior is weird
You may not be aware of something. Do you not have a best friend, the kind that will slap you in the face with truth, if that’s what you need.
If everybody is saying ” give it some space and some time, do your best to avoid her”, that’s your second level friends who aren’t willing to slap you in the face with truth.
However, I am conceding that I could be full of crap. But again, if you’ve got a really honest friend, that’s where I would go. Do not try to explain your position to them if they tell you that you’re being a dick. Accept that.
Your friends suck. Find new ones.
I think you should sue her for defamation of character. Then her true colour will come out. Make sure you document everything
Where to go from here??? Move on with your life. I know it sucks when someone has lied to all your friends about you. They have their minds made up. Go on with your life,get new friends. It will eat you alive if you dwell on it forever. People always want to side with the fe.ake because she is the victim and deserves all the sympathy. You won’t win this one. Sorry
Start a group chat and include everyone in it, except her. “You can believe all the lies that she tells you, that’s fine, but here’s why I really broke up with her… (post screenshots, proof, etc.) Most of you have just lost a good friend in me. Goodbye “
Tell the friend who said that you aren’t invited anymore, “That’s fine I did nothing wrong, but it’s your right to end our friendship, based on lies. I am deleting you from my life. Goodbye.”
Then block him. Block anyone that takes her side
They clearly aren’t very good friends. Time for an upgrade.
That’s why it’s so important to set the narrative after a breakup. She’s lied on you to anyone who will listen. There’s truth in the saying, hell hath no fury like a woman scorn. All you can do is tell the truth. If you lose friends, so be it. Not your friends anyway.
That whole “her getting friends to help her escape you” thing cuts deep. I’ve been in that position and didn’t deserve it either. Sorry you’re going through that. The people she lied to and her opinions don’t matter. It’s a life lesson: take it, learn from it, and grow. Your life just opened up in ways that might be hard to see right now
I‘m perplexed that no one was Talking about the guy she stayed with in the last post (After The breakup)
Usually she would‘ve accused for cheating or something Like that .
I would not go that far, but a woman from a conservative, religious family staying over with someone from the opposite sex ? Sounds sketchy at first.
You still have her texts?
If yes, just post/send them to the people.
And then go with, thanks for being such a good friend. You didn’t even try to get the truth before choosing a side.
Then block all of them. You are better off not having them as friends.
Would you post this thread to your fb page for everyone to read….? The news will travel quickly as everyone loves a good story.
UpdateMe!
This is why you shouldn’t block people. You can just mute them so you don’t get notifications when they’re calling/texting a million times, but still have evidence of their crazy when people don’t believe you. OP could just be showing all these people taking her side what actually happened and not lose all their friends.
This is why you tell your story immediately. The first side heard, even if proved to be false, puts a lot of bias into people’s minds.
The fact that she is now making accusations about your being dangerous is too far. You need to tell everybody every facet of this story, including that you avoided her and she is now making false accusations. Anyone who attacks you for this or says you’re not being fair, tell them that she is the one making damaging threats to your reputation, and that you will not hesitate to involve the police if she doesn’t immediately correct her slander. And then, be ready to speak to the police. Have a file ready to go if they show up.
Apart from that, write this friend group off. They’ve made it clear they’re on her side and you’ll never be safe around them again, even once they know the truth.
Wow OP, just caught up on everything that has gone on. Glad you can come here for some support.
You know this really starting to feel how I was lied about/isolated etc where all my friends turned against me, only that was when I was 14 and at an all girls school.
I remember asking what could I do to get them to like me again. It was a stupid question really because nothing I could have done would have changed their mind. After a really f*ing long time I eventually made new friends who I am still really close to 25 years later.
I get that it hurts, I still know that pain all these years later but it is now a faded distant view that has given me good life lessons I have taken into the rest of my life.
Point of the story- do those hobby classes you talked about early on. Build confidence in yourself. Confidence is desirable to others and is an amazing way to make friends. Be the best you that you can be. I believe in you. Spend time with people who deserve your company.
Updateme
You needs to put the links in your Instagram bio and make a post on your feed and story telling people to read your side.
If you continue to let her lie this could follow you to jobs
First let me say I find these people’s reactions unfair but at the same time, it is just part of a breakup that the friend have to pick a side, and your EX does not like you at all anymore. She does not want to be around you. If they were her friends first, then it is understandable, but also very sad and I am sorry this is happening to you. Unfortunately you have to just close this chapter, make new friends, and leave her in the past. Good Luck!
Where to go from here?
You move on. And you find a new social circle.
Do send a few friends this thread of posts. If only to set the record straight.
But there’s no running after your ex, denying everything she says.
I would be curious to know how you were supposedly ‘victim blaming’, as that friend said.
Whet exactly would your girlfriend be the victim of, then?