Hello everyone. It’s been quite a while since my original post so I don’t know if anyone will actually read this, but here it is. I followed the advice of some commenters and communicated with my boyfriend and got him to do some foreplay (just fingering for a couple minutes with him constantly asking if I was “ready yet”💀) and we purchased lube. After that the sex became more manageable and I didn’t completely dread it, and in doing more PIV I was able to avoid blowjobs. However, he still was horny constantly and didn’t seem to understand that despite the improvements I still didn’t want to constantly have sex.
In addition to that, I started college and simultaneously kept my job, so I’ve been busy with that. But he still wanted to see me constantly and that cut into my studying time and I barely passed one of my classes. I was almost never home or got to see my family and I missed them. I felt like I was seeing his family more than mine even though I was living with mine. Plus he quit the job we met at (I still work there) and he moved to a seasonal position at a different retail store chain. He insisted they’d keep him after the holidays (spoiler, they didn’t).
Well, things started happening and I was noticing more and more red flags. He was disrespecting his mother and his dads girlfriend (his parents have been separated since he was young), avoided going to my house, never paid me back for football tickets I had to buy for him because his bank wouldn’t let him, kept calling male kpop idols “gay” (I’ve been a kpop fan since 2020), made me leave a kpop concert I completely paid for us to go to after I got sick and puked in the bathroom (reasonable) and then proceeded to take me to Buffalo Wild Wings AFTER I THREW UP because I promised to pay since he went to the concert with me (not reasonable), kept asking me to post him on insta but posted me once, was extremely rude when meeting my best friend and her parents, hated on pretty much everyone except his friends, and this one I admit is pretty petty but he had really bad grammar and spelling.
Anyways, I originally tried breaking up with him at the end of November but he guilt tripped me into staying with him saying he’d “promise to be a better boyfriend.” Well as stated above he lost his job, was unemployed and had no plans for college or trade school (which he kept telling me he was going to do). I was getting fed up with this and broke up with him mid-January after hardly ever seeing him since I had originally tried breaking up with him. I didn’t block him quite yet because he was leaving me alone.
But a week later a friend of his was texting me posts from an account called (my ex’s name)lover on insta, and one of his friends that still worked with me kept asking about him, so he clearly hadn’t told anyone I’d broken up with him. I confronted him and he said they’d think less of him. Anyways, after that he started bothering me more so I blocked him and his friends on everything.
Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago, mid-March. He comes in to my work while I’m cashiering and comes through my line to return my chapstick I had left there. Two months later. I had already met up with him right after the breakup to return his sweatshirt, but no he had to wait 2+ months. I threw the chapstick away. I thought this was really odd and I hope that was the end of it. I know I also left a scrunchie over there, and frankly I don’t want it, so if he tries this again I’m going to confront him.
So anyways, I got the sex stuff partially figured out and have also realized he was a terrible partner and potentially person in general. I’m very thankful to all the responses I got to my original post as they helped me a lot in figuring out sex in general. I know a lot of people were also telling me to just break up with him, and I kind of wish I had at that point so I didn’t waste so much of my time and energy on him, but I feel like it was a learning experience at the very least.
Comments
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our rules here. We’d like to take this time to remind users that:
We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors
We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.
Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users “friend-zoned”, referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me’s, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. This is not an all-inclusive list.
All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don’t get a free pass.
Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, “body counts” or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. This is not an all-inclusive list.
If you have any questions, please message the mods
This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
I’m so glad that you got out of this relationship, you certainly deserve so much better. Proud of you and wish you all the best going forward!!
If your manager’s any help at all, you should also tell them your concerns about him potentially showing up again so they can help you run interference if telling him to go away yourself doesn’t work. But yeah, hopefully that’s the end of it. And hopefully you won’t find yourself in another relationship like that again, but if you do, hopefully you’ll be ready to go as soon as the red flags start flying.
I’m sorry your first relationship experience ended up being with someone so undeserving. I hope the next one is miles better.