Hi thank you to those who responded to my post a lot of your advice and support really helped me see from a different view if i didnt read your comments i probably would have just crawled back to her with a bunch of sorrys. If anyone wants context here’s my last post in this sub reddit
https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/s/Y8BjaxBzL2
I dont know if that link works or not but yeah. So my mom has been ignoring me since Sunday and won’t even come out for breakfast. She’s been sending my dad to speak to me through her. Also we live all together and im in collage so it’s not really easy but despite the things she’s done I still love her stupidly and her ignoring me and giving me silent treatment is really putting a toll on me I’ve been between angry and crying. I’ve been with my brother to try and sooth myself because usually he makes me feel better but even then I just break down and cry. I dont mean to put such a weight on my brother but it’s too much. I tried to talk to my dad and I poured a whole heartfelt speech to him and he ignored it and just sent me a text asking me when his package on amazon is coming. I dont think ive ever felt so shattered. Is this really how my relationship with my parents is now? I can’t believe she won’t talk to me out of her own pride. Is she just going to treat me like my aunts? Not talk to me for years till they say something? And I can’t attempt to explain my point she always cuts me off. I just want to talk to her again and have a normal relationship, collage is starting and my own mom is ignoring me. Any advice?
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Maybe i should just say sorry this silent treatment is really killing me. I can’t even eat lunch in the dining room i have to stand and eat in the kitchen
This isn’t how your parents are “now”. This is how they’ve always been, but you didn’t experience it because you did what your mom wants. Standing up for yourself will always lead to this reaction. Sorry you’re going through this, but you need to stay strong. College is a time for you to learn and become independent. Embrace that and move on from this toxic environment. I would try to move on campus.
Can you go out for a walk or run, bike ride or gym? Can you go over to a friend’s place for the evening, or facetime/call a friend outside of the house?
She’s playing the Silent Treatment game, and the only way forward is to live your best life. If you apologise, just know that she’ll take it as a clear sign that, for the next disagreement, giving you the Silent Treatment works after X days… so she’ll always go to X+1.
Stick on your headphones, listen to whatever distracts you! Or stick on reading music and pick up a book.
The only person you can control here is yourself.
Reach out to your aunts, would they be there for you to talk to. You’re feeling guilty over your reaction to her crappy behaviour towards you … when you frame it like that, it doesn’t quite hit the same does it! If you can get some level of counselling or someone you can talk to then do that. You need to release the guilt and realise that being older doesn’t give her the right to treat you badly. As for your dad? He’s an enabler, he’s watching his own daughter hurting and does nothing because he doesn’t want to be in your mothers firing line himself … very cowardly.
You’re giving her what she wants. She wants to see you suffer under your punishment of being denied the blessing of her presence. Stop crying. Go about the house unbothered. Don’t try to talk to her. You’ve been given a gift by being relieved from dealing with your shitty mother.
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Sounds like your mom’s pride and ego are more important than your relationship. You can’t fix her, but you can set boundaries to protect yourself. Consider therapy to cope with the emotional toll.
Ok, I hope to make this my final update? But I also understand I hadn’t read anyone’s comments before I talked to her, but I should have known better, but whatever i learned the hard way and that slapped me awake. Please, no judgment, my mental health is incredibly weak right now aside from this whole fight with my mom. I know im stupid. My brother asked my mom when she would talk to me she blamed me for the silent treatment. ??? I tried to talk to her and She just victim blamed and then cried and switch the whole conversation till I just broke while she talks about my dad with my brother because she knows he rants about it. I kept trying to keep it on topic, and then she blamed me for when I was in middle school and not interested in making bracelets. And I’ve always been evil to her. Half of that doesn’t even make sense. But she just doesn’t want to admit she made some mistakes. Im tired, numb, I have no tears, and I just kinda started grunting in response because what more can i say. Im not mad. Im not sad. Im just…out of it. I couldn’t even get mad during the fight. I just got loud, but inside, I felt nothing. I felt like I was rehearsing a play. I honestly left mid conversation taking your guys’ advice. I never said sorry. I told my part. Once I realized I was stupid trying to fight a narcissist, I just began to tune her out and drew on a napkin before she began questioning me and I just looked at her and agreed to everything she said and repeated what she told me and she sat there shocked and I went back to doodling, read your guys comments and left leaving them to sit in their cesspool of other topics.
She’s not ignoring you because she’s hurt, she’s ignoring you because it works. Silent treatment is just manipulation in a prettier dress.