Link to original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/s/b3wGYg30sd
TLDR; My boyfriend’s parents ignored me for over a year and that and the instability it caused has lead to us breaking up, but on good terms.
So… This last week has been a whirlwind of emotions. We mutually decided to break up on Wednesday last week over snapchat (i know, not great). We didnt speak until I dropped off his belongings on Saturday. I was so surprised when he asked if we could talk. I honestly thought that he wouldnt entertain the idea of speaking to me again, not because I didnt think he loved me, but I didnt think in a million years he would be as open as he was.
I was heartbroken, I didn’t think we’d even talk again, so I messaged an old friend from before me and my ex met. We had a walk and caught up, had some food, and he ended up blowing me. I felt nothing. It felt empty. I simply thought, this relationship is over, he’ll never want to talk to me again, so I’ll try to something fun to take my mind off things.
When my ex asked if we could talk on Saturday, i drove us somewhere more secluded and he broke down. He opened up and was vulnerable and told me how much he loved me and that he was so sorry for the way I had been treated and that he wished he could do something about his parents but with the way they are, they would make his home life miserable. I nearly threw up… Here was this lad I have all of the love in the world for, and I finally had the context behind the decisions and actions he had made. I saw a past version of myself when I lived with my father in his eyes. The inability to have a safe and comfortable conversation with our parents. But I knew that we needed some time apart. I broke down too, I was fully vulnerable and open about how I felt, and we both held each other. We got some ice cream and just sat and talked.
We decided that we both need some space and that we will continue as friends, with the possibility of getting back together if we both feel its right.
I know we both need some time apart to grow and develop as young adults into the lives we are creating for ourselves, but with the context I learned when we talked, my mindset completely shifted. I want him. None of that other shit matters. The ache I felt living without being included in his family’s activities is nothing compared to the hole in my heart created by his absence.
We have scheduled a time to hang out as friends at the end of september/early october after he has finished his masters degree. Im going to use this month to rejoin the gym and really get myself stuck into learning for my apprenticeship. This was my first relationship, and I know there are periods after breakups that are emotional, but already with the shift in mindset… I can’t imagine a reality without this man with me. I want to put the feelers out in a few weeks, message him subtely, and then ask one of his close friends who I got to know quite well, where they think he is emotionally, and then I plan to confess when I see him. I won’t suffocate him with my feelings or be too clingy, but I want to tell him how much he means to me and that at a time when he feels comfortable, I would love to give our relationship another try.
What are your thoughts? This man is such an amazing, happy, energetic beautiful soul… And I love him. What should I do, whilst giving us both time to grow and see what its like without each other?