Update- I have to break up with him and it hurts so bad

I’ve just woke up and I’ve been getting messages asking for an update.

I assume this is a good journal sort of entry for my future self so I can remember what he put me through.

Well I am sorry but he hasn’t answered, it’s 10:21 am. I know he’s awake, I know he has read it…he has seen my peleas and decided that it’s better to message me later (or maybe not at all). I’ve come to realize that he’s a coward and the fact that he’s so comfortable leaving me in pain is evil.

One comment said that he’ll be back, that he’ll try to get me back for years and that this is not over. That I need to be strong and persevere. She’s right

My ex before him did the same, men like this don’t just leave, they linger and clearly it seems like I have a type.

My mom sent me a big message saying how sorry she is but reminding me how loved I am. She said that I am beautiful, smart, young and talented and that he never deserved me. She has even offered to pay for one of my best friends to join us to my graduation, hotel and all. I might take her up on that

But you guys know what’s crazy? The one thing that keeps me grounded?…the fact that we haven’t broken up yet, the fact that maybe there is some perfect excuse, that maybe he’s still the man I thought he was.

I hate myself for feeling this way, it’s not logical. As I said in one of my comments…I am not a bad bitch, I am a sad bitch.

My face is all puffy, my eyes look like I’ve had an allergic reaction. I feel ugly and I have class soon which sucks.

I don’t even feel like going, I just want to cry. But I won’t let that be an excuse to miss class, I will not let him affect my studies. I will go and sit at the end of the classroom, incase it all gets too much for me and I need to leave.

Baby steps

I’ll keep you guys updated