Hi, I’m the person who’s MIL overstayed during my out of town work trip, and she left a few days into my absence.
I tried to put this all out of my head while I was away, and even prioritized going to a farmers market and getting DH some local souvineers I thought he’d enjoy. I did my job, did it well, and got back late Sunday night/Monday morning.
I went to work on Monday, fell asleep pretty much instantaneously once I was home, and had the conversation with DH today (Tuesday morning). Basically, I’m dissapointing him by how I react to his mother. It’s not enough that I love him, supported his career change, and financially provide the most between the two of us; I’m the problem because I “have it out” for his mom. He even took issue with the gifts I brought back, which I had picked out for him specifically, because I didn’t bring back anything for her.
I tried to explain my perspective, but it’s clear that my marriage is going to end.
I lost my husband to a homeless by choice drug addict, and the splitting of our assets will probably give her a 6 month supply.
I hate it here. I hate her. I hate him. Most of all, I hate myself for letting it get this far.
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Update on Jnmil breaking my only rule, 1 week ago
Jnmil breaks my ONE RULE about overnight visits on the eve of a stressful work trip. Please talk me off the ledge., 1 week ago
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I have kept up with your posts and I am very sorry to hear that he has chosen her, a life with no future, over you, a life with a future. You cannot set yourself on fire to keep him and his mother warm. You have tried to do so much and it has not been, and will not be, enough for her.
That’s so sad. He’s willing to
Blow up his family over an addict who will only drag him down. 🙁
Im so sorry.
I’m sorry you have to make this painful decision. He can’t/won’t put you first. You need to take care of you – and you are doing just that.
Unfortunately for him, he will wake up one day and realize what he has lost. And he will have no one to blame but himself.
Stay strong. You got this!
I’m so sorry. But in a couple of years, you’ll be living your best life and look back on today and know you made the right decision.
Lawyer up my Love! (I’m so sorry it’s come to this)
But, you need to document how he and his Mother have behaved. It may help in division of assets that you have been financially and emotionally abused by both of them.
I wish you Peace and Prosperity 💛✨️🌙🖖
I give it less than a year before DH comes crawling back. Don’t ever let him back in your life OP. You deserve better.
As others have said: lawyer up, don’t delay, another moment in this marriage is one too many. You thought about him when you bought him those unappreciated souvenirs. Now is the time to think about yourself. She will drag him down with her addiction, don’t let her do the same to you.
I’m so sorry. At his age, unfortunately he will never get his head out of his mother’s ass.
Criticizing you for not getting your MIL souvenirs? 🙄 Ugh.
Sometimes, the person we love chooses someone else, or something else, over us, and it stings.
The silver lining here is that you’re going to be free from the pain of constantly being shoved aside for him to make room in his life for a woman that doesn’t deserve his attention or affection.
Your life is going to be your own.
Hugs. It’s so hard to come to this point.
I know it sounds cheesy but those of us in this group are here for you through this. I was cynical about strangers being very much of a support group but I have changed my mind. It seems it is possible to have an effective support system of strangers. Would it be better to have someone to sit on the couch and cry with you? Yes no doubt, but we are here nevertheless and hear you and support you and will stick with you through the crap you are likely to go through. I am thankful to have this community for myself and am happy to be here for you. Life is hard but having a safe place to fall/vent is priceless. You got this whatever this turns out to be. Hugs from a stranger…..
Of course it would have been better if you had made this choice months ago. But you are making it now. So many stay, bring multiple children into the mix and give up their jobs after they’ve recognized the situation for what it is. The split is going to be far more painful for your stbx once mommy blows through that cash.
Ooof, I am SO sorry my darling. So sorry you didn’t get what you deserved from this relationship and marriage. Lawyer up, protect your assets, cut your losses, and FLOURISH. May an everlasting, nourishing love find you in any form that is best for you.
It sounds like your husband is codependent. My recommendation is to look out for yourself, since MIL via hubby, needs assets to continue her addiction.
It’s one thing to love your parents. It’s quite another to let them wreck life for you and your spouse. My first wife did the same with her mother and it ruined everything. I’m sorry you’re going through it, but better now than years down the road when your whole life becomes anger and regret over it.
He doesn’t deserve you! He and his mother deserve each other. I hope he finds out the hard way just what he has lost by letting you go and what he has gained by keeping her! Today is the first day of the rest of your life!
i’m really sorry, op
Yeah. MIL doesn’t get souvenirs especially if you don’t live with her. Looks like your husband has made his choice. I’m sorry. Look out for yourself going forward.
Your husband has failed miserably in keeping his vows to love, honor and cherish you, and to forsake ALL others, leave his family and become one with you. I am sorry for the pain it is causing you, but it’s so very important that you now take care of you. You have lovingly made his life better, but it’s now time for him to grow and learn from his choices. You owe it to yourself not to be banging your head against a wall. Start today!
I’m so sorry. Divorce sucks. And what would suck worse would be staying in this situation where JN addict drags your household down the drain. Cut your losses, protect yourself, and move forward into freedom from their daisy chain of poor life choices.
Solidarity.
I’m sorry, OP. It sounds like this is the right, if hardest, choice. Find a divorce lawyer who will advocate for you.
Thank God you realised now and not in 6 months, a year, 5 years or 20.
In a short time you will be free of them both and improving your life. You’ve also learned more about what you aren’t willing to tolerate.
Don’t waste any more time one them. You are worth so much more. Onwards and upwards.
Im so sorry. I recently have been going thru a divorce. Sometimes that is the only answer and the path to happiness.
Love, you deserve so much better than a man – child who prioritizes his addict mummy over his own wife. I know breakups suck, but the sooner you get it done, the better off you will be. Consult with a legal expert ASAP to ensure you know your rights; most are free or at a low cost. I wish you all the best.