Hi everyone, not sure if this will get burried or not, but a few people asked for an update.
First of, I want to thank everyone who gave me feedback in my previous post: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/ehnBl5FLP6
I’ve thought a lot about other people’s experiences and did a lot of self-reflection.
Here’s the update to my previous post:
So, long story short – we broke up amicably.
For those, who want the longer version with a bit of recap of the entire situation:
I omited a lot of details and lied about our personal lives, just so I could get truly unbiased opinions. To tell the truth, I’m a med student, got into med school a bit later because well… life happened. He’s just finished law school. At the time of the concert, I had to study for my anatomy final and could not have any distractions, but I told myself that the concert would be a treat to myself during this tough time period.
We had arrived at his friend’s place where we’d be staying and tbh I’ve never felt so unwelcomed and out of place in my entire life. Me, my bf (let’s call him Jim), his friend Jane and her bf John decided to go to a restaurant in the evening, and Jane basically didn’t acknowledge me for the entire evening. Every time Jim had to leave the table, Jane would turn to John and pretended I wasn’t there. I then heard her say that after dinner, she’d like to go get something cheap and sweet to eat, to which I proposed a certain shop in the city we were in. Jane replied that it smelled there. After asking her how did the shop smell, she looked me in the eyes, laughed and said it smelled like poor people. When Jim returned, I took him aside and told him what Jane has said to me, to which he just laughed. For the rest of the evening it was clear I was sticking out from the group, because the conversation topics were about things I had no knowledge about so I couldn’t participate in them. So I sat in silence until we came back to Jane’s flat. I then cried in the shower. I felt completely useless, like the evening would have gone exactly the same wether I was there or not.
The next day, the ticket incident happened. Jim checked the tickets and realised he booked them for the day before. I tried to get the tickets and was contacted by a scammer, and got scammed circa 80€ (already talked to police but they put the investigation on hold).
During this time, Jim kept repeating how stupid he was and that he would fix everything (just didn’t know how). The artist won’t come to our country any time soon btw. Jim also never said how he would prevent similar mistakes from happening again.
After that, I didn’t speak to him for almost 2 weeks and took to reddit. In the end, I decided to give him one last chance, and said probably both of us should work on our communication. He said he didn’t expect me to give him another chance, didn’t know how to react – so he thought it over for 12+ hours and didn’t contact me. During this time, I kind of emotionally accepted he didn’t want to be with me anymore.
The next day Jim agreed to give it another try, but the excuses started. He kept telling me he would be jobless during the summer, money would be tight, we wouldn’t be able to travel anywhere, that I should enjoy my summer etc. To me, it sounded like he wanted an out, but didn’t want to be the bad guy and propose the break up.
Come to find out, he wasn’t as broke as he was telling me, because he attended a film and music festival. Doing the math, he probably spent around 300€.
So I messaged him that I’m tired, he didn’t even say sorry after Jane insulted me, and I didn’t see him making any effort in planning our future and owning up to his mistakes. We wished each other well, we would be open to communication if we ever crossed paths again, and I now feel like somebody close to me died. Rationally I know I did the right thing, but I’ve never broken up with anyone amicably before, and grieving this relationship is extremely hard on me.
Thank you all for reading. Take care.
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Breakups suck, even when they’re the right decision. Let yourself grieve the future you wanted. Cry. Watch movies that make you cry more. It will get easier.
I hope your finals went well.
Jim and friends sound like right c**ts. Some of those who get into the legal profession really are interested in human welfare but a lot are only interested in themselves. I think ‘Jim’ will be okay because ‘Jim’ will always put himself first.
This will hurt but in the end it will be a relief.
Sorry for your loss. He was a lying, selfish dope.
You tried to conduct your relationship in a mature way and he responded as a teenager.
I think you’ve dodged a big bullet. In a way, it doesn’t sound so amicable. It sounds drawn out and miserable.
Breakups always suck, but you definitely did the right thing. Anyone who would laugh at Jane saying the place you suggested smells like poor people is not someone you want to build a life with.
Ok so this version is different from the first so what relevant information did you get out of the first one that was more or less a lie?