Hello everyone! First of all I would like to thank everyone for your advice to my previous post. I didn’t reply much because I felt really overwhelmed,but I read all of your comments and I want to sincerely thank you.
A lot has happened since then ,so I will try to summarize as coherently as possible.
First of all , I already have a therapist,thank God, I have him for years due to my anxiety issues in general,but he isn’t the biggest fan of my boyfriend either. I find it kinda ironic to pay for someone to help me solve my issues while living with someone who actively wants to create them.
I can see that this relationship is toxic in general, without going into details , he is never happy about anything I do. All my interests ,all my hobbies ,my friends,my family,my job , all just annoy him. Even about the weight issue, when I registered to a gym in our area he wasn’t happy about it, and he said that my new work friend (female and a lot younger that us) influenced me to do it ,like I did something negative. Everything that doesn’t involve sitting on the couch and watching TV is something negative, everything,even if I get tired and want to lay on our bed is bad because I’m leaving him alone.
Anyways… To the present: he is about to be jobless,he works on a project that will end within the summer and he doesn’t care to find a job at all. I think his expectation is that I will work for both of us ,and he has mentioned it “jokingly” many times.
I would have no issue ,in a loving relationship, if my partner suddenly was left without a job to support him ,but that’s not that. And even though we have completely separate finances,he has become really controlling about my money. Today I spent some of MY money on a hobby and he got mad at me ,and later tried to look at the receipt to see how much I spent ,and then became further mad because I wasn’t showing him the receipt, he said that with my behavior he will “have to find out now even if he doesn’t want to” and then gave me the silent treatment.
I know I have to leave. I have told everything to my mom ,and she wants to come tomorrow with her best friend while he is at his job and take me and all of my things. I want to leave, I want to find myself again ,to be able to donl whatever I want without someone controlling even when I am going to lay down.
But I’m scared. Terrified. Today I was in a constant state of panic ,I cried and I wanted to throw up. I don’t know how to do it. Where will I find the courage? I’m afraid that tomorrow will come and I will freeze again ,I will postpone it again ,and the cycle will never end.
Any word of advice will be really appreciated. Thank you ❤️
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It’s like ripping a bandaid off. You have to do it.
You’re scared of the unknown and are clinging to what you know with him.
You gotta leave. This relationship is killing you slowly.
Is your name on the lease? Can you get off the lease? Take your mom’s help, and get a few other friends to help you quickly pack up and leave. Take videos and pictures of the home before you leave to show how you left it.
All you’ve got to do is let your mom take care of you.
Just let it happen.
almost every man on this sub is insane . almost everything i see on here is women that should break up with their partners before they literally start having mental and physical health problems from the stress these men put on them. i am sorry you’re going thru this. this man and this situation is putting your body into fight or flight and literally giving you physical sickly reactions. this can cause effects to your mental and physical health long term. many women get diseases from these type of situations and im not even lying. i hope you can get out❤️ we believe in you and in a few years you’re gonna look back at this and be so proud of yourself and how far you’ve come
All I hear are negative things about him. He doesn’t sound healthy and it doesn’t seem like you will be missing much when you leave.
Is there anything positive about this guy that stops you from wanting to leave? Because I don’t see anything worth while.
this man is a narcissistic loser who feels bad about himself and tries to bring you down to make himself feel better. he wants you to do just enough for the relationship (make money) so that he gets something out of it. he is staying with you , not because he likes you, but because he would not survive a life without leeching onto other people emotionally, financially, etc. but he doesn’t want you to do anything good for yourself cause then you’ll find happiness in other things (exercising, friends, hobbies) and you’ll find your worth & u will want to leave him. this is classic narcissistic behavior and it won’t get better cause he doesn’t even see the issue and he doesn’t care.
Which is worse?
The very temporary fear that you feel over moving out?
Or the long-lasting, permanent fear that you will feel every day, for the rest of your life if you stay?
You cannot let that fear you are feeling keep you in a relationship with someone who is actively trying to destroy you. Who is controlling & abusive.
“Courage is not the absence of fear, but the judgement that something is more important than fear”.
You can do this. You will do it.
Just focus on how amazing it will feel to just be able to EXIST without someone constantly crapping all over you!
You can spend as much money as you want on whatever hobbies you want. You’ll be free.
You have no idea how strong you actually are, right? You handled all this abuse and you anxiety without breaking. You are strong, you have to be, you would have broken down long ago otherwise.
You can handle this, too. This is one very difficult day. Pretty sure you had worse days and you made it through. You’ll get through this, too. And this time, things will actually become easier afterwards. This is what you need to endure to start a new life without someone trying to hold you down. You can do this. Take a deep breath and do one thing at a time.
Do it. Take this lifeline. Your mom is awesome. You don’t need courage – just let her take care of it and do what she says. The hard part will be over and then block him on everything. Imagine the time when you’re through all this and you’re free to be who you are!
I know it’s scary and uncomfortable but the best thing to do is listen to your gut. Your partner should be supportive of you and your hobbies without belittling you or questioning when you started to pick up a new hobby. It may be difficult in the beginning but I promise you, leaving will be the best option. Lean on your friends and family during this time. Let them remind you who you are and what you like. It seems like he has taken that from you (from what I read, not to make assumptions about you).
Updateme
I look forward to tomorrow’s post that you’re with your mum, moved out and safe!
Your life is about to get so much better.
You can do it. You are so strong. You have people, in your life and online that care about your well-being. You don’t need him. You can and will find better. And you are enough all on your own.