Previous post: Has anyone else had dealt with something similar and what did you do? https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/Ud9UROEvlB
I don’t really have much to add, but I know people are asking for an update. First therapy session went well.
My husband is genuinely remorseful and has no problem never communicating with Jane ever again. I’m doing my best to work through how I feel about all of this and not compartmentalize. Time and hard work will tell if our relationship survives.
I have not had a conversation with Jane yet, but I know I need to. She’s asked me to go to lunch or dinner just us, but I’ve had a migraine when she wanted to go so that was canceled. I’ve had one session with my own therapist so far and I feel like I’ll be better equipped to handle that conversation once I’ve had a couple of sessions. If people want to know how that goes, I guess I’ll comment on this post and post it to my profile (since only one update is allowed).
As far as I know, Jane has asked her husband for a divorce. I only know this because he messaged my husband about it. Jane has not told her soon-to-be ex-husband what happened on her birthday and my husband wants to tell him of course. Not sure when that will happen, but it definitely needs to. Since they’re already getting divorced, I could see how people might feel like that would just be adding salt to his wounds, but he had the right to know. I’ll also post a comment when that happens and post it to my profile.
I think that’s everything. Just a few developments to share.
Edit: Forgot to add apparently, Jane said to my husband in the car the next morning “if I were sober, I would have fucked you.” He said he just kept driving stone-faced. Also, my doorbell camera caught her asking him “Do you think I fucked up?” I haven’t formulated what I’m going to say to her about this yet.
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Yes, curious for update. Husband sounds like it was drunken playfulness that went WAY too far. Jane on the other hand was probably looking for something to help her feel something other than what she was feeling for her STBX. Hope you and hubby can sort it out.
I genuinely think for your peace of mind and for the sake of saving your marriage, you need to end your friendship with Jane.
She’s not your friend op. Friends don’t tell their friend’s husbands that they’d fuck them if they were sober.
Chances are she’ll do something like this again if you keep her in your life.
“Jane said to my husband in the car the next morning “if I were sober, I would have fucked you.””
Why the hell was he in the car with her after everything????? Sorry but your husband is also trash.
Updateme
Have you checked your phone records to see how often they are calling and texting? Because I feel like more is going on than you’re aware of.
I cannot believe they’ve never done anything before this. Did your husband ever come clean? Did you go through their conversations? That whole situation doesn’t sound like a first-time playful flirting…the fact is if you weren’t there they would have had sex.. I don’t know. I hope you find some peace of mind. I would never speak to Jane again. Why do you have to talk to her at all?
Jane is not your friend. She cannot be your friend ever again whether your marriage recovers or not. That’s just how it is.
Drop that friend of yours. She is no friend and as for your husband, sorry to say this but he is no better.
Updateme !
Hopefully you understand that this friendship is over and at the end is going to facilitate in the future when you guys have a gathering or family and friends reunion you guys wont have to choose who to invite.
I know is not all about that because a friendship should mean more than getting together to party. But who would want a person like this, she lost her marriage and wants to ruin another?? Not only a marriage, but long time friendships.
She is down to fuck your husband so not losses her
Thanks for updating. I sincerely hope you’re able to work through this, no matter what you decide your future holds with your husband. With regard to Jane, I’d meet her just so you can listen to her excuses. I’d sit there and say nothing while she tries to justify her disgusting actions. Just don’t be taken in, though. You know exactly who she showed herself to be that night, and it’s not your friend. Updateme!
Your husband is a piece of trash. Just as much as her if not more.
Don’t delude yourself into thinking otherwise just because you don’t have the self respect to leave.
It’s unbelievable how much women like you will let men get away with.
You need to tell Jane’s husband and then cut her off for good. She doesn’t deserve a lunch or dinner explanation She told your husband that she would have slept with him sober. That’s absolutely foul. I really think you’re going to need therapy with your husband. His behavior was disgusting and then he drove her home alone the next day where he gave her the opportunity to be inappropriate again. Who would have thought that would happen? /s
Updateme
OP please get your ducks in a row in case it does not work out with your husband. Yes, I know he is going to therapy and showing positive signs but this needs to be ongoing over a long period of time.
There is nothing wrong with 100% looking after you. He will either play catch up or he won’t. It’s okay for you to have a permanent safety/exit plan for you, for your own sanity.
Source: my husband had two emotional affairs and got help after the second. We are 6 years out of that and I see consistent improvements but he knows and has no problem with me having a safety/exit plan.
UpdateMe
Your husband cheated in front of you and your solution to that is marriage counseling? I hope it is to figure out how to amicably divorce. You staying with this man is telling him “yes please absolutely humiliate me again because there will never ever be any consequences to your disrespect”. Why wouldn’t he just bring home a woman and literally fuck her in front of you? You would have proven to him already that all he needs to do to fix it is a marriage counseling session…or maybe he will just learn to hide it well enough you can delude yourself into thinking it didn’t happen.
Show you husband this post! They are so effon disrespectful and its Will take a LOT of work for this marrige not to crumble. She is not your freind, she is an enemy to your marrige!
I’ll be straight up your husband and your ex-friend, they’re both rubbish. I wonder how you can stay with your husband. Why was he in the car with his friend? You know your trust in your husband won’t return.
Updateme
WOMAN.
Your “friend” literally told your husband she would have slept with him sober, and your husband was out here moaning, choking, and talking about threesomes with her right in front of you!! That’s not a mistake, he is literally showing you who he really is when he thinks he can get away with it.
Therapy or not, he disrespected you in the most humiliating way possible. Jane isn’t a friend, and your husband isn’t a life partner. You don’t need to save this marriage but you need to save yourself. Stop being the third wheel. Lawyer. Up.
Jane isn’t your friend and is trying to ruin your marriage because hers is in trouble. Personally I think you need to cut Jane out of yours and your husband’s life. And tell your husband if he ever does that again he will be find himself divorced
They’ve been screwing for some time now. I’m really really sorry to say. I’m flabbergasted at how calm you seem
You need to cut contact with Jane too. She 100% wants your husband and isn’t shy about it at all. You don’t need to meet with her. A simple text is enough. “Yes, Jane you fucked up and we will not be having any more contact with you.”