So, I ended up talking to my friend about what happened, and honestly… I don’t know how to feel.
I asked her if everything was okay and why she called me a pick-me when she knows that’s not the type of person I am. At first, she kinda brushed it off like it was nothing, but when I told her it actually hurt my feelings, she just sighed and said, “I don’t know… it just felt like you were eating up the attention.”
I told her straight up that I never encouraged her boyfriend, and I even tried to distance myself when I noticed how he was acting. She got quiet for a second and then said, “Yeah, I guess I shouldn’t have said that.” But instead of apologizing, she just shifted the conversation to how their relationship has been rocky lately and how she’s been feeling insecure.
I get that, I really do. But I still don’t think it was fair for her to take it out on me. I told her that, and she kinda just nodded and changed the subject. No real apology, no accountability, just… moving on like it didn’t happen.
I don’t know if I should keep this friendship the same after this. It just doesn’t sit right with me that she’d rather turn on me than deal with the real issue – her boyfriend. I think I’m gonna take some space and see if she reaches out again, but right now, I don’t feel like putting more effort into something that doesn’t feel mutual.
Comments
Honestly? It’s probably for the best that you follow your plan
I don’t know how old are you but you’ll meet a LOT of women that will go to MAT with other women, to protect men.
A lot of family dynamics are women hurting women so men can keep being lazy, abusive, or neglectful.
Women enable men all the time. You don’t want to be around those.
I think you need to redefine your relationship with her. Maybe move it to a casual –if you see each other in public kinda friendship. She is not a very good friend anyways if 1) she can just call you names and treat you as if you are after her man 2) she did not really apologize or take accountability for her actions 3) a true friend would never believe that about someone who is supposed to be close to her regardless of her problems with her BF-4) she jumped to attacking you instead of the true problem the BF
You sound super mature and reasonable, and I think you have the right idea. It’s this toxic trait that developed in women due to the patriarchy always pitting us against each other – we go after the woman who is just existing and being hot instead of the bf for being a creep.
I’m not sure she’s your friend, and she’s way too insecure. It’s not on you to solve that.
Honestly, I’d take a massive step back if I were you!
I had a similar thing happen to me. The guy got my number because she called me from his phone, and he messaged me a few times. Just polite how are you kind of thing & I sent polite replies.
Long story short: He then cancelled a date with her & phoned me asking to meet him – whilst she & I were in the same room! I didn’t want to, but she insisted I pretend I would (there was a third person with us & the whole conversation was on loudspeaker).
After that, he kept calling, trying to meet up with me, but wasn’t answering her messages.
Eventually, he told me he wasn’t her boyfriend. He had just been f*** her so he could be in my inner circle, hoping I’d break up with my BF!
I read him the riot act & told her, but she went mad, blaming me & saying it was my fault they broke up.
She then went around telling everyone that I took her BF away from her & no one was interested in even hearing my side of the story.
I lost a lot of friends because of her.
Yeah, go ahead.
If she values you, she’ll find you, if not, you’ll know where you stand.
Some people aren’t worth our time and affection.
They take us for granted, leaving us questioning.
If she won’t apologize after admitting that she did something wrong then she doesn’t value you or the friendship. Get out of there and find people who appreciate you.
A friend of mine (let’s call her A) went through something similar with her “best friend”.
I learned by chance that A “best friend” was not only calling A pick-me right in her face and never apologizing but also spread among different people they both knew that A was a pick-me trying to get her fiance attention and middle in their relationship.
I told A about it and she was heartbroken, went to confront her “best-friend” and that woman acted as if it was nothing and A should get over it.
Well, A distanced herself from her “best-friend’ and months later realized it wasn’t a good friendship, it was hard and sad, A was disappointed.
5 years later and there’s still a few people on her field who, when meets her, says “oh, I heard about you from ‘best-friend’ but you don’t act like the pick-me she said you are”
get rid – her bf was in the wrong and she had no problem blaming u. thats the real pick me (this is coming from a reformed pick me, i used to be one in my teens). you will never win in this fight. let her go.