Link to original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMen/s/kh18yA0m78
Hello! I recently posted here about my girlfriend eavesdropping on my therapy conversation, and the huge fallout that came of it. Its been a couple weeks and a lot has happened. I took everything everyone had said from my previous post, and read it multiple times to really get my head where I need to be. I realized that she shouldn’t have listened, and that was on her. We had an argument not long after I had made the post, she blamed me for everything, said many hurtful things. I was leaning towards breaking up whem her whole script flipped. She acted like she was in the wrong about everything, made me feel like she was going to change for the better. She wasn’t.
I took a step back from pur relationship for two days. I wanted to really reflect and think, she didn’t honor that wish, and she didn’t have any plans to. But after reading all the comments and reflecting, I realized I was in a toxic relationship, where I was cutting off my friends and family for this person that I would never be enough for.
I ended up breaking uo with her. It hurt a lot but I thank you all so much for helping me see to what needed to be done. I couldnt have done it if it weren’t for all of your advice. I wanted to give this little update to let everyone know how thankful I am, and to answer any questions I didn’t from my previous post.
Comments
Good man, wishing you a healing journey ahead. Focus on getting to a happy place. Godspeed my dude
That takes a lot of strength. Good for you.
Well done, for looking after yourself first.
You can’t help anyone else if you’re not fit and healthy yourself.
Good job! You should be proud of yourself!
How did she handle the breakup?
Nice job brother I remember reading and commenting on your original post
One day you’re gonna be with a girl who’s gonna leave you in awe that you ever tolerated the shit you did from your ex. Just don’t go back to her and leave any girl you start dating who suddenly starts acting the same way
Optimistic for your future my man, go evolve and continue to do great things
I am so proud of you for making the difficult decision, and prioritizing what is good for you over what is easy.
Give yourself some time to process your emotions. You don’t want to go into a new relationship while any of the mistrust or betrayal you felt still lingers. Find your feet, and rebuild those friendships.
Once you do that, you’ll be ready to start your next relationship stronger and healthier. We tend to attract people who are at our own level of functioning, so this will give your new relationship a head start, and help ensure that your new partner is a quality person.
Don’t interpret this as you’re broken and you need fixing. You just don’t want to carry negative emotions forward. You made a healthy choice by ending your toxic relationship, and I’ll bet your recovery will be quick. Still, don’t rush it.
Mazel tov!
Good for you, buddy. Now let’s go hit the gym and get those gains!
Remember pain is a lesson. There is always something to learn and do better next time. This event will hopefully ensure you heal, become complete, then attract another complete individual. Neither will be codependent and it won’t be a time bomb. Don’t loose sight of your needs in light of your wants.
👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
Can I ask who put the ‘who cares’ flair on this?
Hey man very few people really figure out what it means to have self-respect before it’s too late and they’ve wasted their lives. You’ve done yourself a great service. Good job.
Good for you man! I was one of the people suggesting you break up because this was such a massive violation of your trust and privacy. I’m glad you took the time to thinking it through and were more cognizant of her disrespect for your boundaries. After breaking up with someone like that, you might find the topics you cover in therapy are quite different!
Based on everything you shared. You 100% made the right decision. I know that was difficult to get there but you did the right thing the right way it sounds like. You will meet someone that’s better for you.
I’m happy that you came to the right conclusion that she was toxic.
I know that breaking up isn’t easy but it’s just a matter of time until you find someone who truly loves and respects you.
Thanks for updating us.
You made the right call, dude. If you don’t even have the trust/privacy to take care of your mental health, that’s not a relationship. It’s a hostage situation.
She sounds like she might have some narcissistic tendencies. Maybe do a little research on that, there’s some good videos on youtube. I’ve dated a few women like that and they will lure you in and attempt to break you. Better luck next time!
This sounds very similar to my most recent major breakup. It was in 2022. I was doing Telehealth therapy, we got into a fight over things I’d talked about, I wanted some space, and she did not respect that. So, take it from me, you did good.
I don’t know the full post story but I will say that your therapy should always be a safe space even an online space. If someone isn’t willing to respect that then I’d have my concerns. Really sorry for what you had you go through and I hope time takes care of the rest for you 🙂
Take a long time and just be yourself. A year at least. You’ll feel better for it.
Well done! Strong spine there to throw that anchor overboard.
Hell yeah brother! Hope you find the peace you deserve
You dodged a bullet OP, I’m glad you got insight into who she is and made the choice that’s better for you.
Sounds like you handled everything thoughtfully and well, best of luck for the future.
You arent losing a gf, you’re gaining a chance to be with the right person.
Good work dude. Now it’s really time to lean into your family and friends. They’re going to be thrilled that your making this choice for yourself. In your last post I remember you said there was tension because they all were warning you about her.
I remember your post! Thanks for the update. I’m glad you got out.
Good for you. Sucks to go through a break up, but it’s definitely for the best
I’m sorry you went through this, bud. Look forward to the future, remember what you will not tolerate and how to set boundaries.
Good for you for standing up for yourself!!
You deserve better than her and I’m glad you now understand that.
Amen brother
So happy you were able to make good use of the advice here. Cheers to everybody.
It’s still her problem for prying into a confidential conversation.
>I wanted to really reflect and think, she didn’t honor that wish, and she didn’t have any plans to
That’s absolutely a decision she can make. Just like you in turn had the freedom to now consider her honest opinion about this and make a decision for yourself whether that was a relationship worth continuing in which you have no right to privacy when she sees the opportunity to invade that. Which you did and now she can deal with that consequence by herself.
Glad to see you moving on and creating space for more positive people in your future. Good luck, man! 🙂
Way to go.
Your therapy is yours and yours alone. You’re allowed to talk about whatever you need. If you’re trying to navigate something in your relationship, therapy is a great space to do that in. Her eavesdropping and getting mad about it is a huge violation of your privacy. You are allowed to talk about your relationship outside of the person you’re in a relationship with.
That took a lot of strength to walk away and it was absolutely the right decision.
We’re never shaking the break up reply meme.
Good for OP.
Good job bro
I just went and read your original post.
I’m sorry dude, break ups suck. But that was a huge invasion of your privacy. Breaking up sounds like it was the move.
I broke up with a toxic partner a long time ago as well and it was very difficult. But I’m now with the girl of my dreams and I wouldn’t change anything.
It gets better. Hang in there. Good luck homie!
Damn that takes courage man, good for you.
Cutting somebody toxic from your life kinda feels like pulling a nail out of your foot. You may think its less pain to let it sit but to heal you have to deal with it.
Hey man,
We live in an internet culture of accepting hardship and tolerating everything, including intolerance.
We have to re-learn our own boundaries and then communicate them. If others cross that boundary, we cannot feel guilt or shame enforcing that boundary. The guilt or shame is for the VIOLATOR of the boundary to feel.
When we are in an intimate relation and connection with someone, we care for them and we can feel or imagine the guilt or shame they SHOULD feel for violating our boundary. Since we care for them, we soften ourselves up and either don’t enforce our boundaries or we pretend like it wasn’t a big deal.
As a result, we don’t let them feel the consequences of violating our boundaries while we do, protecting them from the feelings of guilt and shame that are natural when violating others’ boundaries.
It’s time for you to be okay with others feeling like shit or losing you because they didn’t respect you and your boundaries.
It’s time to stop thinking that you’re losing out on a good thing or the possibility of a good thing if they truly work on themselves. If you allow relationships that drain your energy without creating with or providing you with energy in return, you are gambling. You are gambling on the possibility that you will last until things get better, that things will get better, that you will like who you have become and who the other person has become when things get better, that things ‘get better’ and not ‘things could be worse’ when that happens, …, etc.
You are a human being who deserves to be treated like a human being with a whole gamut of feelings, needs, desires, likes, dislikes, wants, etc. Start holding people accountable when they don’t treat you like a person that they respect. If you don’t, then you need to figure out if you respect yourself.
Hey dude, good stuff! That was a great outcome.
Reason #1 why cohabitation is a bad idea.
Based on MBTI type, is she an unhealthy xSxJ type?
Immense strength, brother. What staggering thing to do but you made it through to the other side.
it’s not easy to make a decision like that, emotions can blind us to many things in a relationship. you did a good job overcoming that and acting in your own best interest despite how much it hurt. you should be proud of that.
you had the strength to do what many should but can’t due to weakness. We’ll done.
My older sister listened in on an in person therapy session I was having. She was my ride home and I guess was able to hear from the waiting room, or maybe was listening at the door. I wasn’t aware she had listened until about a year later when she used what she had heard to nuke me over an argument about where to go for vacation that year. It was a strange, almost out of body experience, realizing I could never trust her again and never should have trusted her in the first place.
I’m sorry you experienced this. I’m glad it gave you what you needed to make a change; otherwise, it’s just hurt.
Well done to you for taking that control back. I know I’m just a stranger on the Internet but I’m so proud of you for finding that strength in yourself and I hope you feel that pride too because you should.
Things will be hard and awkward for a while, while you get used to life without her, and there may be times she tries to get back into your life but you need to be strong and firm and not allow it for your own health okay.
Keep up with the therapy and keep going on your journey, things will get better and keep going up even if there’s times you don’t see it.
There will be someone out there that loves you for you and not what you do for them, you will meet them someday. Just keep going. You’ve got this.
I love it when a creative writing exercising has a satisfying finale.
Epic win for all of us dude
Enjoy a life without that toxic waste in your life 🙂
Tough decision to make, but this allows you to find someone who wants you to be happy as well.
It is always a problem when a person tries to better themselves with therapy and journals. I have been going through it this summer because I did a writing exercise recommended by my therapist and part of it was whether I wanted to continue seeing my former significant other. He snooped at my journal, which had nothing about him, and yelled it all over the neighborhood for weeks. I have my own house, pay my own bills, find my own life and have been apart from him for years but allowed him to stay for a week when he had nowhere else to go, I made it clear we are not a couple but he just will not let it go. I cannot stand him.
Good for you. It definitely sounds like it was a toxic situation, often those aren’t always easy to walk away from.