Here is the original post:
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/LGP1iuO449
Hey reddit, i want to thank everyone for their nice comments and support.
First, I’d just like to clear up that when me and my husband met, I was about to turn 18, not 17.
After some deep thought, I talked to my husband again and tried to understand where he was coming from.
He started arguing, saying he’d found the original post and was upset with me for posting about our personal life.
After that we didn’t speak to eachother and he slept on the couch.
The next morning I decided to go stay at my friend’s apartment to clear my head. She knew about the situation before I came over and told me I could stay as long as I wanted.
I’ve been here about 2 weeks now, and my husband has tried to reach out to me, but I’ve been ignoring him.
I realise now our relationship was a bit weird, he constantly joked about him having a thing for younger women, but at the time I just didn’t think much of it.
Thinking about it now, I wouldn’t date a 17 year old at 24, let alone at 30.
I’m seriously considering divorce as I can’t imagine feeling comfortable around him ever again.
He was also the reason I lost contact with my family as they didn’t trust him, especially because of his age. I’ve thought about contacting atleast my brother, we were very close before I met my husband, and I miss him a lot.
Is there any way for me to reconnect with my family, and if yes how?
I’m not sure what I’ll do, but for now I just need some time and space.
Thanks again to everyone who commented on the original post and helped me out.
Comments
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Just reach out to them. They will be delighted to hear from you even if there is resentment and hurt about you choosing your partner over them. You were 17. 17 year olds are idiots. They will understand.
Yeah the age gap is gross. Dude is a groomer. Get outta there
Just be honest with your family: you were naive, you’re in over your head, and you need help. Odds are they’ll be happy to give it and get you out of this situation. And if they’re not, you’ve at least got your friend to help you navigate what comes next. Good luck.
Youve probably just too old for him now. He’s gross
I think your family is going to be ecstatic that you’re safe and alive.
Contact your brother, especially. But make sure you’re committed to leaving the life you’re currently in. Don’t contact them just to make them watch you continue to sit in this dungeon.
Literally just call or message. They stepped back because they knew you were going to have get to this point on your own and if they pushed they might lose you for good. They still love you and they miss you too. They may have some shit talking to get off their chest but their love for you is greater than their negative emotions. You’ll get through that and you will build something better.
If I had a family member who I’d lost contact with because of my concerns about their spouse, I would welcome them back to my life with open arms.
Just reach out. Start with a hi and that you’ve been thinking and you really miss them. I’m sure they’re going to be relieved to hear from you.
I would be careful about talking to them about your relationship in case your husband sees it. I mean archive chats and mute notifications.
How do you only realize now your relationship ‘was a bit weird’ when your entire family told you they didn’t trust him? Like it’s one thing to argue you didn’t care about the age difference at the time, it’s another to pretend it was never brought up.
I would just reach out to your brother. Best of luck in everything. I am hoping for the best for you.
I read your original post. He’s trying to manipulate and control you to get what he wants. If you’re not comfortable with something, you shouldn’t do it, and he shouldn’t push you. After all, isn’t that what respect is all about? The fact he was 30 and dating a 17-year-old is very creepy and inappropriate.
Don’t beat yourself up for past decisions, but take stock of your relationship, his treatment of you, and trust your gut. His attempts to manipulate you now would likely only get worse. If your gut tells you to walk away, that’s what you should do. All the best with your decision.
They are family and they love you. They have probably distanced themselves from you because they love you, but couldn’t support your decision about your relationship with your husband. I don’t believe they ever stopped loving you, reach out them.
If the alternative is trying out chopping down on some ASSHOLE maybe divorce isn’t that bad
Went back to read the first pair and ewww. He groomed you. Run
So I have to say, while your situation isn’t something I read in your original post, ignoring your husband for two weeks is immature.
I’m sorry, but while divorce is probably your best route here, a word of advice for your future relationships. You don’t ignore one another. Communication is then utmost important in any relationship. It’s fine to go away and get some space and quiet time, but you dont let it be for weeks. A day, two tops, but you need to be mature and actually talk, even if its to tell him that you think a divorce is needed
You aren’t freaky it’s not for you
My thought when I read the original post was that he cheated on you and was shown some things in the bedroom that are less vanilla..hence where he suddenly got these ideas from, and he therefore became less interested in you sexually for the time being. Aside from that, that would be a deal breaker for me to eat a guy’s ass. But that’s just me. Thirdly, it is normal for men to want to date younger/significantly younger than them. But while it is normal, I don’t think it is smart for men to do that because there is much less of a chance of an 18 year old being mature enough and experienced much in life to know who she wants to commit her life to or what she wants her life to look like. That doesn’t mean there aren’t exceptions obviously, and you were apparently the exception.
They are your family. Just reach out, most likely you will be surprised they were just waiting for you to reach out.
I don’t like the way he is coercing you to try something new. Sex should be fun and consensual. My guess is if he was more giving and appreciative of what you give him you’d likely be more down for this act because you would get off on rocking his world. But the way he’s threatening you — that’s not what loving partners do. He is using this as an excuse to leave or step out in which case I’d say let him go.
Girl you call your brother.. I’m sorry but your husband is a predator. And now he’s demanding that or divorce? Find someone who loves you.
Your family will be glad that you’re seeing the truth of your situation. Call them.
Your family will be so happy to have you back. I’ve been there, luckily I didn’t marry him but he said it was disrespectful and hurtful for me to see my family because they didn’t like him or trust him. They were right. Call your brother and tell him you’re leaving your husband.
Just call your brother, I’m sure he’ll be happy to hear from you and let him know what’s going on and that you’re thinking of leaving your husband. I’ll bet he runs to help you pack and move your things.
It’s a good thing you are thinking about it. Your husband took advantage of a young girl and his recent sexual request is an example of his need to dominate and control you. It’s a power play. Get out and don’t look back.
When it comes to your separation from your family, unless he kept you locked in a closet, that’s a choice you made. Own it. Be mad at him for manipulating or whatever, but at the end of the day, you own it.
Once you admit that to yourself, you will feel empowered.
Call your brother. Tell him you’ve realized your husband is a manipulative predator.
Then see a lawyer. You’ll be well shed of this POS, and you have SO much of your life still ahead of you!
U were teenager when u met and very impressionable.
How on earth u agree to marry him.
The age gap is huge
Best solution is divorce so you start to enjoy life as 24 year old without any responsibilities of married life
Is your husband called Leonardo?
Kidding aside, I think the age gap is creepy as hell. I can’t imagine being 30 and seriously trying to date someone that is either in high school or recently graduated.
Now he’s bored with you now you are so old (😆) and is making specific fetish demands that you’re not comfortable with.
I’d talk to a lawyer and make an exit plan.
I went through something similar. Ended up with a woman that was almost 20 years older than me, I was heavily manipulated from the beginning and didn’t realize it. The more I think back to those days the more I realize just how fucked up it was. Close this chapter of your life move on and please reach out to your family no matter how embarrassed you may feel.
Yep, call your brother and gather your support system around you.
Oh girl, you were about to turn 18. Either way, he was 30 and you were a child in comparison
As a mom of a 18yo, my advice is to just call your mother, explain the situation. 17 year olds make stupid decisions, we know. It may take some time to heal, but you will always be their daughter.
Tbh, your family might’ve been waiting for this day! Call them! Call your brother or your parents or both! They had valid concerns and you can see that now! If they were concerned then, I doubt that ever went away!
Let me get this straight. The guy you married asked you to perform a taboo sex act. Instead of simply saying you’re not comfortable with it, you put that bit of business on the internet AND told your friends about it. And now the age gap that has always been there is a problem too.
Is there more? I feel like there’s something missing here. This sounds more like a lack of communication than a divorce worthy violation.
Updateme
Dude, he fucking groomed you. Where on earth were your PARENTS? Did nobody tell you how fucking gross it was for a teenager to marry someone in their 30s???
Dude is pushing 40. He’s not going to change. He’s always been a gross and bad person, you’re just now finally maturing and see it.
Divorce this creep. Seriously.