UPDATE My partner left me so I told everyone he doesn’t have cancer

I’m sorry as this is a very long and upsetting update. I also want to say my opinions are about the specific individuals I have dealt with and not the organisation they work for. This isn’t political and is an isolated incident. Please follow the community guidelines in the comments as I don’t want to be banned but can’t exclude this part for my update to make sense.

Everything has been pretty quiet recently until my ex decided to surprise me with the most amazing Mother’s Day gift – the police at my door.

My ex and his family have been emailing me (I have blocked all other contact) asking to see my daughter. I replied to him last week saying if he can work on his sobriety, we can look into visitation. I don’t want him to see her but I thought it would keep the peace as he clearly does not want to get sober so I wouldn’t have to worry about it.

He ignored my response and went out with his “friend” this past weekend. A photo of him with huge eyes, wild hair, no teeth and powder on -what remains of- his nose were posted by his friend. The damage he has done to himself in just 2 months is terrifying. The photo had me ill and shaking.

This friend who posted the photo has been contacting me a lot lately to check in on me and my daughter, telling me he has ended their friendship after learning the truth about him.

My friend commented on his post and I replied to her. The caption read “where am I?” So she posted “looks like a crack den? Any and everywhere but at home with his child”. I liked it and said “I feel very safe leaving my daughter with this man”. I realise now it was targeted purposely for a bite and it worked.

My ex, his friend and his mistress (now promoted to full time girlfriend) all commented back calling us weird sluts and telling us to “f” off. This was done AFTER blocking us both. (We have burner accounts to be able to see what was said lol)

I responded to this by posting the messages from his friend declaring his love to me. I had politely declined his advances but still spoke to him as he is struggling with loneliness and alcohol addiction. I didn’t want someone to feel alone when they are going through a hard time as I know how that feels myself. I obviously haven’t learnt my lesson in trusting people and wanting to help.

This was Friday. I was furious after seeing how I was being spoken about, especially after what this man has made me endure. I posted the emails that have been sent to show that I am not keeping his child from him; he is refusing to get sober for her. I also posted “weird slut” as captions on photos of myself to try and laugh off the comments. I post on Instagram quite regularly so it isn’t out of the blue for me to post a lot of stories.

I thought that was it until Mother’s Day. I had been out the house at my Mother’s (not making the mistake of writing mam again🙄). On the way home I had a call from a mobile number I didn’t recognise. It was a police officer. I assumed it was to update me about my cases but no, he needed to speak to me about reports my ex had made against me. They have been trying to reach me all day and have been at my house as they wanted to “approach me personally”.

I have caused emotional distress with the post I had made two months ago calling him out and asking to be left alone by his friends. I asked the officer if he had read the post. He said he had. I asked him if he had seen the text messages. He said he had. I asked him why I was being questioned about my post instead of him for admitting he was a drug dealing addict who works in a primary school, lies about having cancer, and spreads STI’s around young women. I was told “that’s not relevant to my case, I’m only calling to discuss your actions”.

I was told the post was negatively impacting his mental health and is leading to anxieties around his work. I made a snide remark asking whether it was the post or the drugs impacting his mental health. He told me he was not calling to take sides but he has to prioritise the “victim” in this case. I told him to check his records and see who the victim was and if it was appropriate to be saying this to me about my abuser.

He looked into the records and told me all cases have been closed. I asked why I wasn’t updated on this and he said he can’t comment. I asked for the crime reference number for me to check with the appropriate officer and he said there isn’t one?? I asked for the officers name and he told me I should have been told during interview and he can’t see anything about the officers name. I said I was aware a report was sent to an external organisation instead of myself and he said yes, he could see that. I asked why as they were not aware at the time that I was working with the organisation and again, he could not comment and asked to only speak about my ex’s report.

We argued back and forth for a while until agreeing on me making the post private instead of public.

I thought that was the end of it until he told me there was a SECOND report. I am illegally withholding his child from him and refusing to answer him. He told the officer he’s been begging me to see her. I once again mentioned my report: the lies, manipulation and drugs. I was once again dismissed so agreed that I was keeping my child from him but it was obvious why. The officer told me that I needed to make contact with him. I asked why the victim needed to contact their abuser. I have messaged once and don’t wish to do so again. He said I need to tell him the organisations and people I am working with, and to provide him with their contact details so he can get in touch with them to understand why he is being kept from his child.

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I couldn’t believe what was happening. I told him I refuse to give him the details of the DOMESTIC ABUSE team helping me escape him! I questioned why a marker was put on my house as he was such a danger but I’m expected to not only contact him but expose my support against him?

I told the officer my ex KNOWS why we are no contact and why he can’t see his daughter and I was told “well repeat it with details for him”.

I asked the officer if I was mistaken and received incorrect advice as I was only trying to safeguard my child. Did I need to go through court instead as I was under the impression he was the one who needed to take me to prove he’s a fit parent. The officer told me that it wasn’t something he knew about so couldn’t comment. Couldn’t comment on whether what I’m doing is the correct legal action or not so I should endanger myself and my child instead? Brilliant advice.

I did as I was told. I made my post private and emailed my ex with the most passive aggressive email you’ve ever seen. I told him to look up contact details himself and if he wanted further communication, it can be done through solicitors.

I spoke to my DA group this morning, they believe that everything that has been said and done is incorrect and I should have never been put in that position by the officer. I have a meeting with my solicitor next Tuesday to look into a non-molestation order (similar to restraining order for context) and to prepare me for if my ex decides to take me to court for custody. They will also look into what happened with the officer and the dangerous requests and advice given to me.

This was my first Mother’s Day after years of fertility issues and it was ruined, just out of spite, by an evil narcissist.

If he wanted to see his daughter, he would take me to court. He only went to the police to attempt to intimidate me and take back the control he’s lost. He knows they would do nothing regarding custody and visitation. Unfortunately, his plan didn’t work. He has filled me with a rage and disgust I have never felt before. I want to fight more than ever now.

What did he think the police would do when they saw a happy, healthy baby with a loving parent? Send her straight to the lying addict?

In my last update, I said no more updates but that was before he tried to use my little girl as a pawn to try and intimidate me. This man is dangerous and I’m aware a lot of people have recognised who he is from my originally post so I will continue to share for their safety. (LEGALLY – I have not shared anything that would link a stranger to this person, he was only recognised by those who know him. I have shared no names, locations or anything overly specific for him to be identified purposely).

Thank you all for the support in my last post and thank you to all who’s made it to the end of this one! Fingers crossed for something more positive soon.