My previous post has all the deets about how terrible my in laws behaved with my parents after visiting my husband and I. I have stopped engaging with her, but still facing constant pressure from my parents to speak with my in laws once in a while. In this update I wanted to share a few things about how my husband has been dealing with the issue and I’m not too happy about it.
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His parents didn’t contact him for about a week after they ambushed my parents with insults about their daughter. When they did, his mother was being very cold to him so he cut the call on her after speaking for around 30 seconds.
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His dad called and tried to tell him about how his mother has raised him and can’t not speak to her. He told my husband he felt really bad I didn’t offer them towels on arrival, they were “ treated like guests “ and I went on a long walk in the morning ( which was just my routine at the time ). He told his dad that were petty things but I just felt like his replies to his dad didn’t do justice. He even said that even if what his mom said was right, her tone ruins it ( I can’t believe this ). When I asked him why, he said his dad had a heart surgery 2 years back and didn’t want to stress him out.
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My husband acted incredibly quiet for a few days after the incident, went to one therapy session and said he felt much better after. He asked me not to talk about what his parents did cus it wasn’t good for his mental health. Me on the other hand am back to being very very anxious and almost feeling like I have no family in the house I live in.
I don’t even know what to think or do anymore. My parents on one hand have now decided that I need to make my peace with the in laws after humiliating my parents and me and my marriage. And in the other my husband acts like he’s the victim.
Edit: forgot to mention that few minutes back my husband said if I’m really that unhappy with his family I should give him a divorce.
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He used the D-word, that means he is out of the marriage with at least one leg… Or he’s trying to bully you into submission.
Which one is worse in your eyes?
Take him up on it and leave. He is using emotional blackmail. Don’t submit anymore to anyone trying to keep you down.
Basically he is saying take it or leave it. I would have called his bluff before it even left his mouth. He is showing you how little he cares about you or your feelings, so it’s time for YOU to care and leave.
‘Give’ him a divorce? What an odd way of putting it. Call hi bluff.
Go. Just go. He’s told you where you stand in his mind and his life. You will never come first, the way a spouse should.
No one is on your side here. Of course, there should not be sides, and your spouse should be working with you to get rid of that situation; but his attitude is that your having a problem does not constitute a problem for him, only you.
He’s saying “Take it or leave it”.
You must leave it. It’s no way to live.