When I wrote my last post I thought I was at rock bottom but I wasn’t even close. I thought the day my wife left me was the worst day of my life. Not even close. Two days ago I was formally served with divorce papers. That was the worse worst day of my life. That’s the update, my wife is making it official now.
I know my marriage ending is my fault. I don’t know why I even cheated on my wife who was the best woman I’ve ever met. I was selfish and I don’t care if anyone calls me names or anything because I already regret ruining my marriage more than anything. You aren’t telling me what I already don’t know and haven’t called myself.
Getting those papers was rock bottom. When I look at them it is the worst regret I have ever felt. I didn’t know my wife had a lawyer yet. (I’m an attorney but not in family law, I work in the Crown Attorney’s Office and I thought I had more time because attorneys from law firms are expensive). Everyone is adamant that none of them are giving my wife money or any help. My wife said she wanted to be self sufficient when she left which was why she got a job first. She said she found a lawyer through a charity for people who are new to the workforce after I didn’t expect to be served papers so soon but she doesn’t want to talk about this further, only about our kids. Every time I look at them now it’s like a hit to my gut.
Even though it’s been a month I’m still not used to any of this. My wife is not living here. My wife has a job now. I don’t get to see my kids every single day. I know everything is my fault and I am the biggest idiot for ruining my marriage. I have the papers to prove it now. It’s official now. I’m going to be divorced.
Comments
Cool
if you are really, truly remorseful, you should be happy that some is helping your wife. also if someone wants to give her money, good on them.
Good that your wife didn’t stay married to a cheater. If you really are remorseful at least give your wife what she wants in the divorce. Let’s celebrate your wife divorcing you with a soda 🥤
The comments under your last post didn’t feel like they encouraged you reflecting on what you did and learning. I’m not gonna act like you didn’t fuck up, you did and she did what she needed to. I just hope you’re able to reflect on this and become a better person. Everyone deserves a second chance, but nobody owes you one personally. You deserve to get help and become a better person, go put in the work. It’s gonna be hard to confront yourself with those things, that’s okay. If you want to change, you will.
“Everyone is adamant that none of them are giving my wife money or any help…”
Does this mean that you’re angry that someone is helping her because now she won’t have to come back to you because she can’t support herself? Because you’ve clearly tried to figure out who it is, I’m guessing so you can convince them to stop. That’s really awful of you. Good for whoever is helping her!
This is very sad. This is why you need to take your marriage vows seriously. This all could have been avoided. Go to therapy work on yourself because all of the factors that existed when you cheated on her still exist. Long work hours, stress pressure… these are all normal work conditions. Work on being a stronger man and if you truly love her work on trying to win her back when you have truly learned and grown
I remember your last post. I’m proud of your wife for doing what’s best for her.
I guess all you can do now is be the best father you can be to your kids, wish your ex wife all the happiness in the world, and try to figure out how to reconstruct your life. I don’t wish you ill, but I do hope you do better going forward.
OP you deserved to be served those divorce papers, and you know you are a POS. Now do the right thing by your wife and PAY FOR HER TO GET EDUCATED so she can have a real career. She married you expecting a wonderful future, and she still deserves that future, with you removed from the picture.
I’m so proud of your wife for doing what she had to do, working delivering UberEats and saving money for a lawyer. That fact that she did that tells me how horrible you were and how much you hurt her. She did what we tell abused wives to do, in relationship subreddits.
Make it an amicable divorce FOR HER. Don’t be an AH. Make sure she’s financially taken care of. I have absolutely no sympathy for you. The ages of your children…..you are a sad human being. Don’t date, just pay for sex.
Not your business if someone is helping her.
You certainly didn’t help your marriage by stepping outside of it.
Who she spends time with or receives help from is no longer your business.
>I don’t know why
Something to explore in therapy bud.
Congratulations on getting what you wanted! I have no idea why you’re sad or disappointed.
That is what you wanted right? For 365+ days, you chose a woman who wasn’t your wife so I can only surmise that you didn’t want to be married to your wife anymore. Don’t worry, your affair partner will probably need a place to live soon and you can just move her in with you, then you won’t have to sneak around anymore. You’re getting exactly what you wanted!
Oh wait, you actually thought your wife would be ok with you having a side chick? You thought she would let you screw your affair partner and be excited that you were still coming home to her? Oh no. No no no. She has more self respect than that.
Either way, congratulations! I believe this is what they call “the consequences of my own actions.”
You’re so done, you cheated during postpartum she will never forgive you.
All I’m reading is me, me, me. You thought you had already hit rock bottom! Your wife knew you were having an affair when your youngest was six months old … that’s rock bottom.
You will become someone your kids can look at and say, “He didn’t run from the mess, he rebuilt from it.” You’re still their dad. That matters. So does what you do next.
Next update will be a new low because he will have to pay child support to the kids he wasn’t contributing as much too because he spent all his time having an affair and not even noticing his wife having a job. That’s how absent he was. Pay the child support and step up as a parent on your time.
It’s impossible for many people to get over the betrayal. The first step to building a better life is to take responsibility, which you are in the process of doing. Please go to therapy and get counseling in place of jumping into another relationship you are not emotionally ready to embrace. It may be hard to see your children because it may leave a big hole in your heart when they leave but do it anyway. You may never be able to fully atone for what you did but strive to be the best father and be a supportive co-parent. If things are financially difficult for your wife in the beginning do more than required by law to put your wife and children on their best footing.
I have been in your wife’s position but did not have children. It was difficult but not as hard as it is with children. We all make mistakes but it doesn’t have to condemn you to remain the same person. Strive for personal growth. Good luck, OP.
Hang in there. It will get worse. I’m sure
No today isn’t rock bottom, just wait until all those hours you work keep you from seeing your kids because 50/50 custody is bullshit with someone who spends more time at work and with their affair partner than their kids, just wait until she finds a new man and your kids like him more than you.
Tell us why you thought SHE’D want marriage counseling? Like why do you think that someone who did nothing wrong has to sit while you pay someone to pity you and try to make her see how she contributed to your cheating by simply existing?
Do your co-workers know about you and your AP? What happened with her and her husband?
> Everyone is adamant that none of them are giving my wife money or any help.
She’s been squirreling money away and planning this for a decent amount of time while she’s been preparing her plans and the process of unloving you. That’s why she feels so far ahead and away.
blah blah, I’m so sad. I am so blah blah blah…”I work in the Crown Attorney’s Office…” blah blah blah.
Updateme
lol you didn’t notice the changes in her because you were too busy getting freaky with the other women. That’s how little you paid attention to her. I’m sending prayers to her. I hope you can become at least a decent father and a good co parent. When she starts dating do be weird. Just take it in the chin like she did with your cheating.
Sign the papers and get the marriage over with because it’s over and there’s nothing you can do. The next thing I would recommend is that you get into therapy to understand why you cheated into make healthy mental decisions in the future. And to be healthy, emotionally mentally so that you can be the best parent you can be to your children. Good luck.
This made my day! Hope you hurt for a while and she thrives becoming the person she was meant to be! Cheers.
Honestly and sincerely hope your wife a good life, I hope she can rebuild herself, lover herself like you failed to, that she surrounds herself with good people who help and support her to be better, that she can build a nice life with her kids and replace the sad disappointingly memories of your marriage with happy experiences.
She deserves the best.
As for you OP, I hope that after failing as a spouse and partner you can AT LEAST do the bare minimum after destroying your family for a colleague hole and be a good father for your kids
Are you for real? Your wife had a whole ass job and was taking classes WHILE caring for a baby and toddler and you had NO IDEA!?!?
WTF I’d ask what you were doing but we know – your co-worker.
Good for your wife. And perhaps next time you will cherish and value a partner, and treat the relationship with gratitude during and not after when it’s too late. Best of luck.
Yes, you have a very stressful job, no question. However, when I read what you did NOT know about your wife, it is clear which person had your full attention. It wasn’t your wife and especially not your children. You didn’t notice your family anymore and focused only on your job and your mistress. Well, this won’t be your last regret about the end of your marriage. If your future ex-wife finds another man, maybe has another child with him and your children will call that man daddy, then you will always go one step to hell. If your children prefer to spend their time with mom and the new dad and tell you this, it will be another step into hell. If your children ever understand why their parents are no longer together, they will think differently about you. This will also bring you back down the spiral. Will your children believe you when you tell them that you really loved their mother? Will your children ask you why you had this long affair? Probably already.
The difficult time is yet to come for you. The tears of your children at the farewell, the birthdays that are no longer celebrated together, the mental support of the loving partner in real stressful times, separate Christmas, parties of friends to which you will no longer be welcome. I advise you to urgently find a therapist. Find out the real reasons for how you were about being about hurting your wife for such a long time. I hope you make it possible for your wife to have a good divorce, because you have shown her the negative side of yourself long enough.
Edit: Post this in the sub for adultery. If only 1 person will take your contribution to heart, at least you have done something good.
Nah rock bottom is when you’re miserable and she’s happily dating someone else.
You haven’t hit rock bottom yet. You have to divide your assets, custody arrangements and child support. Family court can be really rough. Your lawyer and her lawyer get to tell the judge all the nitty gritty details. Then you have to face your kids over why your marriage is over and they moved out moved out.
Cheating a woman in postpartum is…. So low, not letting her have her own money. You got what you deserved. I’m glad she left.
How pathetic that OP was blindsided ..especially by the fact his wife is a truly smart and capable woman. He had no idea she was taking classes on line…which means he didn’t care enough to inquire. He’s shocked she figured out how to obtain an affordable lawyer and that she was able to get herself all sorted while playing the good wife. This was probably easy since she just had to perform the basics as he stopped caring about anything deeper than a smile and a hot meal. Now he’ll get to learn the joys of caring for young children and all their demands, feeding and clothing them, schooling and activities…won’t leave so much time for side pieces. I hope he stays mired in misery for a good long time. His ex will do just fine without him.
I do love happy endings.
“Oh no, the consequences of my own actions” is what this whole post screams
The only reason you’re sad is because you got caught. Otherwise, you’d still be cheating on her now.
Hope she finds happiness.
Nice story
🤣🤣🤣
What really gets me about your last post is how you were so surprised at her capabilities. That’s really telling about you and how little you ever paid attention to her from the start. My ex husband was a lot like you. He didn’t think I’d make it on my own because I was so “domesticated” and would never leave him. And then, surprise, I did. And you know what? I make more money than him now, and I am so much more at peace because I don’t have someone who never thought more of me than the services I provided around me anymore. He forgot I was my own person and to his complete and utter shock, I did not change my mind for a moment. We didn’t have kids, thank God, but my life still got easier from just the lack of sheer stress being married to someone who was emotionally, mentally and financially abusive. He didn’t cheat, but he did other things. However, I’d still say cheating on your wife is mentally and emotionally abusive because it fucks with people so fucking hard. And then trying to find out if someone was helping her, and you being so “blindsided” that she got a job and started doing classes eludes to some sort of financial abuse to me. Disgusting, honestly. The dating pool is full of men like you that makes it that much harder for decent women to find partners that are worth a damn. Absolute kudos to your wife. I wish I could send her flowers.
You had an affair for over a year…. You deserve everything you’re getting. Sign the divorce papers, be a good dad and I hope she finds someone better, more worthy
Let her go. I get it, I been a cheater too. And we have regrets. We seek validation elsewhere and stuff, but what can you do? There is no way to fix it if one of you is not willing, and she set her foot down. You’re free now. You don’t have to do it behind her back now. I hope this serves as a lesson to you.
This is literally fucked around and found out. You should allow her a quick divorce so she can move on. Do right by her for that it sounds like the first time in a long time.
You can’t expect empathy when your comments indicate that you wanted your stbxw financially trapped, destitute, and dependent upon you. That doesn’t reflect remorse but regret that you are facing life altering consequences as a result of your actions and poor decision-making.
Why would you go around inquiring about who is helping her and in what capacity? That really isn’t any business nor concern at the present time?
You’ve caused irreparable damage, so at least be gracious enough to allow her an amicable divorce.
I mean I wish I could feel bad for you but I only feel bad for what you put your soon to be ex-wife through. Men/women who have a family and a good significant other, why even take a chance in ruining it all?🤯 Actions have consequences.🤷🏻♀️
I’m happy to know your wife loves and respects herself enough to walk away. I wish her the best and hope she will find someone who will appreciate her and not cheat on her.
The dildo of consequences rarely arrives lubed.
Your ex wife tho? She is a fucking goddess.
You keep stressing your complete shock that “she has a job now” and able to pull this off without financial help. Why is that a shock?
Is it hitting you that she’s leaving – or is it because she turns out to be a capable and self-sufficient person after years of you assuming she’s not?
I won’t kick a man when he is down at his worst.
I do have a correction, as a husband that won’t ever cheat, but has been cheated on and stayed. You fail to even realize that rock bottom was when you cheated. Dealing with actions you performed at your rock bottom, does not and should not to you, equal a lower bottom!
She might still be willing to work on it, had you realized that sooner.
Best of luck to you, mate! Understand all of this and you could come out of this as a better person. You could also one day be a better husband to someone else.
I’d be interested to know what your affair partners husband did when he found out.
Give your ex wife and kids everything they need. It’s really the least you can do for fucking up their lives.
Updateme
Good for her.
own goal, mate. pay the price and try to do it with some grace
Hey that’s great! Im so happy for your wife! It’s nice to see people get away from shitty situations. Hopefully she will get sole custody of the kids as well!
My dude, if you really are sorry, the best way you can prove that is by not thinking of yourself and making things as easy for her as you can. Focus on your children and how hard this is for your wife. It is the only way to salvage anything, and the best way to show you are truly sorry. Remember, you got into this by being selfish and not thinking about your family. Don’t make the same mistake again.
I’m really proud of your wife. She deserves better. Good luck to her.
I’m proud of your wife. Good for her getting away.
DON’T EVER FORGET THAT YOU MADE THIS HAPPEN.
Grief has different stages. It will soon hit again unexpectedly in random times when any sensory hit. Places, food, activity, people, words, aroma, body movement, items, etc.
It is what it is now. It hurt her deep, it hurt you deeply now too.
Only time can heal.
What is happening with your AP? Have 2 marriages been lost? Unfortunately it is not rock bottom. That comes when she is looking at another man with those warm, loving eyes and he is living with your family. I’m sorry for all of you. I think you thought she would never leave the comfortable life you provided. But those were cold and empty rooms
Update me
I read your previous post, too, and your wife is a legend. I love how gracefully she handled this situation. If you had any shame, you would give her half of what you own without her asking.
Why are you being so selfish? Your selfish acts brought you to this point. And you want your family to be remain whole just to satisfy you? How self centred can you be? You need to respect her wishes and take a step back as they bring their lives back to normalcy from the betrayal you have put them through. And why do you sound disappointed that your wife is getting help to rebuild her life? Did you expect that since your wife is dependent she will remain a doormat to you as you step over her again and again? You need to see a therapist and work on your narcissistic tendencies.
You thought she was trapped. You thought he was a dupe. You thought she was stupid and unaware. Your made your bed and now you can lie in it.
It’s not even the affair that renders 0 empathy from me. It’s the fact that you knew your wife so little, that you didn’t even know she was suffering for a year. A year! You need some serious therapy. I can tell you why you had the affair – ego boost. I hope it was worth it.
Make sure you tell your kids you cheated and broke the family up.
Aldo, make sure you’re very nice to your STBX’s next husband
Good for her. Hopefully just like her picking herself up from the rock bottom you created for her, you will do the same.
But now seems the time to hold a mirror up to yourself to change how you have acted and behaved previously and come out of this a better person than what you were to her then and even still now.
damn i’m a diagnosed narcissist but i could honestly take notes from you
You felt the biggest regret when you received the divorce papers. Not when you betrayed your wife. Not when you broke your wife’s heart. But when she took control and left you.
Very telling.
I am so proud of your wife for being smart and strategic instead of emotional when she discovered your affair. I’m proud of her for doing better for herself, for leaving and for filling for divorce. You deserve it. You took her for granted and betrayed her.
You obviously thought you were in control. You thought you had your wife pinned down, without resources and helpless, totally under your thumb.
You were wrong.
She never actually needed you and now she doesn’t want you either.
So, what you are really shocked about is that your wife isn’t too poor to help herself?
All power to your soon to be ex-wife
You’re getting everything you ever dreamed of! You got to fuck someone who’s not your wife!
Your rock bottom was getting caught. Her rock bottom was finding out her husband was wetting his dick at work.
I’m glad she’s doing well. I hope the alimony is high.
This is a maturation node. You can either listen to it or keep repeating it. 1 locks you in a circle, the other changes you.
Man…you just repeatedly disrespect your wife. First, by fucking around on her. And then, with your incredulity that she has been able to handle her business. You are stunned that she is resourceful enough to figure out what you were up to, to get a job, to make arrangements for an apartment, to find a lawyer, etc. The fact that you are so surprised that she is competent and smart is almost more offensive than you sticking your dick somewhere else.
Oh trust me you haven’t hit rock bottom yet. Someone like your wife who has such great boundaries great sense of creating her own future and determination will not be alone for long. Just don’t try to interfere when the next guy who will do her right comes along because he’s coming and like I said you’ve not hit rock bottom yet just wait.
Your (ex)wife is a rockstar! 🤩
Why do you care if someone is helping your wife? If you are so full of regret and still love her so much, you should be happy she has support, whether that’s financial or otherwise. Yes, you destroyed your own marriage and caused pain to those you love, but still don’t seem to quite get why you’re selfish.
Worst day of your life so far.
I wanted to be nice but you asking around if people are helping her is really scummy and you need a wake up call. You need to hear things even though you think you know what we are going to say you really don’t. Even now you are focusing on YOUR rock bottom and how awful it is when you have no idea what you are in for and what she’s been through and worst of all your kids, they have been completely blind sided, way more than you ever could.
You’ll hit a rock bottom on the first Christmas you wake up and hear no kids excited in the house.
You’ll hit a rock bottom when you see her move on and marry someone else and your kids get close to them.
You’ll hit a rock bottom when you have to answer your kids as to what happened.
I’m sorry but you need to hear this and others as well who think about doing stuff like this, it is never worth it.
What even happened to the attorney you cheated with? Is she even around you still or have you cut her off with no contact? Was it even a love thing or just wanting to mess around?
I’m glad you aren’t completely in denial but you need to understand that this is going to be tough and you will need to work hard to earn back your kids respect, that should be your only focus right now, your kids. I also think you should not be fighting her on money, you are an attorney, you should be trying to make her life as comfortable as possible because that also means your kids will be treated well also, don’t fight her and go to court as then it will only get uglier and that 50/50 split will go bye bye.
I’m glad your wife is moving on with her life. You said you in your last post you had no idea she knew or that she was organising to leave you. That she was acting the same as always. Just like you did with her.
Seems like you were also financially abusive towards your wife if she had to work doing Uber Eats for a year to save enough money to leave you.
If you have a conscience you’d transfer her half of whatever you have in savings to help her out with her schooling and looking after your children.
Maybe you shouldn’t have been sticking your dick into your coworker for over a year.
Like, seriously. Nobody here is going to feel bad for you for fucking up your entire marriage. These are choices that you made, and these are the consequences of the choices you made. You betrayed your wife’s trust. You broke your wedding vows. You carried on an affair for an entire year and then are taking no responsibility or ownership of the fact that it was a deliberate act that you chose to continue for well over a year.
I hope the absolute best for that woman. I hope she has all the success in the world.
OP, did a part of you think your wife wouldn’t leave because she was financially dependent on you?
Love this for your wife
What you sow you reap. Deal with it!!!
lol
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha sucks to be you
Good for your wife. Now she can be rid of you.
I have no sympathy for cheaters. I’ve been cheated on by almost every partner I’ve ever had even though I was raised to be a very faithful and loving man. I have very little sympathy for you and I hope you suffer all the dark consequences of introducing infidelity into your marriages. Good luck to you
I’m sure ppl are sharing enough judgement, so I’m going to spare you what I think of cheaters who think their wife is incapable of actually taking care of herself.
A word of advice…
There are children involved.
The ONLY thing you can do to not reach lower than rock bottom, and actually lose your children and their respect for you… is to be not only reasonable, but gracious in the divorce.
You know your own actions are the reason you’re here. Don’t be more of a dick, and just give your wife what she wants. Be grateful for the time you do get with your children, and be a decent coparent.
Being a dick will not get your ex wife to respect you again.
If you value your relationship with your ex wife as a person, and your relationship with your children, you will dump the side piece, and not expect them to be respectful to her in any kind of way.
Just like you, she’s a homewrecker. And she has no business being around your children. Ever.
Take some time to improve yourself. To heal. To figure out what made you do what ended your marriage, so you don’t do it again.
You’re a lawyer. I hear that cheating is part of their office culture. Take some time to think about that.
Perhaps having silly geese around, that look up to you and your status, but aren’t interested in anything more than some expensive dates and some spending money, is more what you’re looking for for now.
Don’t have those women around your children, though. Ever.
They are escorts, but just have a more variable payment plan. That’s fine, if that’s all the commitment you’re capable of. But learn to be honest. With yourself and your future partners.
My question to all cheaters is why don’t you ever think you’ll get caught? Do you lack self preservation so much that you didn’t consider that?
Also OP, what’s happening with your AP?