First off, I want to say thank you to everyone who took the time to read and respond. I wasn’t expecting the post to get so much attention, and to be honest, it’s been a bit overwhelming. Some of your comments were incredibly helpful and validating, and some were… well, a little harsh—but I guess that’s Reddit.
To answer a few common questions and clarify a bit:
We’re actually a family of 6. I was venting about a specific situation that’s really been weighing on me, but this isn’t the first time something like this has come up—it was just the most recent and emotionally charged example. The real issue is the overall pattern of how things are handled differently between his biological daughter and my kids. It feels like there’s always this underlying divide.
Some of you said my anger is valid but possibly misdirected, and I think there’s truth to that. I’m hurt, and I guess I hoped that by being a stepmom who steps up without being asked—doing hair, helping with school events, making lunches—that I wouldn’t have to explicitly ask for my kids to be treated the same. I thought family was family. Maybe that’s my mistake.
I don’t ask him every time his daughter needs something—I just do it. So it’s hard for me to accept that I have to lay it all out like a transaction every time my kids need something, especially for something as important as prom. But maybe I do need to be more direct, even if that stings a little.
Some people accused me of being a bad mom for not financially supporting my daughter more, and honestly, that hurts. I’m doing what I can. I’ve been fighting for disability for my health issues (which has been a mess), and now I’m trying to find any kind of work just to make ends meet. The $40 a week in child support doesn’t go far, but I’m not sitting around doing nothing. I’m just worn down and feel like I’m always falling short.
A few of you pointed out that we need marriage counseling, and I 100% agree. I’ve brought it up, but he’s not really open to it. My last relationship was really rough, and it’s left me with a lot of baggage, especially around communication. I know I struggle with opening up and expressing things without shutting down, and when I have tried to talk to him, it usually ends badly or turns into a blame game. But I’ll try again.
I do plan to follow through on some of the more constructive advice—getting in touch with a lawyer about disability, talking to my daughters more directly, and trying one more time to have a calm, clear conversation with my husband. If that doesn’t work, then I’ll have some harder decisions to make.
I appreciate those of you who approached this with compassion, honesty, and perspective. I’ll update again after I’ve had that conversation.
Comments
Backup of the post’s body: First off, I want to say thank you to everyone who took the time to read and respond. I wasn’t expecting the post to get so much attention, and to be honest, it’s been a bit overwhelming. Some of your comments were incredibly helpful and validating, and some were… well, a little harsh—but I guess that’s Reddit.
To answer a few common questions and clarify a bit:
We’re actually a family of 6. I was venting about a specific situation that’s really been weighing on me, but this isn’t the first time something like this has come up—it was just the most recent and emotionally charged example. The real issue is the overall pattern of how things are handled differently between his biological daughter and my kids. It feels like there’s always this underlying divide.
Some of you said my anger is valid but possibly misdirected, and I think there’s truth to that. I’m hurt, and I guess I hoped that by being a stepmom who steps up without being asked—doing hair, helping with school events, making lunches—that I wouldn’t have to explicitly ask for my kids to be treated the same. I thought family was family. Maybe that’s my mistake.
I don’t ask him every time his daughter needs something—I just do it. So it’s hard for me to accept that I have to lay it all out like a transaction every time my kids need something, especially for something as important as prom. But maybe I do need to be more direct, even if that stings a little.
Some people accused me of being a bad mom for not financially supporting my daughter more, and honestly, that hurts. I’m doing what I can. I’ve been fighting for disability for my health issues (which has been a mess), and now I’m trying to find any kind of work just to make ends meet. The $40 a week in child support doesn’t go far, but I’m not sitting around doing nothing. I’m just worn down and feel like I’m always falling short.
A few of you pointed out that we need marriage counseling, and I 100% agree. I’ve brought it up, but he’s not really open to it. My last relationship was really rough, and it’s left me with a lot of baggage, especially around communication. I know I struggle with opening up and expressing things without shutting down, and when I have tried to talk to him, it usually ends badly or turns into a blame game. But I’ll try again.
I do plan to follow through on some of the more constructive advice—getting in touch with a lawyer about disability, talking to my daughters more directly, and trying one more time to have a calm, clear conversation with my husband. If that doesn’t work, then I’ll have some harder decisions to make.
I appreciate those of you who approached this with compassion, honesty, and perspective. I’ll update again after I’ve had that conversation.
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Your husband is a major AH. You and your daughter deserve better
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