Hi all. A few people have been reaching out about an update to my previous post. The TL;DR of my previous post was that I (30F) kept turning down my husband (30M) for sex even though I want to have it. I am a SAHM to a toddler and constantly feeling overwhelmed and overstimulated from taking care of my toddler, 3 dogs, and home. My husband has always been patient and never pressured me.
Before I continue my update, I want to give a BIG SHOUTOUT to all the people that private messaged and commented with great advice and introspection. It was really thoughtful and helpful. And to the one person that suggested I “lay down and pretend to be a sex doll for my husband to use as he pleases”… a BIG fuck you. Disgusting behavior.
While talking to a few people, I came to a realization that I was turning my husband down in more ways than just sex; I was turning him down in going out and doing things like we used to. It was a big wake up call to me.
After that realization, I had a big cry. I wrote him a long letter about my feelings, this realization, and my worry that him trying to initiate sex was a last-ditch effort to rekindle our intimacy. That realization stung the most.
I ended up reading the letter to him ( bc I cry when I talk about my feelings). The letter was mostly what I stated above and how I struggled with my mental health and body image and that in my desire to be a good mom and wife, I was being a shitty partner and a dumbass to not realize it until then.
We ended up talking more in depth (which I won’t get into here). We hugged, I cried, and again, my husband assured me that he loves me and will always be there waiting until I’m ready. We also planned for monthly date nights to make spending time together a priority and maybe moving to weekly as his business season slows down. First date night is next week for our 3 year wedding anniversary.
Thanks again every one for the kind messages and encouragement.
Comments
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our rules here. We’d like to take this time to remind users that:
We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors
We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.
Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users “friend-zoned”, referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me’s, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. This is not an all-inclusive list.
All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don’t get a free pass.
Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, “body counts” or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. This is not an all-inclusive list.
If you have any questions, please message the mods
This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Wow! I’m so happy for you. Great job on both your parts. Everything is going to be great.
This is the best sort of update!
It’s the first time I’ve seen something end well. :’)
Awesome update!