I have posted before, this is an update and this will probably be my last update and I apologize that it’s kind of long, I’ll try summarizing it at the end. I am completely destroyed about all of this. I mentioned in my last post my husband and I told Jaime he needed to tell us the truth about everything. Lucy was working and he put Lettie to bed so it was just the three of us. He kept skirting the subject, and I finally got so mad and told him, listen? You’re living in my home and now you’re physically fighting your brother, if you don’t tell me what’s going on, your daughter can stay here but you and Lucy will need to find somewhere else to live if you want to keep secrets like this. He got angry and wouldn’t answer me anymore, we fought a bit more and he went to bed. I told my husband I meant it and he was like I don’t know what else to do. Luckily my son came to us the next morning and told us everything (from his point of view).
Basically, for the Fourth of July, we had fireworks in our neighborhood, so Cyril, Rosa, Luis, and Jessa came over. We still have rooms for them, and since Rosa’s dog was at her parents, they all had a bit too much to drink and all spent the night. Later, when my husband and I had already gone to bed, and they were all hanging out, Cyril and Lucy went for a walk and smoked a joint. I’m not saying I approve of this or anything, I’ve never seen her high but I’ve heard them make jokes because she doesn’t drink but I guess sometimes does smoke. So basically the only person who was fully sober was Luis, but he had just gotten lasik (couldn’t drive at night) and was a little out of it in general.
Anyways, Jessa flipped out when she found out about the pot and started yelling at Lucy. She said she was a mandated reporter and since Jaime had been drinking she was endangering her child by smoking weed. Brought up that kidnapped British child, and just laid into her. Lucy got upset and went to bed and Jaime argued with Jessa. He admitted it got pretty nasty from both of them, basically:
* Jaime called Jessa out for her behavior towards his wife in general
* Jessa told him that she was just saying the truth, and it’s ridiculous that they call themselves married when they only got married because they had a baby and for insurance, and would be divorced in a few years anyways.
* Jaime told her she’s just bitter that she’s still in her mid 30s and unmarried (this was low, she had an engagement that ended because her fiance cheated on her with her friend)
* Jessa then went for the jugular and told him that it was embarrassing for him and Lettie to even be in their wedding because it was trashy being so young with a baby and thatLettie would have been better off being adopted by a nice family who was wanting a child.
* Jaime told her if it was so embarrassing for her, his family didn’t need to go the wedding and it wouldn’t be anything off his back. He then went inside to go to bed.
Luis followed him into the house and asked him not drop out of the wedding, he said everyone was just drunk and said cruel things, and promised Jessa wasn’t going to call CPS. Jaime still said he couldn’t be his best man and that he didn’t want his wife or daughter to ever be alone with Jessa until she apologized. And that’s when the whole Lucy shouldn’t go to the reception so she can watch her daughter, and she shouldn’t spend money on things that aren’t Lettie stuff started. Lucy was really scared of rocking the boat and was just going along with it. Jaime had been trying to get to her and convince her that nothing was going to happen but she was freaked out.
So of course I asked if he hasn’t told us any of this because he also believed that this was a problem? How often is she getting high? He just laughed and said maybe two or three times a month, he’s not worried, and she certainly not since the fourth. Weed is legal in our state and I know Cyril smokes often lol but only if you’re over 21. So Lucy has been embarrassed and especially hasn’t wanted my husband and I to know any of this.
I wanted to get my other sons’ sides, and Cyril agreed to meet my husband and me later that day, and his version was the same as Jaime’s, almost worse because he and Rosa stayed outside and kept arguing with Jessa. (And I KNOW you all think I forget about my middle son, but he knows that he’s my drama free king who never causes me any headaches). I asked if he thought Lettie was being neglected or if Jaime or Lucy had a problem and it was a resounding no. He told us that he thought that Luis and Jessa were out of their minds and just looking for drama. Apparently after Jaime had left the fire, Jessa continued ranting about Lucy, saying she was inappropriate with Luis because in his phone her name had an emoji by it. [[I can confirm this, it’s a car because before Luis got his license back the joke was that Lucy was his uber driver.]] She also talked about not wanting me to watch her kids if lettie was there because she thought that since her parents were teens, she’ll be a bad influence on her and Luis’ kids. Cyril said he and Rosa also want to drop out of the wedding, but Jaime begged him to stay on to avoid any more drama. Finally, he said that he’s tried talking to Luis as well, and as much as he blames Jessa, he feels like Luis has to be blamed as well more than anyone for going along with everything.
At this point we were devastated and confronted Luis about his side. He continued to avoid the question so I was very clear: We told him what his brothers said, and asked if any of it was true because I HAD wanted him to get a chance to give his full story without any bias, but he refused to say anything until I relayed what Jaime and Cyril told us. He didn’t deny any of it, actually has assumed that I knew about it, and that Jaime had told me and asked me to withhold the money unless Lucy was invited the wedding, which has been setting him off. I asked him if he thought that Lettie was being neglected by Lucy or Jaime – they live in my home and I needed to know if he truly believed that we had reason to be concerned about my granddaughter’s safety. He didn’t answer directly and was like see this is just proof that all you care about is Jaime and his kid, and Jaime needed to realize he wasn’t perfect so I asked him again! And he avoided the question, again. My husband asked him then and there if he could pass a drug test because he was ranting and getting flustered but not actually saying anything. He brought up some other things, including a specific, relaxed conversation that Jessa was a part of and I still have no idea why she would be upset by it.
I could tell Luis was deeply hurt by that and I think my husband regretted it. Luis told us the only person we should be drug testing was Lucy and made us leave, but the next day sent over a confirmation that he took drug test at the lab we’ve used before and when we received the results he passed. Later this week, he handed in his notice (he works for my husband), he’s taken a position at a competitor. My husband is devastated, because it obviously means he’s been talking to said competitors as offers don’t just happen out of the blue in his opinion, but paid out his notice and that was his last day.
During all of this, but after we’d confronted Luis, my husband and I started discussing how we would move forward. We knew at this point that the boys would need to work this out themselves, if im going to be honest, after getting all the sides of the story we were leaning towards being on Jaime and Lucy’s side (although we acknowledge the mistakes they made…) since it all seemed like a severe overreaction on jessas part after months of rude bullying towards them. We talked about possibly talking to them, booking therapy, anything to try to fix all of this, but on Tuesday our decision was made for us. It was possibly the worst day of most of our lives, I was at home with Lettie and Lucy and a caseworker from family protective services came to our home based on a report. We were all interviewed and they did a walk through of the house. I don’t know if we’re going to get an official notice or anything, but the caseworker seemed nice and told us she saw nothing to move forward on, but left some stuff about services for Lucy and Jaime.
They are completely traumatized (and so am I if I’m being honest) and have been glued to Lettie ever since Tuesday, as if somebody is going to take her from them. Even Lettie can tell they are sad. I’ve spoken with Lucy who kept assuring me she only ever smoked on some weekends and never when Lettie was awake. I told her that I believed her (she kept offering to take a drug test), and even if I didn’t, nobody is going take a happy, healthy, and safe child from her parents even if she was smoking everyday but I can tell she doesn’t believe me.
Jaime confronted Luis that evening (via text, he refuses to see him) and asked if it was him or Jessa, Luis told him it didn’t matter, so Jaime told him he was dead to him and blocked his number. Rosa dropped out of the wedding, and Cyril is staying on as best man but won’t attend the reception or give a speech. He wanted to back down completely but Luis convinced him to stay on for the ceremony at least. I told him he should do what he thinks is best, he says he still wants to drop out but is worried it might lead to something worse. He said something and was completely heartbroken but was kind of like well you know there’s still time for them to turn against me and try to ruin my life so we’ll see how this goes. I think he’s trying to protect his little brother by not pissing them off more, but I can tell how miserable he is.
My husband and I are completely broken about all of this. We told Luis that while we would always love him, but we could not support him or his marriage after he and / or his fiance wasted CPS resources to get revenge on his brother, and that he needed to come over and get the rest of his stuff (documents we were keeping for him, childhood stuff that wouldn’t have fit in his apartment) and to let us know exactly when he would be doing this because Jaime and his family were not going to be there. Maybe we shouldn’t have, but we confronted him when he came over, asking him again if he truly believed that his niece was in any danger. He told me that it didn’t matter what he thought, we’d always defend Jaime, who he said would get over it once this all blew over. I told him he very much would not be getting over this, and very likely he would never see his brother or his niece ever again.
I don’t know if he didn’t realize before then how serious this all was or what, but he kind of backtracked, and told us to tell Jaime to call him. We told him multiples that wouldn’t happen, and he got angry and desperate before blaming us, saying that we’re the reason for this mess, we should have made Jaime figure his own life out and not babied him. I remember yelling at him that if he’d had his own way, I would still be doing his laundry and packing him lunch and to remember that he lived her for longer that Jaime has or plans to. My husband and he started fighting and it ended with Luis telling us that he was going to start his own family and didn’t need us, and blamed us for all of his problems. I was done with that and told him to get out if he was just going to say things with no examples or explanations to back it up. He didn’t ask about the money but I was ready to tell him I was saving it in case we would need a lawyer for all of his bullshit.
I know it would be easy to blame Jessa, and it’s hard not to because I can see her influence in all of this. But my son is the problem and he (or his fiance with his knowledge and support) has done something so unforgivable I don’t think he will ever see his brother’s family again, and it will be a long time before my husband and I want to see him
I will always love him, and if I got a call tomorrow saying that he needed a kidney, a lung, bone marrow I would go straight to the hospital to give it to him, if he needed to go back to rehab I would go back to work and work nights to pay for it, and my heart feels like it has the flu or something because I know if he has children I’m unlikely to know much less meet them. But I can’t forgive him for this, and he hasn’t even attempted to apologize. I’ve never been so sad.
In conclusion: Jessa got angry with Lucy for smoking marijuana on the Fourth of July and threaten to call CPS, Jaime defended her and attacked Jessa, which caused the past few weeks of fighting. After confronting everyone, Luis was acting odd and we asked for a drug test, he passed and quit working for my husband to work for his competitor, and then either he or Jessa made a report to CPS about Lettie. They found nothing, but Lucy and Jaime are traumatized and we’ve all pulled out of the wedding. I’ve never been so sad.
Comments
I gave up trying to keep track of what was happening. Once again, the dreaded killer weed marijuana is to blame. It’s legal in my state. I’m gonna need to get high to understand this mess.
As I read your message, he has a fiancee not a fiance. From then on, I know you’re a moron
Well shit.
Looks like Luis feels Jaime is the golden child. Your posts also seem to suggest it.
While Jessa seems obnoxious, your eldest son has stated quite clearly you favor your youngest.
So while this incident is his fault, I somehow feel you and dad created this situation.
I can’t even imagine being a part of your family. You all seem like unbearable assholes.
TLDR but you all sound very melodramatic.
Yawn 🥱
YTA, all of you. You definitely favor a child
Wow! Seems Louis feels you favor your youngest over him. As for the weed issue, in my state, even before it was legal, CPS wouldn’t remove a child over that. They look at it like this: us the child well taken care of, fed, clothed, housed properly? If yes, then we have much more serious cases ro deal with. A report will be filed stating a home visit was made and all is fine. Usually it’s on the parents records for about 5 years before it’s sent to long term storage.
I’m so confused on who is who and what each person has to do with it.
So you find out two of the people involved in all of this are doing drugs but then tell the sober one that he needs to take a drug test.
Now, after his own parents accused him, despite knowing others living under their roof are doing drugs, you’re surprised they went after one of the people actually using?
Also, I would love to know what that soft conversation you walked right past was about.
Your entire family is dysfunctional, and that starts from the top down.
If it’s legal, then she literally has nothing to worry about. The child wasn’t even awake and she wasn’t driving. The child is safe and cared for. Whether it was him or his wife they massively ever stepped. Mandatory reporting is for child abuse which is not what occur occurred. She’s a fucking idiot. Your son is also an idiot for allowing his wife to torpedo his relationship with his family. She wanted to have him without dealing with you guys and she won. Honestly, so did you guys because he was so quick to her when she was completely wrong.
It sounds like Luis has had issues for a long time and instead of calming these insecurities Jessa escalates them. She sounds like she is jealous of Lucy and has a bad attitude toward her, but Luis is just as culpable. It just seems like she brings out the worst in him instead of the best. He will need to learn this on his own.
I don’t see the favoritism as much as others have mentioned to you. Up to this point, I actually thought the opposite- protecting Luis’ bad behavior and listening to him rant without stopping him seemed more like pro-Luis than Jamie. If I listened to one of my kids ranting about the other, I’d tell them to either talk to their sibling or stop them and say that they either need to talk to the sibling or I can mediate with them, but I couldn’t sit there and listen to just one side. Sitting there and listening is a form of agreement; it makes them feel like you agree.
You have to take a stand here and allowing Jessa to attack his sister in law and then to call CPS is stepping very far over the line. I don’t know how you come back from that especially because he doesn’t seem to understand what he did was wrong. He is still blaming Lucy and Jamie and you. Until he can take accountability, there is no forgiveness. Trust will be really hard to come back too. How could Jamie and Lucy ever feel comfortable to be around Luis (let alone Jessa) after calling CPS on them. This is ignoring that Luis started a physical fight with Jamie in front of his daughter!! How could you even think to invite Jessa into your home ever again knowing the vitriol she spewed at your daughter in law and then to call CPS?!
I’m new to this but just read through the whole thing from start to finish.
First, please copyright your story, maybe sell it to Shonda Rhimes for her to make her first ever Telenovela, because holy shit.
Light jokes aside…
As the oldest brother to one a younger brother (3 year age gap) who definitely got more attention than I did (for a variety of reasons, all understandable), I can say this with full confidence: you are NOT favoriting Jaime, no matter what Luis says. You never mentioned in the updates (nor did I see in any comments, but there were a lot) what Luis’s addiction was and any factors that led to it, but the fact that you all paid for rehab and for him to live at home the longest of any son should immediately shut up ANY complaints about Jaime being the favorite.
Address that with him. Use hard numbers for cost and time. It sucks to have to lay out such stark comparisons, but if he isn’t giving you anything concrete, give him something concrete to demonstrate where you all are coming from.
One reason Luis may feel as though Jaime is the favorite is because he is 10 years older. At 10 years old, he likely was way more cognizant of the extra attention being given to Jaime as a baby compared to Cyril, but not yet old enough or experienced enough to understand that babies take a lot of fucking time and energy to care for. And he certainly has no memory of being a baby himself. Seems like this was never addressed, and may have been a factor that got him addicted to…whatever he was addicted to in the first place. Add on to that any extra responsibilities or requests y’all made of him to care for the younger sibling(s) and you have a classic case of the neglected oldest child trope that hasn’t let up for what seems like a couple dozen years.
Address that directly with Luis, or go to family therapy for it. He’s clearly still harboring resentment, even if he was able to still be very close to Jaime beforehand.
I could understand Luis being super annoyed at moving rooms if he were like 15 or something. But he was a grown-ass man whose youngest brother was trying to do the right thing by his wife and future child by providing the best, safest, and most stable living situation possible. You all were being good (future grand)parents by helping out (and also, if all 3 were still there, it’s*your* fucking house, jfc). Cyril seemed to get it (yay for mature middle children!) and there’s no reason in the WORLD Luis couldn’t understand it. Yeah, moving shit ain’t fun, but help out your brother that you claim to love so much who clearly idolizes you.
Address that head-on with Luis when discussing his feelings of Jaime being the favorite.
Also, it sounds like Jaime and Lucy are doing everything they can to move up in the world. Jaime is working, Lucy is in school, they help out around the house…they aren’t just mooching.
Address that with Luis. If he needs concrete examples, give Luis concrete examples of all the things Jaime and Lucy do to–of their own volition–to show they aren’t just “living for free” and getting everything handed to them on a silver platter.
In many cultures, kids living with there parents–even when married, depending on their age–is fairly normal. It seems like overall, you’re doing your best to be a parent, having allowed your kids to continue to live with you when they are struggling. Jessa sounds like a judgy bitch who doesn’t approve of all the decisions everyone-not-named-Luis has made with their lives and–more to the point–thinks that people who make bad decisions should be punished for those choices rather than helped (the irony being how much help her soon-to-be-husband got after making choices that led to suffering from the disease of addiction).
And yeah, people can get married for both practical and romantic reasons. Insurance and tax breaks are literally some of the reasons to get legally married. If she thinks those are silly, they should just have a ceremony and not sign shit. (continued below due to character limits)
Don’t block Luis, I’m guessing he’s seconds from a relapse. He knows his future wife is ruining his life but feels like he can’t walk away. I have to wonder at this point if she’s either emotionally or psychologically abusing him.
I’m amazed at the people not blaming Jessa but ok.
So she was concerned that Lucy was a bad parent who abused her kid and also thought that she should be the one to watch her for the reception? Someone’s a liar.
You can report on them for filing a false report. It’s an actual criminal offence
NAH Just a mom who’s spending too much time trying to fix her adult children’s problems. Take a step back and breathe.
A tldr would be helpful
Calling CPS out of spite is basically an attempt at legal kidnapping. Your son and his fiance tried to have your granddaughter legally removed from her home. There is no coming back from that. Ever. They’re dangerous to your son’s family, and they always will be. Even if Luis breaks up with Jessa and comes back, tail between his legs, he is still a threat.
I’m sorry that you’ve witnessed your family blow up. Please remember how far Luis and Jessa went when some time has passed and the emotions have cooled down a bit. If Luis relapses, please don’t let that be used as an excuse to justify his vile behaviour. And especially, don’t ever ask Jamie and Lucy to forgive them. Some things cannot be forgiven. This is one of them. Your three sons will likely never be in the same room again. I recommend you get into therapy to adapt to that fact and prepare yourself for how your life will look in the future.
For me, calling CPS is the ultimate line in the sand. Whether or not you believe your sibling is the “favorite,” making that kind of accusation isn’t just a disagreement — it’s a point of no return. It’s an extreme, irreversible step that can have serious consequences for everyone involved, and it’s completely out of proportion to the situation. I honestly don’t understand how Luis can defend it by saying his brother is the favorite — favoritism, real or perceived, doesn’t justify that kind of overreaction.
Addictive personalities can latch onto things other than drugs, and in Luis case, Jessa might be the latest harmful fixation.
People definitely don’t have a shred of reading comprehension.
I have read all your posts, and the only ones to blame are Luis and Jessa, probably more Jessa because something tells me she is influencing Luis’ behavior a lot.
Again, you are doing the right thing by standing up for Lucy and your granddaughter, especially after a report was filed with protective services without any cause to credit that Lettie was being abused.
I’m sorry this is happening, but Luis dug his own grave.
Updateme
I need to go smoke a joint after reading this.
Updateme!
Welp you son just nuked his relationship w/his entire family so his fiancée achieved her goal of completely isolating him. Theres no coming back from calling CPS out of spite. You can keep the door open for your son if you like but I don’t see his siblings having a relationship w/him ever again. Hopefully one day he comes to his senses.
What is the common dominator?
Always go back to that.
Jessa.
Jessa sounds miserable. And Luis sounds like a narcissist. It’s okay that you helped him, but God forbid you help anyone else because it’s only okay when he needs it.
He will come crawling back when him and Jessica get divorced and he has a couple of kids to pay child support for
Luis is a man baby and Rosa is just a c*my
Honestly you and your husband should not go to the wedding in protest. Tell your other son it’s his choice to be the best man or not but in my opinion he should drop. Show Luis how big of a fuck up he is and for him to explain it to his friends why his own immediate family is not present
As mandated reporters, we are only required to make a report to CPS when we are at work. So Jessa’s ‘I’m a mandated reporter’ excuse is BS. I’ve been a mandated reporter for 37 years, and it has always been this way.