UPDATE: to yesterday’s WIBTAH if I declined a volunteer job with a charity because they expect me to pay membership dues and have not been nice?

UPDATE: Thank you so much to everyone who read and commented on my post about the charity that wanted me to pay them dues out of my own pocket for the privilege of donating my time and talents to their committee.

https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1knj79n/wibtah_if_i_declined_a_volunteer_job_with_a/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

I read every single comment. Your feedback really helped me to feel better. There was a HUGE outpouring of support for me and agreement that I was seeing signs of a dysfunctional group, to trust my gut and resign promptly. So that’s what I did!

I first emailed the very kind person who initially approached me to ask me if I would join their charity’s committee. I wanted to show her the courtesy of hearing it from me first, my interactions with her were honestly always great, and I felt bad. I told her I withdrew my name, gave no details, and I wished her all the best. She replied immediately with the sweetest email, offering to talk about it, and probably next week we will have a call. She asked me to please keep an open mind that maybe it will work out in the future.

Then the main email. I copied the secretary’s rude message to me about membership fees and forwarded it to the chair. (I double checked, and as many of you correctly guessed, she had not copied him on it!)

My email to him was brief and polite, and followed your recommendations. I said that upon reflection, we would not be a good fit, and I was withdrawing my name from further consideration. I wished him all the best in the future.

He emailed me back asking if we could talk about it. I replied thank you, perhaps we could collaborate in the future.

But I was so glad to get away from this group and his “leadership” that I don’t actually plan to revisit this for at least a year, if ever.

I want you all to know how very much I appreciate your encouragement! You said to trust my gut, to not tolerate disrespectful treatment, that from your painful experiences you cautioned it would probably not get any better, that nothing is worth my peace, and that I can find a volunteer experience that will appreciate me and not require me to pay for the privilege. Thank you all!

One gentleman suggested I should put up with the sh*t treatment and pay the money because this is what is required to climb the business ladders in society and improve my life. I know he meant well, but in reading it, I realized this is exactly the kind of thinking we were taught, and that I now reject. The idea that we have to prostrate ourselves to money and power in the hope that some might some day trickle down onto us if we are lucky. We might meet the right person, or get new job opportunity out of it, or that in some way it will elevate us a rung or two in a few years. He believes there is a pecking order, and people at the top are not courteous to people “below” them. I love my life as it is, I am not looking to “improve” it in these ways!

Lastly, some people mentioned there are charities where their boards are made up of paid representatives of large companies, where they are reimbursed for their time, or their dues and the time they dedicate to the meetings are “comped” by their companies for tax write offs, perks, and mutual donations, that it is a whole culture.

I know that. Clearly, that is not me. I told this charity that I was joining on my own. In the words of Elton John and Bernie Taupin, my gift is my song. I am a work horse, not a show horse. I was not aiming to reap any business contact benefits from the volunteer work, just to be treated kindly and serve my community. I’ll keep looking for other places to share my time and talents! Again, thank you all so much!