An update on my original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/s/OjDa5ZY00U
I texted my MIL after an argument with my DH about his mom kissing our baby. While he’s says he’s on my side, he makes excuses for her like, “it was just the back of the head.” He spoke to her this morning and she apparently said, she wanted to “show LO love.” I’m so fucking over it I took matters into my own hands and texted her and DH in a group chat:
“Hi MIL,
A conversation is warranted after you crossed the boundary of kissing LO yesterday and I don’t feel as though I need to initiate it. I am putting this in writing so I am heard. Truthfully, I am upset, because I feel disrespected and like my voice doesn’t matter because I’m a new mother. We made it clear others kissing her is something we will not tolerate prior to her even being born due to the risks it poses to her immature immune system. This is something several of our doctors advised us on. DH had to have a follow up conversation with you after you stated you would “try not to kiss her too much” when we informed you of this rule while I was pregnant. I thought you understood then. You kissed her on the back of head when we were over at your house packing her up to leave the day we ordered food and I let it go. You kissed her on the back of the head yesterday more than once and it took everything in me to speak up on behalf of my child. I shouldn’t have to feel uncomfortable advocating for her. I don’t feel as though this is a hard boundary to abide by, but I know DH spoke to you today and you stated you wanted to show LO love. The best way you can lover her is to do the simple things and keep her safe. She will know you love her. And I understand she will get sick some day. Kids get sick, but as someone who works with vulnerable children, risking a child’s health for selfish reasons is never ok. If you felt like this isn’t something you cannot help I wish you told us sooner. We were actively looking for childcare this winter in preparation for her arrival and due to the extensive waitlists, we will not be able to get her into childcare when we are both back at work this summer given the short notice. Again, I am putting this I writing so it is clear how I am feeling and what my expectation is on this matter as I was very clearly ignored the first 2 times.”
Her response was: “DIL, I think we need to sit and have a conversation”
I responded I agree, but I’m not packing up LO and driving to her house to make it happen. Also, DH said she told him this morning that SHE needs to feel comfortable if she’s going to provide us childcare. I swear if she pulls the victim role during our discussion and makes it about her and not feeling like she’s “walking on eggshells,” I’ll go off. I’m so done. I’m 6 weeks PP and I’m letting my rage go on her because it’s a simple request. Do not kiss the baby. What is so fucking hard about that!?
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Other posts from /u/Classic-Tomorrow3544:
Told MIL to stop kissing the baby, but she will be our childcare., 23 hours ago
I can tell my MIL is disappointed our newborn is my twin, 3 weeks ago
“I’ll take the baby if you need help” – MIL, 1 month ago
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Omg I’m so frustrated for you, I’m so sorry. And honestly, your husband doesn’t rly sound 100% on board with you and that’s an issue.
Please try to find something else in the mean time.
If you can secure alternative childcare arrangements, do so. Otherwise, you are literally bating the bear.
Ugh. That sucks. I know your flair says no advice wanted, but I’m sure yiu know that “conversation” wouldnt go as planned. You’re doing the right things.
We need to have a conversation?? No it isn’t up for discussion. My baby. I said no kissing. How fucking hard is it to control your mouth?! I hate people who can’t follow simple requests
You know every time I see these posts I just think of Kylie Kelce’s post-partum podcast “DON’T KISS THE DAMN BABY”
https://youtu.be/8eckZC_bt5A?feature=shared
That being said I don’t think you need to have a conversation with your MIL. I’d just respond and say this doesn’t require a conversation, this is a very simple yes, I understand. If you cannot control yourself around the baby you will have limited access and thats final.
Keep to your boundaries. You got this !
You get the childcare you pay for. I couldn’t trust her at this point.
“I’m always happy to have a conversation with you, but I’m not sure what there is to discuss. No one but her parents are allowed to kiss LO. Is this something we can trust you with?”
Edit/ you were very firm and restrained in your text, even though it was long. I hope the conversation is productive.
I already don’t trust her in the future – conversation or no conversation.
Find a nanny share. Full stop.