So I reported my colleague to HR. After my husband kept telling me if it was the other way around, I would report it, I did it. I told HR that I don’t want any investigation or to hurt her in any way, I just want to be on the record that it happened. HR assured me no further action would be taken unless I want it, and it will be kept anonymous. I felt so bad for doing it, I thought I made a big mistake by reporting a misunderstanding.
My colleague missed work the next couple of days and when she came back she was visibly changed. Very annoyed. Since we still sit one next to another in the office, I behave normally and we don’t speak about that day.
Today she scoffed when a colleague from a different department passed by. I looked at her with the corner of my eye, but she saw it, and she leaned over to me and probably felt like it was a good time to dish some tea. She told me she has been called to HR and given a lecture about work harassment and has a couple of in-person courses on this. I honestly froze at that moment. Sandy then proceeds to tell me that coworker who just passed must have reported her because they were flirting and she made some jokes that might not have landed well with that colleague. I was there looking at her like an idiot not knowing what to say while she went on a rant about how this place is so against LGBTQ people and you can’t make a joke or flirt without someone taking offence. She told me she is just trying to find people to have fun with and encourage them to explore their options. She even gave me as an example “I tried to help you as well but for sure you weren’t ready for it”. I did not say a word and just looked at her for a second before coming back to my work.
I felt like an idiot. I really thought she made a mistake by kissing me, and defended her so much to my husband, saying that it was a simple misunderstanding and she felt so embarrassed. now I know I was one of the people she tries to “help explore”.
I don’t know what to do with this information. I still believe misunderstandings can happen, but I don’t feel that bad for reporting her anymore. My husband was right. You guys were right.
Comments
At first, it might’ve felt like a gray area, but now it’s clear she has a history and intention that goes beyond a harmless mistake. Reporting her was the right move to protect yourself and your work environment
Hopefully the courses help her, distance yourself further if you can.
For a fun exercise. Imagine if you switched the gender to male. What would you think of this attitude and behavior?
So she just admitted to what sounds like sexual assault? I’d make a record of this and add to the HR record.
NTA this just confirms you made the right choice.
YWBTA if you don’t go back to HR and update them. You need to let them know that she admitted to you that what she did was not on accident or innocent misunderstanding. They need to know that she is deliberately sexually harassing/assaulting fellow employees in an attempt to force them to change their sexual identity (cis, lgbtq+, etc).
So she SA you.
Btw, kissing someone without consent is SA. You need to stop feeling bad for reporting it.
Nope, she’s the AH. She’s weaponizing an identity group and using it as a free card to behave however she wants. Remember that Family Guy piece where the bartender asks the transwoman to stop watching porn at the bar and the TW replies “I’m trans,” to which the bartender says, “Oh, well in that case, do whatever you want.”
That was commentary on people like your coworker.
She is cancerous and I’m sorry you have to deal with her. She sounds like someone who is going to cry -phobia or -ism anytime someone speaks up against her bad behavior. You did the right thing by reporting her.