Update: WIBTAH if I stop doing all favors for my ex since he refused to do one for me?

Hey everyone I don’t know how to link on mobile so my last post is in my profile. I got way too overwhelmed with the responses but like I thought, I was completely being taken advantage of and the friends telling me to let it go can suck it. (JK I know where they were coming from they were just wrong and my egg Greg and Tessie do need to be introduced to my good friend Reality).

One thing I didn’t mention in my last post is that Greg and I have a long history, I’ve known him forever since we moved to his mom’s neighborhood when I was 4, we were always friendly and then we started hooking up when I was in college and got pregnant. In his defense, he 100% stood up, married me, took care of us, paid for everything while I finished school, and even paid for my college. But even before all that, he’s always been a great guy and my friend, I know it seems like I was being taken advantage of but of course over the years people probably thought I was taking advantage of him before I started making the big bucks. It was me who filed for divorce, he said he could probably go to therapy and find a way to make it work but I knew I couldn’t ask him to do that.

And there has been reciprocity in other ways, after we divorced he definitely helped me a lot in setting up my new home (before Luke and I got together). Doing things like mowing, cleaning the gutters, fixing appliances. Obviously those things don’t happen anymore, but I’m just saying it hasn’t always been me doing everything. Finally, all of this has NOT been thankless. Up until The Manifesto, they were incredibly and vocally grateful and appreciative. Doing things for appreciative people is great and makes me feel good, unfortunately now that we are living in the Post Manifesto Era, I don’t get any joy from helping them out like I used to.

With all that being said, I can’t continue bending over backwards for him just because he was good to me before.

Anyways I got pretty mad at myself at my last post and decided to respond to The Manifesto, as I was hyping myself up though Greg called. I was pretty amped so I decided to answer.

He started with apologizing. He didn’t say it directly, but I got the gist that Tessie wrote the email in anger because of how overwhelming everything is. He reminded me that it wasn’t just his son’s issues, Louisa was also struggling to get her diabetes under control (any other type 1 parents can probably relate), and she misread my email to think that I was asking for them to keep them for 3 of my custody periods for a total of 6 weeks. Going back to The Manifesto I can kind of see where she was saying that, but it wasn’t the most coherent thing to begin with. He said one week for our honeymoon is totally fine and they will figure it out.

He acknowledged that it was entirely inappropriate and uncalled for. Unluckily for him I was not in the best mood and told him damn straight it was one of the most deranged and untrue emails I’ve ever read. I asked him if anything they wrote in the email rang true to him in the cold light of day and he admitted no.

I had kind of been going back and forth on this, and was originally going to tell him to go to hell and we would never switch custody times again, I didn’t care if they had 5 more kids with c-sections, but I decided against going that far. I told him that I would get the kids when Tessie had her C-Section, keep them through my custody, and would expect them to have them back during his next custody period – which still gave them 10 days to recover etc. If he needed more help, I expected him to figure out any extra childcare for our kids like he will need to with his other son. He started arguing but I just bulldozed through and told him that he could make this and all of the other times I’ve helped him out with childcare by watching the kids during my week during my honeymoon. He said that sounded fair and thanked me.

But I told him that the email was so far out of line that that any and all extras I’ve been doing were over immediately. He could either find a new carpool (no bus, private school) or I would keep picking the kids up from school but he or Tessie could get them from my home during their weeks. If they are unable to care for the children due to their son’s meltdowns or their new baby, I would be willing to help them, but warned them that due to their accusations I would start (LOL) tracking this and if I thought it was becoming an issue I would file for primary custody. I asked him if that would help, he could have the kids every other weekend, I wouldn’t demand child support in light of his very difficult situation (even though I know I could) and he insisted that wasn’t necessary, that it was on them to figure things out.

He really didn’t have a lot to say back to any of this and apologized again. I told him that it wasn’t impossible to rebuild the trust we have had in the past, but it was going to take a lot of time and hard work on his and his wife’s part because I was done putting in so much just to get attacked. He promised he understood and he’d figure everything else out. I told him that since this was another verbal (aka not legally binding) agreement, the first time either of them slips up, makes outrageous demands, or says anything remotely close to what she wrote in that email, I would bring down the hammer because due to the attacks on my character I now had a lawyer on retainer (hadn’t met with the lawyer yet but sometimes you need to bluff). He confirmed he understood.

Tessie sent me a text apology, it seemed sincere but I don’t trust her. I know Greg wouldn’t throw her under the bus, but the fact that she thought it was ok to send such a demeaning and demonizing email to me after all I’ve done for her really ruined any grace I was willing to give her. I sent her a short acknowledgement text, and went on with my day. 

Both their lives are about to get much, much more difficult. If they try to put any of that discomfort or difficulties on my kids I will move swiftly, but also if it means that my kids get a little less at their dads house than they do here, that’s not the worst lesson for them. Their needs will always be met, I know that, and they’ve been in therapy for a while so while I’m concerned that Tessie could take her frustrations out on them, I truly think they would tell me. I read so many other storeis on here and realized that 

Two things:

So the thing with the car – it’s meant for my friend’s stepdaughter for when she gets her permit. She is 15, and we all love her so much but she has that disease that 15 year olds get where she really doesn’t have any motivation whatsoever. So I was talking about all this to said friend, she told her husband, and he marched upstairs and told his daughter to get dressed so she could go and take her permit test. She failed 🙂 but is going to try again next week, and he is purchasing the car next week – Greg knows and knows he has until then to acquire a new one.

And the cat isn’t Tessie’s cat. It was Greg’s guilty divorced dad first Christmas gift lol. I really like the cat, she’s very sweet and snuggly and I haven’t minded helping especially since Louisa does feel bad she doesn’t do it anymore. Honestly if it wasn’t for that I probably wouldn’t have agreed to help! Luckily the induction is soon, and Greg won’t be travelling for a while, so its a moot point. Obviously if they were to decide to get pregnant again, they would need to hire someone to do the litter box going forward. I’ve probably only done it three times, but I see that was crossing some boundaries I should have put up. 

I’m going to keep enjoying the life that I’ve worked hard to build – I know they’ll always be around and in my life, and it’s unfortunate for them that the choices they made got them in this situation, but they’re going to have to rebuild their village. I’m excited for the wedding and especially excited to go to Japan! Those things and of course my kiddos are my focus going forward. Peace!