My GF had a very rough up bringing, so did I but not as close to what she’s had to deal with, in that case she has close to no family, no friends she could live with. She moved in with me and my dad about a year and a half ago, started controlling my life, telling me what to do what not to do, she is very toxic and blames everything on me. She wanted to move out with me in our own place, which I reluctantly agreed. Fast forward to today, almost everyday is an argument, she is now realizing some things she does, but at this point I feel like I want to drive off a bridge, and she’s the problem, I love her with all my heart, but I don’t have love for her if that makes sense, if I left her and my apartment she would be homeless, I can afford to pay my part of the bills but still live else ware. I’ve tried to break things off a little over a month ago, and she sobbed, threatened to kill Herself, took like 4 shots, and ended up dragging me back into the relationship unfortunately. Like I really am unhappy, I’m honestly about to explode. I need honest opinions and help, I know for a fact I am breaking up with her I just don’t have the energy or balls to do it, I also don’t know what to say, please help..:/
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I don’t usually recommend breaking up by text but if you can’t stick by it in person that may need to be the way. If you’ve tried properly in person first.
Ideally I’d say in person, say your bit and then leave, and tell her that you’re not going to be on your phone for a while. But if that doesn’t work then message it and turn the phone off or give it to someone else.
If you’re worried for her then let her friends know or something so they can look after her. If you’re responsible for her after the fact you will end up getting pulled back in.
If she threatens to harm herself, just call your local emergency number – 911, 999, whatever – and tell them that you broke up with your partner, and she is threatening to hurt herself, and she has a history of threatening suicide before. And leave.
That’s it. Don’t stay and see if she’s okay, or allow her to beg. Let the people who are trained handle it.
Are you on a lease? That will be another issue for you to deal with.
Pack up all of your stuff and leave while she’s away. Block her on everything
You are never obligated to sacrifice your own happiness and well-being to ensure someone else’s best interests.
Your GF is indeed being manipulative by threatening to kill herself if you break up. If she’s serious, healing her mental illness is far above your paygrade anyway.
If it helps, bring a mutual friend with you when you tell her it’s over and she needs to move out. Then you can leave, and let the friend comfort her and help her get her stuff together.
She won’t be homeless, at least not for long. She’ll couch-surf and find work (if she’s not working already) and find a new place she can afford, with roommates as necessary. But it will no longer be any of your business how or where she lives, after you break up with her.
All breakups are sad – for the dumper, as well as the dumpee – but sometimes they are necessary. You shouldn’t remain shackled by obligation and guilt to a toxic partner who makes your life miserable on a daily basis at any age, and especially not when you are barely even an adult. No one can bring you back to living your best life but you, so please don’t procrastinate any longer.
Invite her to view the comments here. That should get the deed done, you’re welcome.
you’re not married. You need to grow a spine and break up. Tell her it isn’t working and you are going to leave. If she pulls the “I’m gonna kill myself” then that’s on her.
My dad (god rest his soul) had a clingy gf before he met my mom. She also threatened to off herself. He said the only thing he could, which was “I’m not responsible for your actions” and walked out. She didn’t kill herself, but if she had it would’ve been out of his hands.
DOn’t set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.
Sounds like you just have to disappear and go no contact and block her. She is hyper manipulative and guilt tripping. Leave a message and run.
Since this is a relationship advice sub – I’ll add some you might not want to hear.
In your narrative – EVERYTHING is her fault and you were the reluctant victim. This is of course nonsense.
Yes – definitely end this toxic mess of a relationship, but you need to figure yourself out before jumping into another one.
You are only 18, this is your time to figure out who you are and what you want. You are waaaay too young to llive with a partner and whatever you do , if you only get one thing from all this – never use a relationship try to “save” or “fix” anyone.
I know it’s difficult, but it’s good that you are certain. If you tell her in person, make it quick, concise and unwavering. Give no hope, even if it’s hard not to do so to make her feel better.
You are simply people who grew in different directions, and your paths forward aren’t the same. No one is wrong or to blame, and you will always wish her well.
Oof this is a tough situation. I’m sure you realize the mistakes you’ve made, so I won’t go too hard on you there, but man you made some big decisions at your young age that are now biting you in the ass! Don’t move in with a girlfriend at 18, neither of you sound mature enough to deal with these consequences.
Are you renting and is she on the lease? It’s gonna be messy unfortunately. You need to see what your options are with breaking the lease. Maybe find somewhere else to stay while she figures out what she’s doing. But her staying there could easily become a messier situation. You can’t exactly just kick her out, especially if she’s on the lease.
There’s not much you can say to convince her. She’s not going to take it well. The best thing is to rip off the bandaid and don’t let her manipulate you. Tell her this relationship is not working for you and is not healthy and that it is over. Does she have any family or friends you are cool with? Someone you could call and give them a heads up that she might need some support so she doesn’t go and harm herself. Or anyone she could stay with for a bit while y’all figure out the housing situation? Her drinking and threatening suicide is not your problem. If she truly is a risk to herself, then you need to call someone to check on her or call for a wellness check . You cannot be the person to comfort her through this, she has already proven that she will just manipulate you.
Sorry to say it bro but this is a bad situation you got yourself into and I’m sorry for you to have to learn these hard lessons. If you were my kid I would have strongly advised you not to move in with an unstable girlfriend, but as you are an adult you make your own decisions now, you need to be aware that those decisions have grown up consequences. I hope you find a solution that works out for you, and for her. But you cannot stay with her just because she emotionally manipulates you or doesn’t have anywhere to go. That’s not your problem anymore, and you are not responsible for what she does afterwards. Good luck hon, I hope you can get out of this situation soon.
Literally, she won’t and if by some crazy chance she does, she’s not your responsibility. Seriously, she’s a grown ass woman. Also, I thought she has no one, but you two live with her bestie?
Speak to your landlord to see if you can get out of your lease early, it will likely mean you have a fee to pay but it will be worth it in the long run! Staying on the lease and living elsewhere, your ex and the other roommate could damage the property and you’d end up being liable for part of that.
Also, when you break it off with her, if she threatens self harm, phone emergency services and let them deal with her. Good luck lad!
I also lived with a woman who told me she had been physically beaten during her marriage, she had been gang raped in the military. She was manipulative and would punish me with silent treatment and withholding sex if I stepped out of line even in the slightest. I stayed because my ex wife was manipulative and it felt normal, but after 18 months I too felt as though I was losing myself and walking on eggshells all the time, I was miserable. She even played with a butcher knife while she berated me, even going so far as to cut her thigh. I woke one day and told her I was going to work with her, she said no, she was going alone. When she left, I prayed and asked God for a sign of what I should do. I got a visual of a giant neon sign that read RUN, I packed everything I could into my vehicle, went to the bank and liquidated our joint bank account, which I had funded, and left the state. I drove 24 hours to a state where my BFF had moved to for work. He let me live with him and got me a job where he was working and I started over there. I totally ghosted her. I even have her name tattooed on my arm. I think I stayed for so long because when we would have sex it was mind-blowing. But even that wore thin after awhile.
When it’s time to go, it’s time to go. You’ll be better off.