I (30M) have lived with my dad (59M) since my parents split when I was 6, I love my dad to death and would do anything for him. We live together in a rental house that neither of us can afford on our own and have only been here for 2 years. I want to try and move out around the beginning of the year and get a place with my GF, but I don’t want to hurt my dad’s feelings because he doesn’t really have anyone, no real friends to talk or hang out with, no significant other, etc. I feel like if I move out on my own he will be first, upset that he will have to move out of the house we’re living in now which he likes a lot, but second he will be lonely. But even though at this point it’s more of a roommate situation we each pay our own portions of the rent, bills, etc. I know as a 30 year old I should have my own place away from a parent. I’m at a crossroads because I love my dad and don’t want to upset him, but I also feel like it’s long past due to be living on my own, any advice?
Want to move out and live on my own but do not want to hurt my father
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You’re not abandoning him, you’re just starting your own life like any adult should. He might be hurt at first but he’s still a parent and deep down he’ll understand.
Speak to him first about any plans and gauge how he geels. As a father, if my son comes and tells me he wants to move out with his GF ill be happy for him and wish him the best. Just dont do it without his knowledge or as a last minute move. Remember he also needs time to look for a suitable place. Hell, maybe yall can rent a house with an ADU that he can cover and its completly separated. Just let him know before you dip.
Even if you stay with him, you shouldn’t be his only social connection. That’s not healthy for either of you.
Will he go with you yo do things?
Maybe ask him to come with you to activities he enjoys with other people. Like maybe a gym, a sportsman’s club, a snowmobile club, church, the YMCA. Or volunteering for habitat for humanity, trail builds, soup kitchen, dog walking. Has he ever tried to date again? Helping him look for older singles events or set up a good dating profile.
Anything that caters to his existing skills and interests. Ask him what he loved to do as a kid and it’s a kindness to help him get out more.
Also it’s ok to try and have calm conversations about your future. You are a grown man, and it’s reasonable that you’re ready to live with a serious girlfriend at 30.
The more notice in advance you give him the better. Also help with finding a roommate, or subletter type situation.
You cannot manage his feelings for him. But also know if it’s just you and him, he is still an adult who can make choices to reduce his loneliness.
He might be happy with a new roommate
Live your life. That’s what he’d want you to do. You’ve done heroes work staying that long and yes, of course you love him tremendously, but it shouldn’t be at tge expensive of your own life. In a way, one could argue that you being there has stunted him from having to change his own life, get out there and find his own happiness.
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He will adjust. You will, too. Let him know your intentions now.
Parents know, expect and want their children to have their own lives and be independent.
When does your current lease end? Does this align with your move-out timeline? If not, try to adjust to accommodate his next move, as well – so you are not leaving him high and dry. Make it a clean transition. Don’t burden him financially. Help him find a place he can afford on his own, help him move.
Time to leave the nest. You’re 30, you can’t live your whole life worried about your dad being lonely.
He’s a grown ass man that can get himself out there and socialize if he wants too.
You shouldn’t feel bad or be worried about starting your own life with your gf
As long as you invite over for Sunday lunch once a month and a call as ofter as possable. Not to mention sports pizza etc night now and again. It will all be good.
Dude… you’re 30. Go start your own life.
I think you need to give him as much advance notice that you can so he can get used to the idea and find somewhere else to live. He will be upset, but he should understand why you want to live on your own.
He needs you to go so he can move on, too.