My husband (M28) and I (F33) have been married for 5 years come October. We have two beautiful children, as well. Our relationship started red hot and we immediately got married in 2020, ended up getting pregnant shortly after and then spent a year apart due to his job. We then moved overseas together, where we got pregnant again and had our second (and last) child.
During this entire relationship, I’ve been so head over heels that I’ve always given him excuses for his bad behavior. He has a problem with his sexual urges (I guess?). When we first got together he was following many thirst trap profiles on social media, always watching porn, etc. I asked him to tone it down and only watch porn, not the social media stuff. He agreed. Then we left for a year and I have no idea what went on while he was gone. Deployments are a complex thing…
When we reunited and moved to our new home, I was feeling down from motherhood and my sexual desires changed. His never did. He ended up having some form of an affair (I saw some form because he denies anything physical happened but he’d dissappear for hours on end in the middle of the night AND they worked together) while I was pregnant with our second. At 9 months pregnant it all came to light. I wanted to leave then and there but I was pregnant, in a foreign country and depended on him.
We worked through almost everything, ended up moving back to the states. Once back, I made a new friend and he ALMOST tried to do the same stuff with her but she’s a solid one and we ralked about it and called him on his shit. It’s been anout 2 years (almost to the day) since that inital incident overseas. I thought we were doing great and was falling back in love. Now we’re getting ready to move back to our home state and settle down with the kids.
Unfortunately, the other day, while all four of us were sitting on the couch togehter, I looked over and saw him looking at his phone. Then I noticed he had a huge boner. I was disgusted by it because both our young children were there with us and scolded him. I asked to see what he was looking at and saw some thirst trap profile on fb.
It felt like everything all over again. Just a punch to the stomach. I voiced my frustration about it and how he likes to constantly lie and cross boundaries that I clrealy mark for him. I understand that he is a little younger than me, but 28…come on. My best friend told me today that she doesn’t know how I haven’t left yet because she would have during the “pregnancy scandal”.
I’m considering it might be time because I have to always gaslight myself to stay. I guess I just would like to hear some similar stories…or opinions…I’m at a total loss.
Comments
He’s a loser and a cheater. What possible reason do you have to stay? Do you want your kids seeing this?
Major red flags. It doesn’t sound like you’re happy and clearly neither is he if he’s seeking these things.
Think about what kind of example they’re setting for the kids. Do you want them to learn that that is how to love someone? Do you want them to learn this love is ok to accept?
If you’ve expressed a boundary and they cross it, that tells you how much they value respecting you.
My opinion is you already know what to do. I’m here to echo back to you what your gut is saying, that you are worth much more than this. Time to go.
He’s a serial cheater and has broken your trust multiple times. The fact that he cheated during your pregnancy, where you’re most vulnerable, is vile. If you haven’t, I’d see a lawyer, get checked for STIs, serve him with divorce papers and get your child support.
Edit: To add, age has nothing to do with cheating. Some people are just shitty no matter how old they are.