For the fellas who claim that you can’t even talk to a woman in public anymore: as long as you don’t behave like a creep, you’re fine!
I’m usually wary of strange men approaching me in public when I’m alone, as most of the time they’re either trying to hit on me, harass me for money, or make some sort of disgusting racial/sexual comment.
Was at the cinema watching a new horror film(I usually go to the cinema alone, I prefer it as I can concentrate on the movie and also I don’t have many friends lmao). Before the film, I notice a big group of lads around my age being quite loud in the seating area and silently hope they’re not going to the same screening as me. I always choose a screening at nighttime where there’s less people and this time there was only me and one other guy in the whole theatre:great!
After the film I was sitting at the seating area with my headphones on waiting for my Uber. I can see in my peripheral vision the guy in the same theatre waving at me. My first thought is: fuck it do I just ignore him? Not again. Eventually, not wanting to seem rude, I remove the headphones on one ear so I can hear what he’s saying without giving the impression I’m about to have a long convo. Guy asks me what I thought of the film, explains he was originally going to see another film with his friends but decided to go to this one instead. He keeps his distance and seems friendly so I reply that it wasn’t that memorable and we have a pleasant conversation about various horror films and sub genres. After a while he says that it was nice talking to me and returns to sit at the other end of the seating area. It was actually quite nice to be able to discuss a movie with someone who’d just seen it! My Uber arrives so I go down and the guy gives me a polite wave.
This was just a guy who wanted to have a fun discussion and made an effort not to make me feel creeped out. I didn’t feel threatened in any way, just two people having a chat about a mutual interest.
If only the majority of guys could talk to women like they’re just another human being and not a conquest!
Comments
Believe me, I get it, those moments when a guy surprises us by being decent and just wanting to chat about something interesting? Priceless.
It’s a shame the creepy ones ruin it for the nice ones.
Had a guy behind me in the checkout line loudly say “can you believe the price of these wood pellets??” And I turned around like ‘you talking to me?’ and he was and then I looked at the wood pellet price and loudly exclaimed “No! I cannot believe the price of these wood pellets. OUTRAGEOUS.”
It was honestly a great interaction and healed my heart a little bit.
So glad you had a good experience! But as a horror fan, I need to know what movie lol
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I love it when this happens! I’m a pretty outgoing person so if a stranger wants to chat with me, I usually happily oblige. Elderly women and I get along famously. It’s always so disappointing, though, when I think I’m having a friendly conversation and then the person I’m talking to starts acting like a creep. Just be normal, damnit!
I will say, one of the benefits of getting older and rounder is that I get fewer creeps and more average people having average conversations.
>with my headphones on
My feeling is most people would like for headphone or earbuds on to be interpreted as an unambiguous signal that they are not interested in making casual conversation and to please not approach.
I think the key detail is that he interacted with you as if you were a human with shared interests, not as a ‘female’
There was a dude who commented about how they didn’t understand what it meant to be a creep but it got deleted as I was typing this up. If there are any other dudes lurking here’s my take on that:
With regards to what it means to be a creep/being creepy:
First and foremost, you will never be able to 100% ensure that no one ever will think that you’re being creepy. So if someone does, the best thing you can do is to let it go and not let it crush your entire sense of self. Miscommunication is exceeding common and easy to do so not everyone is going to vibe with you. Don’t be afraid of trying to be pleasant and sociable just because someone might misunderstand or because you couldn’t get the right words out.
But on to the main point. The key to not being creepy is intent and follow through. Did you notice the common through-line between these stories of women saying that they had a good interaction with a man? When they signaled that they were done with the interaction, the guys just accepted it and moved on. That or they interacted/talked for the sake of interaction/talking without the expectation of getting anything in return from the woman.
Like if you actually wanted to just give a girl a compliment? YOU CAN DO THAT! “Excuse me, miss? I just wanted to say that I really like your dress and the hat! Hope you have a great day!” and then keep walking. She will feel awesome and remember that because she spent time deciding on what she wanted to wear that day, you are actually giving a compliment because you are affirming choices that she has made. Do you know what would end up making it creepy though? If you see her all the time and kept doing that even if she’s not really engaging with you, because now you are not respecting her decision to not want any deeper social relationship with you.
I don’t want to be negative but there is a good chance he was just testing the waters, so to speak. I would still find what he did creepy. Men are good at hiding their ulterior motives and that’s how that would come across to me.
You didn’t need to remove your headphones and were perfectly in your right to not speak to him or tell him you’re not interested right then and there. We don’t owe politeness to anyone.
The part about making an effort to not be a creep is the key to it all, tbh. It usually involves putting yourself in the shoes of the other person: are you just going to be bothering them, or do you actually want to have a nice little chat, even if it’s meaningless at the end of the day?
a few months back I was dressed up for a nice event and afterwards was meeting up with friends. I found a parking garage and was making my way to the elevator and noticed I was crossing paths with 3 men about my age. I got nervous and prepared myself for some sort of comments as I could see them looking me up and down. I braced myself and as I walked by, one said to me “you look really nice”. I had done my hair and makeup and was in a favorite dress of mine. but I was caught off guard by how genuine and not creepy the 3 of them were! thanked them, went on with my night, but was surprised
This!!!! I usually go to the movies by myself as well, I wish I had people who liked to go to the theater to WATCH movies. I don’t have anyone to ever discuss the movie with, hardly ever. I get multiple men always so eager to tell me to “let them know next time im going by myself, they’ll go with me” but the creeper radar has already been going off for a while. Im fully aware they dont have much interest in the movie or genre. They just want to go with me. I have a handful of people I can eventually gush over movies with, but as I am a fan of going opening night….I usually just end up rambling to a few friends about it instead . Ah well….
This little bit of plain human interaction you had is so rad!