Hi i’m ‘F23’ and my ‘ex’ is ‘M28’. I am in shambles atm and just need to get this out and maybe get some type of validation, so excuse if my writing is all over the place since I am not doing well right now, ill try to keep it short. So let’s call him ryan. i’ve known ryan for what feel like forever (4.5 yrs) and i literally cant imagine my life without him which is what makes this so hard. But recently he’s been treating me badly and then gaslighting me by turning it around on me in someway and making me feel bad or confused. for example, we sometimes joke around and call eachother silly names, but the other night he called me one i didn’t really like so I asked him to please stop and he continued until i asked him 4 times. After that I let him know that I didnt appreciate that I had to ask him so many times and he kept going instead of stopping. he said things like “atleast I stopped eventually” and “look who keeps going now”. I told him he was being really rude and I didnt like the way he was talking to me and he got all mad and said one day I will realize i’m wrong…which was weird and made no sense. then he went and slept on the couch.
That is just one of the many ways he made me feel shitty over the past 2 weeks. Also, most of the time when I speak to him he either doesn’t respond or responds with one word. he barely tells me anything going on his his life meanwhile I share everything with him. 2 nights ago I found out he went to the club and lied to me about it (he says it’s because it ‘never came up’) so i’ve been upset about that too. Then today, we had an argument because he randomly said he was going to do something for work with his friend and I asked how long he knew he was gonna be going out to a jobsite tonight? (he knows I like to know things atleast a few hours in advance if he knows he’ll be going out) he said he didn’t know the exact time yet so he just didn’t bring it up all day until he knew what time. long story short, we ended up raising our voices at eachother and he eventually said “im not coming back tonight” in anger i guess… but then also said “maybe we should just only spend weekends together” which broke me.
and he meant that. we spend almost everyday together, he basically lives with me, his cat lives here. I loved having him by my side even when we didn’t talk. This part is what broke the camels back for me; he basically said im the reason we been getting into arguments this past 2 weeks and I ‘ask too much of him’ during the week…but i feel like I ask for little to nothing.
I told him that makes no sense when the only times i have gotten mad were in response to the way he’s been treating me. it also made no sense because a few days ago he appolagized for everything and said he’ll try to be better???!!!?? now hes acting like he barely did anything wrong ever. This was about 30 minutes ago, and I told him i couldn’t take it anymore and I told him (calmy) to get out of my apartment, and he left. I told him I don’t want to see him again. I don’t even recognize him anymore. but i’m crying while writing this because I know I am going to miss him so much. I have BPD and he’s my person, i love him so much and I want him here right now. I feel so alone and I just need some support. not doing well right now and I feel like it will never get better. sorry if this was long, I just needed to vent. please be kind, I don’t have many friends who can support me so some support here would be appreciated. Thank you.
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Backup of the post’s body: Hi i’m ‘F23’ and my ‘ex’ is ‘M28’. I am in shambles atm and just need to get this out and maybe get some type of validation, so excuse if my writing is all over the place since I am not doing well right now, ill try to keep it short. So let’s call him ryan. i’ve known ryan for what feel like forever (4.5 yrs) and i literally cant imagine my life without him which is what makes this so hard. But recently he’s been treating me badly and then gaslighting me by turning it around on me in someway and making me feel bad or confused. for example, we sometimes joke around and call eachother silly names, but the other night he called me one i didn’t really like so I asked him to please stop and he continued until i asked him 4 times. After that I let him know that I didnt appreciate that I had to ask him so many times and he kept going instead of stopping. he said things like “atleast I stopped eventually” and “look who keeps going now”. I told him he was being really rude and I didnt like the way he was talking to me and he got all mad and said one day I will realize i’m wrong…which was weird and made no sense. then he went and slept on the couch.
That is just one of the many ways he made me feel shitty over the past 2 weeks. Also, most of the time when I speak to him he either doesn’t respond or responds with one word. he barely tells me anything going on his his life meanwhile I share everything with him. 2 nights ago I found out he went to the club and lied to me about it (he says it’s because it ‘never came up’) so i’ve been upset about that too. Then today, we had an argument because he randomly said he was going to do something for work with his friend and I asked how long he knew he was gonna be going out to a jobsite tonight? (he knows I like to know things atleast a few hours in advance if he knows he’ll be going out) he said he didn’t know the exact time yet so he just didn’t bring it up all day until he knew what time. long story short, we ended up raising our voices at eachother and he eventually said “im not coming back tonight” in anger i guess… but then also said “maybe we should just only spend weekends together” which broke me.
and he meant that. we spend almost everyday together, he basically lives with me, his cat lives here. I loved having him by my side even when we didn’t talk. This part is what broke the camels back for me; he basically said im the reason we been getting into arguments this past 2 weeks and I ‘ask too much of him’ during the week…but i feel like I ask for little to nothing.
I told him that makes no sense when the only times i have gotten mad were in response to the way he’s been treating me. it also made no sense because a few days ago he appolagized for everything and said he’ll try to be better???!!!?? now hes acting like he barely did anything wrong ever. This was about 30 minutes ago, and I told him i couldn’t take it anymore and I told him (calmy) to get out of my apartment, and he left. I told him I don’t want to see him again. I don’t even recognize him anymore. but i’m crying while writing this because I know I am going to miss him so much. I have BPD and he’s my person, i love him so much and I want him here right now. I feel so alone and I just need some support. not doing well right now and I feel like it will never get better. sorry if this was long, I just needed to vent. please be kind, I don’t have many friends who can support me so some support here would be appreciated. Thank you.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
He is treating you badly. I think you do need to end it. I hope you are in therapy for your BPD because that’s a very difficult condition to deal with especially when it comes to relationships. Don’t let yourself be treated badly just to keep from being alone.
Sounds like he was trying to end it and you’re better off apart. You come across very immature and unstable. I think you should he single for a few years while you find your feet.
Seems the relationship has run its course.
You’re definitely NTA for breaking up with him for whatever reason.
But I’m a bit confused. Did he actually lie about the club or just not mention it?
It sounds like he has been trying to leave for a while, and just wasn’t being honest about stuff. But I agree with another poster that says you sound immature. And that’s not necessarily bad, but at 23, you are probably at a totally different life stage. Just finishing college and starting a career?
Either way. Spend some time alone, maybe some therapy, and find someone who wants to be with you.
It sounds like he wanted to break up but is too cowardly to do it. So he treated you poorly so you would break up with him.
Sounds to me like he had already moved on, maybe he didn’t know it, maybe he did, but he was already done. It’s hard. It’s real hard. But you have done the right thing. You will move past this. It will take a while, but you will move on.
I’m sorry you are going through this.
NTA, you did what you felt was right. You recognized that he was treating you badly and not taking accountability, and you decided not to stand for it, which you never should when it comes to your partner. Being disrespectful to your partner is never okay. He was being instigatory by the comments he made in response to you sharing your feelings, which were valid. He’s in a weird spot right now that I don’t think has anything to do with you, but it’s not a safe place for you to be anymore. There’s something he needs to deal with on his own. Things will get better, I promise you. Things will suck for a while, that is true, and you need to allow yourself to feel those emotions fully. Don’t try to keep yourself from crying or screaming or venting, do what you need bc it’s healing in itself. Be mindful of others, but you have every right to feel how you do, and your healing journey will be your own in your own time. Just don’t hold on to the pain. Mourn the loss of the life you had, and open yourself up to the possibilities of your new life when you’re ready. BPD is really rough, but it’s worse when you’re not in a truly safe space, and the gaslighting will not be helpful to you in the long run and will likely make it worse. You’ll find your right person, trust the universe has the intentions to lead you to the life you truly seek, you just have to get rid of the things in your way, even if it hurts.
You did the right thing.
Do not accept shitty treatment.
My guess is he wanted to break up but was a coward so he treated you like shit so you would do it.
Take care of yourself, be really kind and buy yourself you fave sna k and do your favourite things. Reach out to friends or family and a counsellor if you need to.
It is actually awesome to read that you have boundaries, kmow you deserve to be treated well and are strong enough to end a relationship that isn’t working. Uou are light years ahead of so many others in here.
It will get better, there will be a wonderful partner out there for you and now you are single you are free to meet them.
He has been treating you poorly. You are wise to end it. Of course, it hurts now because it is so fresh, but over time, you will come to realize that, in fact, he was NOT “your person,” and you are better off without him.
NTA He does not respect you, I’m glad you respected yourself enough to remove yourself from the disrespect!
He’s found someone else.
Break ups hurt. But it goes away over time.
He’s emotionally and mentally abusing you. Get rid of him. It also sounds like he’s gotten a new girlfriend, considering he’s acting like this and running off to be with his friends more often than being at home. Throw him out.
You made the right decision, this was going to end badly
Sounds like it’s run its course. It happens. Sounds like he’s causing problems so you’d break up with him. He get what he wanted.
I hope you’re in therapy. BPD is rough and you need support.
sounds to me like he found someone else but wants to keep you on the back burner incase it doesnt work out with the new women. Him saying to only see each other on weekends tells me its his way of spending weekdays with her but keeping you at arms length for the time being to see if it will work with the new girl
Without knowing you and your bf or all the details it’s a hard thing to call but you were crying and upset about how he treated you so space apart is at least warranted.
The going to a work site and not telling you ahead of time issue seems like something I would do if I’m waiting to confirm the details and then forgetting. I’ll do that if I’m busy and it just cuts down on back and forth questions I don’t have answers to yet. Even if you say he knows you don’t like it, it doesn’t change the reality that people forget.
The teasing I get from both sides. I’ve definitely taken a joke too far- sometimes I’ve felt bad other times I thought someone was being overly sensitive and been annoyed. I’ve also definitely been pissed when someone else has struck a nerve and won’t stop. That anger is real lol.
The club one I’m not sure what lie he told from your post- a lie of omission or you asked if he went and he denied it? Big difference imo.
The barely engaging in conversation I have a lot of experience with though and it’s a sign things aren’t good.
If your gut says something is up with him out of the blue it’s okay to voice that, that’s communication. Whether he’s over the relationship or into someone else only he knows. Maybe emotions got into it I don’t know but if you calmly asked him what’s going on lately and he won’t talk about it I think time apart is a good idea. We all deserve peace and security in a relationship or else why bother? Someone can be your person for a time in your life and also ultimately not be forever. If you feel like an afterthought and it makes you cry I think you did the right thing. If he doesn’t come back around to at least talk I think you have an answer.
No matter what happens I promise you, you will be okay. You made a boundary and enforced it, some people go to their grave not being able to do that. I wish at 23 I was more prone to doing that.
You did the right thing. I’ve been there. It will take you some weeks but one day you will realize he wasn’t good for you. 🤗
I was reading this thinking “he met someone else” until I got to the bipolar and he’s my person line.
That is never ok. It’s indicative of bipolar that isn’t being properly treated.
Bipolar isn’t your fault but it’s your responsibility. You can NOT put the pressure on a person to be your person. That’s is SOOOOO unfair. No one can ever live up to that responsibility.
Please be single and go to therapy. Do DBT. Get medicated. You can’t be in a relationship right now. They’ll all end like this. Every single one will end like this.
You are clingy and whiny and he is an ahole. I suggest you get married, have kids and live miserably ever after.
Seriously though, grow up. Accept that your relationship has run its course and move on.
Glad you got out. STAY out. He’s toxic.
Please take some time to calm down before doing anything else. He has been abusing your relationship, as your description makes clear.
Think clearly is this how you want to live your life.