So, for context, I (21) recently lost one of my best friends (20) We had an issue back in August regarding him going away on a trip with his boyfriend to New Mexico. He was drinking heavily and would send me drunk texts and voicemails that I wasn’t comfortable with. He also went radio silent on us while drunk and we were both worried about him. Both me and my other friend at the time had talked about a concern with this friend’s drinking, as none of us were 21 yet and we were worried if how much he was drinking was too much. We eventually talked about this. twice. and I told him my feelings on the matter, that I had been uncomfortable and we were worried about him, but I got over it because I realized it wasn’t bad, because that is how I had felt. I had expressed to him my fears as my only experiences with alcohol was traumatic experiences with my alcoholic family members. Everything seemed fine, and we seemed to had come to an understanding.
It is probably also important to note that he had gone with his boyfriend to an Indigenous reserve, and I know that the experience was very powerful for him, as we had a deep conversation about what it is like to be hidden from your heritage’s culture and get the chance to experience it (I am Jewish, for context).
However, flash forward to this month, and he decided to cut off his friendship with me, stating that as a Hispanic person, he felt stereotyped by the situation, and just couldn’t be my friend anymore. However, my other friend– who also had shared the same words and sentiments as me at the time– was not dropped for stereotyping or called out for stereotyping. I have a lot of friends, both Hispanic and not, saying that this was a weird excuse and that I wasn’t being racist, but I really want to make sure I’m correcting any behavior that’s internal/unconscious, as I know I have come from an area that is predominantly white and that impacts my experiences. I don’t want to hurt anyone else.
This is being spread around my school, and I’m being ostracized by my peers aboht it. I don’t know what to do, or what they’ve heard. I don’t know if I worded something badly in our conversations. I just need some guidance. I feel like my life is falling apart.
Thank you for your answers
Comments
Your story doesn’t include racist examples. If not drinking is a hard boundary you wish to hold in your relationships, than let the friendship end. High school is stupid and life gets better. I promise people are not thinking about you even 1/10 as much much as you think they are.