So a while back, I was talking to a friend about seasons changing and how I was about to do a closet swap (I keep all my fall/winter clothes in storage and do a swap out for spring/summer clothes when seasons change), and she out of the blue was like, “you dress really unflattering for your body type.” And I was like “oh… well what would be more flattering on me?” And she was like, “honestly, idk LMAO🤣” and ever since she said that, it’s been stuck in the back of my head and making me question myself and it makes me feel bad about any outfit I pick now. Tbh, I do have an odd shape to dress where I’m 5’3 but have big boobs and a small butt. I don’t really have much waist definition (think Pamela Anderson in the 90’s but without the boob job) and it’s hard for me to look nice in clothes without either looking frumpy or like I’m purposely trying to show my boobs. It’s frustrating for me, but I was also at the point where I didn’t care and wore my frumpy oversized t shirts and sweaters sometimes because I came to accept my body. Sometimes I feel I dress flattering, sometimes I don’t because I just don’t care on certain days. But she made me feel like I look like shit no matter what and now I can’t stop thinking about it. Is this an actual friend or is she just trying to break down my self esteem? How would you all take this? I’m so confused and don’t know if I should say anything to her about it.
Comments
I feel it’s hard to judge without context. If it was just stating as fact I can’t really see anything wrong with comment. Your friend also should feel comfortable to be honest with you and if they feel that something doesn’t really work for you to be able to say it to you. I wouldn’t jump into conclusions that she’s trying to sabotage you and affect your self esteem in some way just for comment she made.
I don’t know if she was specifically trying to body shame you but it sure as hell was a rude thing to say and a rude way to say it.
I’m so sorry this happened to you! Friends should lift you up, not tear you down.
Based on this one comment, I can’t say for certain if this friend is worth keeping. But generally speaking does your friend add to your life or take away from it? Do they give as much as you do to the friendship? Do you come away from interactions feeling refilled and lifted up? Do you look forward to seeing them? Basically: do you make each other and each other’s lives better?
As for the clothing:
Ultimately, it’s nobody’s business what you wear. Don’t let this person’s opinion ruin your day. You are enough and loveable just as you are. Only allow people in your life who see that too
what kind of behavior is that? Especially when she got no solution to offer it was definitely intended to just hurt you. She could have gone about it like “I think this or this would suit you better in case you ever want to refresh your style”. That is still honest and direct but at the same time friendly and helpful.
I feel like you need to be clear with her about being hurt by what she said. She may have been deliberately rude or maybe she’s just a little dense. I don’t know her well enough to tell. But if you know you’re lacking waist definition because you wear baggy clothes, maybe you feel particularly hurt because you know that it’s true that you’re not dressing to best flatter yourself.
My best friend recently passed and I was reading her journals we found in her house. (I know about everything in her life we were very close) we would fight like sisters and irritate each other and I had a hard time because everyone at her funeral talked about how she was the nicest person and she was really rude to me. In her journal I found where she had written about me being a bad friend and how she was trying to make me jealous by talking about other friends being better friends to her. She would always pit her other friends against me and when I asked her about it she said I was being paranoid. She actually wrote in her journal how she was trying to upset me. I have so many other instances in life where I’ve given people the benefit of the doubt but I no longer do that. If it feels rude it’s because it is rude.
She’s not a friend
Friends wouldn’t say stuff like that.
If I told you you didn’t dress for your body type and you asked how should you dress, we would figure out your body time and move on from there. Then it would be us looking for clothes that will look cute on you.
Ditch this “friend,” but consider trying the services of a personal shopper sometime, like at a major department store. Or even just some yt videos on dressing for your shape, etc. I say this because it can be helpful, and it’s going to be harder to get this refrain out if your head if you don’t see what might be true-or not.
It’s so rude!
You just answer the question being asked to you. Only reason for her to say this would be if you asked a question about that, nothing more.
Is she really your friend? No need to think much about her, in any way.
She doesn’t sound like a friend I would want. It’s one thing to give constructive criticism, but it’s another to just make you feel bad without anything helpful to say. I would try to go back to your mindset before she said this and honestly consider reducing contact or eliminating the friendship entirely.
I’ve started asking people “what was the purpose of you making that comment?”.