I have had two quite difficult pregnancies and after both I gained significant weight. Both times my BMI was in overweight range. After few years of recovering from complications after my last pregnancy I started to work hard on getting back in shape and I am showing quite visible results.
We have a male acquaintance who we do see sometimes in our social circle. He is over 50 and often has mentioned that relationships never have worked out and although he always wanted kids it probably never will happen for him.
Few weeks ago we met and were having casual conversations in group of people when he mentioned my weight and that at last I have started doing something about it. He continued with going on how women let themselves go after pregnancies and don’t take care of themselves etc.
For context I had HG in both of my pregnancies to the point where I had to take medicine and had to go to hospital for IV fluids to be administered. I was in accident as a teenager and have lower back issues and after both pregnancies I suffered from severe post-partum back pains (bad enough to crawl to bathroom instead of walking) and after last pregnancy bleeding for 3 months. It took two years of physio after last pregnancy to actually start feeling better and stop relying on pain killers. While I was breastfeeding I just suffered it through and never took anything stronger than paracetamol. Add to it hormones, full time demanding job and you could say that getting back in shape and exercising was not my top priority. However I haven’t really discussed it with anyone around me.
Although I tried to stop conversation few times he kept going at it until I snapped back that he is so clueless what happens with woman’s body and mental state after pregnancy it’s no wonder no woman wants to look at him and never wanted to get pregnant by him. I probably did take his comments personally and that was the trigger for saying what I said. However since I have received quite mixed responses. Some people think it was justified for him making ignorant comments and judging young mother’s when it does not concern him. Others think that I went too far and was cruel. My comment definitely hurt him and he left soon after.
Honestly it does annoy me when men do make similar comments when they never will experience pregnancy struggles I just never voiced it before. Why they feel that they are entitled to opinion when they will never know what’s it like?
Comments
To the people defending him- he wasn’t being cruel? All he had to do was not speak on something he doesn’t know about, but that was too difficult and his baby-man feelings got hurt. Wah.
Truth hurts sometimes.
Yeah? I don’t think there’s many contexts in which that kind of statement is appropriate.
I agree that he had no business commenting on your weight or other people’s, but there’s other ways to shut that down besides what you said.
Can you both be wrong for being mean to each other?
This guy can F right off.
He has no place to go around talking about women’s bodies and how they let themselves go or whatever.
I’ll never understand why he or anyone (regardless of gender) feel comfortable making commentary about other people’s bodies. There are a million variables that come into play in body shape and size.
It’s a weird clapback to say “no wonder no one has ever wanted to get pregnant by you”. A lot of people have sex to just have sex and not for the procreation part of it. I don’t think this comment to him was necessary.
It sounds like you tried to stop the conversation before that and this isn’t even a friend? An acquaintance thought it was appropriate to comment on your weight?
Honestly if anything you were too nice.