Was it true that in the 70s/80s people flirted more boldly in person? I feel like confidence at that age must have been so attractive š.
Was it true that in the 70s/80s people flirted more boldly in person? I feel like confidence at that age must have been so attractive š.
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A little before my time but a couple of factors suggest this was very likely true.
People were more socialised. Besides television (which was very limited in comparison with today) and cinema, leisure time was normally spent with other people rather than isolated at home behind a screen of one sort or another. People were therefore more confident and at ease in front of other people generally speaking.
There were less negative consequences, especially for men, in going up to someone and flirting overtly and paying compliments. While Iām sure the concept of the ācreepā was widely known then as well, it wasnāt aimed at everyone who so much looked at a woman and not were there the same implications from being labelled one. That also had its negative side, of course, since actual creeps felt more emboldened to act according to their nature. However, it also meant non-creeps also felt more confident in being assertive. Conversely, women are now much in a position to approach men and yet have not really embraced this opportunity in any meaningful way. Which results in dating and courtship becoming something of a lost art and results in increasing animosity and frustration between the sexes. Which all must be music to the ears of the Malthusians out thereā¦.š
Well, we had very few options to flirt otherwise. We could write letters or talk on the phone (local mostly, long distance was super expensive) but that was about it.
We generally had access to groups of people with whom to flirt. For example, in HS, in my small, rural community, weād meet up at a parking lot on Friday and Saturday nights. There would be kids from both high schools and we mingled. Nobody was walking around with their nose in a book or with headphones blocking out noise. You just had to be engaged.
But we were still young, still insecure, still goofy. Itās not like we were all smooth operators speaking. But I could start a conversation with a girl.
Watch 9 to 5. It was like that except most women didnāt get the revenge that made that movie popular with women. Women had to take it because women couldnāt get a bank loan or credit alone until 1974. Women couldnāt financially take care of themselves without a man so women tolerated being treated however men decided to treat us.
If women were just more passive and enjoyed the attention, 9 to5 wouldnāt have been so popular.
What changed was that more women went to college and got better jobs so we didnāt have to take it anymore.
People flirted more boldly in 2010 than they do now. The more people have used phones and social media the less skilled they have been at in person interactions. People no longer check out strangers, they’re too busy looking at their phones. They don’t chat up or flirt, they swipe.
I think we did. I wonder how much of that is due to the lack of social media when we were dating back then. Other than matchmaker services or video dating, you had to actually go out and meet people face to face. That builds more confidence than just interacting with a phone app. And even those services were just for introductions, you still had to go on a date in person.
Extroverted men did fine. Introverts like me not so much.
Whatās your personal exposure to flirting in the 70s? Were you there, or are you relying on what you see in movies?
Yes itās true. We had no other way to flirt except in person.
As a teen in the 80ās, Iāll admit I was kind of awkward, but never had a problem talking to a girl, had a few girlfriends, going out to the bar (turned 18 before the law changed) never really had a problem flirting, getting a phone number or hooking up. My HS GF and I dated for 8 years after HS, got into swinging, never had a problem getting to know other couples, singles, making connections.
As bad as things may have been back in the day, itās also too far the other way in some areas, thereās also a generational transition. During the week Iām a truck driver, on the weekends I drive for Uber. I routinely still hear guys in their late 20ās early 30ās, in between sports talk, commenting on how attractive a woman is, or how sheās dressed. But then I get several younger guys, and theyāre buried in their phones, and not having those conversations. The odd part, the comments I hear from women, sub 40, they comment about how shy and awkward guys are.
Another example of how itās shifted, couple weeks ago, coworker and I were delivering two trailers of lockers to a school being renovated. They brought in the football team to unload the trailers, 40 yards away, the cheerleaders were holding tryouts and a summer camp. In the 70ās, 80ās, heck even 15 years ago, the coaches would have been cracking whips to keep us motivated to unload and not be distracted, these guys seemed oblivious.
They were probably more wasted, which works like liquid courage for some. Men, especially older & often attached, would say everything you can imagine. Some touched & grabbed. Pushing back only made some more aggressive. Some women used to openly pursue verbally & physically especially attached men. This all still happens to some degree but back then it was extremely frequent throughout the day. Confidence has always been attractive. People feed on that too.
Everything in the 70ās and 80ās were in person. I guess we also talked for hours on land line phones or passed notes or wrote letters. But if you wanted someone to know you were interested, you had to let them know. No texting, no apps, no internet. You had to talk to people and ask them out face to face.
It was mandatory, not optional.
In the early 2000s, a young man in my office got married. I (and other colleagues my age) were astounded to learn that he asked her out on their first date via text.
Itās important to distinguish flirting from just basic conversation skills. There were guys then who prided themselves (few others agreed) on their pick-up line skills. Usually real groaners, unless they were so bad it was funny, and that could work if the guy was really good. Most werenāt. But mostly we just talked to women who looked interesting. On the other side, women expected this and mostly were good at either playing along if there was a hint of mutual interest, or shutting it down politely if there wasnāt. As a guy, we got good fast at hearing the āno thanksā and moved on. There wasnāt the slamming I hear young men talk about now. If a women had called a guy just trying to chat a ācreepā, she would have been shunned, not the man.
I was a chunky teen all the way through HS and college, but joined the Navy at 21. In OCS I lost 60 pounds and gained a triangular shape. ( Iām 6-3.) After I was commissioned women started to aggressively go after me. Really open invitations, especially where alcohol was involved. It was disconcerting, and threw a lot of my assumptions out the window. Women can be highly aggressive about looking for sex. IF youāre what they want.
When we were younger teens before we could drive, our parents would drop us off at the mall for the day. We wouldnāt even spend any money except maybe on a drink and a snack. All we did was walk up and down the mall. And we met other kids from other schools. Just hanging out, people watching, goofing off, socializing. Donāt was easier for flirting.
IDK if it was ‘flirting’ but when my uncle first saw my future aunt he said, “you look so sweet you’re giving me a toothache.” That was 1949.
I was not a āladies manā, but I do remember that if you wanted any attention or connection with someone you had to openly flirt and take some chances. I suppose it was in part because there werenāt dating apps. I donāt have first hand knowledge of how things work today because Iāve been married for a long long time
Yes. Men and women actually liked each other and enjoyed flirting and meeting new people. People received flirtation politely and you knew how to be kind about it if you chose to brush it off. Not everybody got wounded or offended by every little thing. As a woman, you expected to be hit on and could accept or decline. The scene today is unbearable because most men are walking on eggshells and a lot of women equate men flirting with them as some kind of offensive, chauvinistic attack. Itās all pathetic.
I was a major flirt in the 90s. Likeā¦in person lol I find todays standards and the way things are done so boring.
I donāt think that thereās any significant difference in flirting. Social skills overall were probably better just because there were no screens to hide behind.
Things were different pre AIDS I think. People were less cautious.
Considering you didn’t have many ways to meet people other than in person, you were either flirty or single.
Even in the 90s, I noticed women were a lot more, well, forward in expressing interest. And when I went on dates, we were both a lot more engaged in the actual conversation. I saw sincere effort being put forth.
And I was very awkward, autistic before it was a known thing. So I was the very last person you’d call a smooth operator.
Smartphones and dating apps have destroyed people’s ability to socialize and most importantly pay the person you’re with attention. So young people lack even the modest amount of in person social interaction experience I had. Then add in the lack of confidence from that lack, and the epic amount of distraction and overstimulation from those two, and dating has become torture for both genders.
We did not have a choice. If you didn’t meet people IRL, you didn’t meet people. There was no such thing as a virtual relationship and we didn’t have screens to hide behind. Boys were always trying creative ways to meet girls and girls were trying to find ways to get the boys attention.
There was no place to go and call up a list of potential dates within a 10 mile radius. We had to go out into the big scary world and actually work at socializing. Some were better than others at it, but every person had to do it or become the scary person who lived in their parents basement.
Yes. Social media and the internet have stunted some younger people. You met people by walking up and talking to them.
True. Pre internet. All we had to work with were our social skills.
We did. Us guys thought we had young Rob Lowe energy when in fact we had Chunk vibes. Never the less we all had confidence and won some and lost some.
they could hardly flirt online.
People were more polite.
It’s true, and it was not attractive!Ā
I actually have younger women in my life because of this and they say it’s partially because of this. I only 46 so I wasn’t flirting until the 90’s but I’m very comfortable approaching and chatting with and flirting with people. Younger women tell me that they love it because men their age can’t do it.
It was ok for men be very bold and rude. If you ignored you were a bitch or a ice queen or a fucking lezzie.
You had to be a “good sport” even in the workplace and accept comments on you body, face, and ok with strangers touching you.
Face to face was the only way to meet people. But that said it’s a fine line between flirting and sexual harassment.
Iām old, and I received overt, unwanted attention nearly every time I went out. I was cat-called, whistled at, honked at. I had my bum slapped, and pinched, etc. (I still remember having my boob groped by a waiter handing me a menu, who grinned at me afterwards). Men would lean in and invade my personal space, call me, āhoney,ā and ābaby,ā etc. They thought it was flirting. I thought it was intrusive, rude, and sometimes scary. I was taught to smile, and artfully dodge these obnoxious assholes.
When I had two beautiful daughters, I told them they didnāt have to āgrin and bear it,ā like my mother taught me. They have so much more confidence than I did. Beyond that, they each married wonderful men who actually respect and cherish them. Unlike me, who was divorced at 39 from a man who made jokes about me, in front of me to his friends, (āSheās just the way I like her, quiet, pregnant and making me a sandwich!ā) He thought it was hilarious to clap his hands and say, āWench! Bring the lads another round!ā
Iām lucky Iām not in prison for mariticide**
Oh yes, absolutely. People were much more apt to talk to each other and flirt more openly in public. Mainly it was because that was the only way to get to know someone was to step to them in public and chat them up.
Confidence is a desirable thing in men; not so much in women. It wasn’t so much “confidence” as it was that that was how you got to know someone. Confidence isn’t “attractive”, really – you still had to be good looking to get a woman’s attention, and the best looking men still got all the women.
Absolutely true. 90s too. It was just one of the normal facets of a broad set of social skills that most people developed back then, well before adulthood.
Well, you had to flirt in person. One big advantage to that was that you learned how to read non-verbal cues. You could tell if that person across the room was interested, so that made it easier to strike up a conversation with them. If two people were on a date, the guy could usually tell if the girl wanted him to kiss her (and it was almost always the guy making the first move). I feel like young people nowadays haven’t learned how to read those signals because they spend so little time interacting with other people in person.
Of course, that was just my experience. Others might disagree.
Yes, both sides were aware that it was one giant fun game. Neither side was sitting here waiting for their 15 seconds of fame by being an performative A-hole
yeah people were bolder because you either shot your shot in person or you didnāt shoot it at all
no dating apps no sliding into dms just eye contact and conversation
rejection stung but it also built thicker skin and way more confidence than hiding behind screens does today
Yes, but it wasn’t really confidence, it was just the way things were done. It’s not like your home phone had a dating app on it. It was just a phone (look it up.) If you didn’t ask someone out in person, you weren’t going to date them at all.
The advantage was that the worst thing that might happen would be that she’d say no. She wouldn’t video it and post it online talking about “OMG!! This creep actually came over and talked to me!”
We did everything in person lol
Social media was not a thing
When I was in university, we had a leave no woman behind policy in my friend group for bars and parties. Not openly discussed but implicitly understood by a vast majority of young women was also that men would absolutely not hesitate to overpower a woman who was drunk or high. It was also understood by women that even if you were sober, NOBODY would believe regarding SA and related violence unless you were wearing a sun’s habit.
The fact that people were more social in the 70’s and 80’s did not make them better humans.
I saw somebod say up thread that women were ” more polite” yes because they did not have a choice.
Yes, but also “sexual harassment” wasn’t really a recognized thing and a lot of “flirting” crossed that line.
Of course. How else were people going to find romance when there was no internet, cell phones, social media, texting.
Especially in England where I’m form, even local phone calls cost money and unlike the USA, most people didn’t have answer machines either. You went out where there were other people and if you liked someone you tried to get their attention.
Confidence at any age is attractive. Cockiness is not, which many people confuse, but confidence. I work on it. I’m not 70 yet so maybe I’ll get there.
But it was simply a skill you had to develop. You couldn’t just swipe left (right? I don’t know, I don’t use those things)
It’s also easy once you figure it out. It sounds cheesy, and it probably is, but people like to talk about themselves. They react positively to compliments. They can read your level of attention. Once you realize that, flirting is pretty easy.
To be really cynical there’s an old saying. Sincerity. Once you can fake that you’ve got it made.
Just watched the film āshampooā from 1975 (Warren Beatty, Julie Christie, Goldie Hawn and others in a great cast). Thereās your answer, rent that. Keep in mind this was years before AIDS.
Sure, that was the only way to flirt. Some were more bold than others. Heck, I propositioned my wife’s mother before I flirted with my wife-to-be in the late 70’s.
It was common for people of the 70’s and 80’s (and later before cellphones) to actually talk to each other with interest. Sometimes we felt awkward at first but over time, we got used to it.
Younger people now think we are “overly aggressive” just because we still engage in conversation and openly flirt. In a group made up of all ages together for the express purpose of mingling the people under 35 were just lost when it came to trying to keep conversation flowing. It actually gets tiresome trying to engage with them.
Yep! And confidence still is attractive!
The idea of interpreting most new interactions as dangerous and hostile is newish. Like the benefit of the doubt is gone.
And the anxiety around āomg what if the conversation is awkwardā like that is the worst thing that could ever happen seems to be another newish thing.
We did and it was great.
Yep, we used to go out to the pubs and clubs looking for women, beer was secondary.
It happened in the 90s and 2000s too. As a matter of fact it has been happening in every decade in the history of mankind until this one.
Well, yeah, but it was less taboo for adults to flirt with children back then, too, so it wasn’t all great (that was more a creepy 70’s thing than an 80’s thing, though, thank goodness).
What else could one do? Seriously. There were no cell phones, apps, internet, etc. You either talked to a person on a landline, or face-to-face. There was no other option.
We didnāt have computers to hide behind
You gotta play to win!
Some of it I think also stems from this modern ideology that we shouldnāt ācatch feelingsā and seem too keen – like isnāt that the point of dating? To express interest and find someone who makes you feel some sort of way
I recently watched vanderpump villas (I know trash tv) and no one would openly admit they ālikedā anyone
āShe caught my attentionā was the closest anyone would admit to ālikingā someone
I’m male and was high-school age in the early ’70s. I was pretty shy and didn’t do well at dances or things like that. I realized later that the girls I ended up going out with (4 of them) all approached me. They initiated the contact. One sent her girl friend over to say “Suzie likes you” (this was at a summer job). One came up to me cold in the hallway at school, near the end of the year, basically asking me to be her boyfriend for the summer. I hadn’t even really met her before, and she was like 2-3 years older.
We learned to socialize, because that was the only way to meet people, especially of the opposite sex. You learned to gain confidence through constantly talking, flirting, and just being around the other sex. You would ask someone out for a date or to go to some kind of function a few days in advance, so that you both had time to prepare, and if you were male, you would try to scrape together a couple of extra dollars, so that you could pay for the date. If they said no, you took it, and moved on. There were other fish in the sea, if you didn’t mind swimming for a little while.
I think that the internet, and smartphones, has been the fall of communication between the sexes. And actually society as a whole. When people look at you funny, just because you said hello, something just doesn’t seem right.
I’ve learned quite a bit recently, as my grandson(15), and his bandmates, have been coming out for the weekends all summer, to record in my studio. I have to collect their phones while working, just so that they can stay focused on the task at hand. I can’t understand their constant need to be connected, while they are busy working on something else. I even caught 2 texting each other, instead of just talking to one another. I just don’t understand that. They’re right next to you, why do you need to text them?
Times have definitely changed.
Yeah but you could look back and weād call it harassment or catcalling now. Or assault. Hashtag not all flirting
Back then you could say nice ass and no one would get offended too.
We didn’t have our faces in the phone!
Iām so glad I was older when cell phones came out. I would not want to grow up today. Everyoneās face is in their phone. No normal (to me) interactions any more.
Yes.
100%. We werenāt afraid of being called Weinstein.
Yea well it was that or not go out… You guys forget the internet really didn’t catch on till like the 90’s and even then it was super limited. going out was our facebook and reddit. Except they could punch you in the face…
Sure was
True. Just seemed right.
In retrospect now, it seems creepy and disrespectful.
Of course, now we’re all scared shitless of it…with good reason.
So it goes.
Well if you donāt do it in person you kinda didnāt do itā¦
Happened in the 90ās and 20-aughts as well ya whipper-snapper
Lots flirting in my Jr. High and High School, though I never took part and didn’t really understand it. Up to and including when the hottest girl in HS, an exchange student from the Netherlands, flirted with me and I had no clue what she was doing. On the dark side, I also witnessed ton of overt sexual assaults that were brushed off as flirting. Esp. in Jr. High, before the girls figured out what was going on. So it wasn’t all great.
You didnāt have social media to hide behind.
Absolutely. We had to interact and talk with one another. No cell phone, no email, text, or social media. If you needed to talk and were not home, you had to use a pay phone. Asking out a girl was the only way to date. You would meet at bars, roller skating rinks, dance halls, etcā¦
Overall people were more engaging with each other. Yes, many things were horrible and Iām glad those things have changed, but I wish we could have addressed the bad issues without defaulting to detached, impassive disinterest. Even when people arenāt staring at their phones they have a zombie like stare when wandering around.
We used to be more aware of personal space, common courtesy had a much different definition and polite interaction was the norm.
Now weāre all main characters in our own little worlds where everyone is an inconvenient NPC, avoiding eye contact and real connections because we assume everyone else will be as judgmental as we are. Social media interactions have exacerbated this. We have no problem judging/attacking someone we donāt know at all based on comments that may have been taken out of context, and itās spilling out into the real world. Also, most people were willing to admit when they were wrong. That doesnāt seem to be a thing anymore.
The irony in all of this is I met my wife online in 2003. Our initial connection was digital, but I still had to charm and flirt once we connected. Still doā¦š¤£
Just the other day I told my wife of almost 4 decades I would love to be 20 today with the confidence and looks I had in the late 1970ās early 80ās.
The smaller amount of competition by other confident outgoing guys seems like it would make it even more fun than back in the day.
She once again called me a whore.
People, yes. Me? God no. Always been an introvert, shy, awkward, at times very socially avoidant. Personal ads worked far better for me. Meeting the opposite sex IRL was absolutely brutal in my teens 1970s and 20s 1980s, better in my 30s with some confidence gained.
Yes. Flirting was fun. No one was looking at screens.
You HAD to do it in person, it was the only way š¤·āāļø
Flirting had to be done in person. There was no other option. You learned how to do it, or you stayed single. That’s it.
Communication overall was far better back then.
Totally depended on who was doing the flirting. I remember one guy who was All That to all women. The problem was that he was a giant annoyance and never clued into it!
Nothing has changed!
I know that I did. I never lacked the confidence to chat up a girl no matter how far she was out of my league. If she wasn’t interested, so what?
Yes. 60s, too.
Life was very different without dating apps, texting, social networks and all the other tools that define modern dating life.
Yeah, I flirted, I flirted my pants off.
All the time. And it wasnāt always subtle.
We didnāt have an internet. But we did have bars.
Liquid courage.
Yes. Well into the 90s, too.
People are more paranoid of each other now. Itās truly sad.
Life before the internet and #MeToo was wild.
Met some exchange university students from Montreal while I was working in Med Hat. Two of the girls wanted me to come to their āotel reumā for a ājack yew seeā. I diddnāt know wtf they were talking about, so I said no.
My dumb country ass was bouncing my rig back up 41 highway the next day, when I realized they were saying āhotel room has a jacuzziā. š¤·š½āāļø
So much for bold flirting!š¹
That was the only way to flirt. I am introverted, took some time and practice but I managed. My first experiences were going to the club and asking someone to dance. Hanging out with my friends who mastered flirting taught me a lot. I was the wing man most times but always seemed to hook up by the end of the night.
It all comes down to probability. Ask 10 girls and you usually get vibes from someone
Yes, believe it or not. Interpersonal relationships used to be held “IN PERSON” not via txt message. We used to go out and meet people face to face and talk and drink and fight and laugh and all the things that humans are supposed to do.
I was a 20 something single man in the mid-80ās and fondly remember two overt come ons from women in the office. Things were much more fun back then and much less āup-tightā.
I still flirt boldly in person so how would I know if things have changed?
no social media barrier
Here’s the thing… hook-up culture wasn’t nearly as pervasive. Flirting wasn’t necessarily a prelude to sex and/or dating. Sometimes we flirted just for the fun of it. Probably half of my history of it was with gay men. It was just a way of letting someone know you consider them attractive. There was no promise that you’d do anything about it.
With low stakes like that, it doesn’t take much confidence.
Yes, it’s true, because we actually went out of the house to other places. Didn’t matter where it was, but the last thing you wanted to do was to be hanging around the house. So when large groups of people gather, usually there’s some flirting going on. I miss those times, what a blast to be alive then, always so much to do with so any other people. Now we just have… computers…
Some, yes, and it was using some cliched phrases.
The results were the same, unwed pregnancies.
What other options were there? Of course it was in person.
yup.. had to talk face to face.. there was NOT an app for that… not even cell phones really… met my now wife of over 30 year in a mall parking lot after a midnight movie with friends… it wasn’t confidence, it was necessity… we weren’t all confident, just as scare as you are.. but also the entire world would not know when we fell on our face.. which was a bonus.