Watching Naked and Afraid and

My husband (34m) and I (37f) started watching the show Naked and Afraid and we’re now a few seasons in. In every episode of the regular version of the show (not the spinoffs) a woman and a man who are initially strangers have to survive in the wild for 21 days. It’s hard and stressful and there does not seem to be any time for “reality show” type drama, so what I have been seeing is male-female interactions that are laid out for us to unpack.

This show has led to lots of interesting conversations based on what we see these male-female duos going through. For example:
– division of labor (what’s fair?!)
– roles of leadership, subordination, equality
– gender as it relates to ways of handling disappointment, insecurity, anger
– communication that is helpful vs. unhelpful
– having to step away from gender expectations to increase chances of success
– showing vs hiding emotions from each other
– willingness to learn from a person of the other gender, and willingness to teach, and whether they are comfortable with those roles
– willingness to praise the other person for effort and/or success
– willingness to apologize, admit shortcomings, forgive, make an effort to repair, or hold grudges
– risk-taking behavior as it relates to gender norms
– ability to put attraction to the side when it’s uninvited
– and much much more!

I can only imagine how useful watching this show would have been for me when I was starting to date a guy early on. I feel like I could’ve used it as a screening tool.

Maybe things like…
Would my date find gender-based division of labor and power to be acceptable?
Would he only point out the times that the woman was being mean, but not the times where the man was? (Because there are examples of both)
Would he be able to point out examples where the two were cooperating well together? Would I agree with him?
Would the way he talks about these woman (who he is not dating) be meaner or in any way different than he talks about me? (As in, is he just being sweet to me now because he is attracted to me, but otherwise might not be so nice?)

Maybe it would have shortened a couple of my more toxic relationships.

Even as a married couple, the show is a good way for my husband and I to reiterate what our values are, what we think is fair and reasonable. I’m not saying that straight couples shouldn’t talk directly to each other about their own specific relationship stuff because they definitely should, but talking about OTHER male-female teams as a supplement can definitely open up the conversation without the pain and pressure of it being about us. Not all guys are raised to want to have random chats about how to communicate and relate to one another, and this show has made it happen in a very palatable way.

Just to be clear, I know that there are limits to this show, and I do wish that we could see some nonbinary and intersex representation on the show, as well as maybe 2 males or 2 females. I’m not sure why the show insists on the strict male-female thing, but I do see opportunities to talk about the way that males and females relate to each other.

Are there any other shows or movies that you all have watched with a partner that have revealed how they feel about gender roles?