i (22f) have been dating my boyfriend (22m) for 6 months. when we first met, everything clicked. we had the same interests, same values, and we could always find things to talk about. i felt like i had met someone who truly understood me inside and he it was the first person i actually wanted to be intimate with, and it wasn’t rushed.
3 months ago, we got into a huge argument. we were at a friends house and i drank too much. it was a pure accident as i only drank to finish the alcohol for my friends and i thought i could handle it. turns out, i couldn’t and my friends and boyfriend called EMS because i was unconscious. i didn’t handle it well at all and called him and his friends cowards (likely because it was my first time in this situation and i was genuinely freaked out). my boyfriend didn’t go to the hospital with me and just kept texting that if i didn’t get my act together, he was going to break up with me. we didn’t end up breaking up that day because i was able to pull myself together.
a few days later, i was so worried one of the friends involved was done with me. i was inadvertently lashing out at him and he told me that if it continued, we’d have a serious conversation about our relationship. he still didn’t leave though and told me he still loved me and that’s the reason he was still there for me.
i want to preface that i have stopped drinking since that day. first because i want to restore my boyfriend’s trust in me that he doesn’t have to be in a vulnerable place like that ever again. secondly, i am studying for the LSAT so i can apply to law school and i want to be able to study effectively. i also did talk to my boyfriend about this day and my anxieties stemming from it. he told me he was trying to set a boundary and that he was not going to actually break up with me.
we are currently long distance and we have had had several great moments together. he flew me out to his hometown (he paid for half of my plane ticket) and we had a great weekend together where he showed me the places he loved as a kid. he also wants me to come down to visit him in the next 2 months or so. yet, i still hear these words inside my head and i’m always worried he will find someone better. i feel like he was so ready to give up on everything in that moment and wanted to believe that i wasn’t enough for him, even through our good moments. i know he didn’t mean it, but i want to believe him and i want to have full confidence that i am a great girlfriend (even though he tells me all the time that i am). is my ego just hurt, or am i just anxiously attached? i feel like every little thing is just a threat to our relationship: the time he said he couldn’t pay for meals to save money for grad school, the fact that he’s still friends with his situationship that broke his heart, it’s all so stupid. i want to get my confidence back, but i’m unsure where to start.
tl:dr: boyfriend threatened to break up with me so i’d straighten up. he didn’t actually want to do it, but i still can’t get past it because i feel like he was thinking about it since he did say it
Comments
In the beginning of a new relationship it’s easier to leave if someone isn’t what you want before you’re too deep in. You both are aware it’ll hurt less maybe that’s where he was coming from. Do you want him to be more thought for meals? Maybe even cheap meals? Maybe that’s where you get the ick and paying half your ticket when he’s the one inviting you down.