Eta: we chose to move here because the rest of our family and all of our friends are here.
.
.
My husband and i have lived about 5hrs away from my inlaws (for his work) for the last 6 years. He is leaving that job and so we have bought our first home in his hometown (mine sucks!), about 20mins from his parents.
MiL has told all her friends and colleagues, who we do not know, that we are moving up – and she has told them the exact address were moving to and the name of the couple we are buying the house from. As well as looking through the couples social media profiles and messaging about who they are and what they do for a living etc.
We really only want family and our close friends to know were moving, and we wanted to tell them ourselves, but it feels like that has been taken from us as MiL has already pretty much told half of the town .
My husband and I are quite private people, we have had “run ins” with MiL before and when we set boundaries, she cuts us off for months and makes out to everyone that were the bad guys.
Our sellers didnt have any for sale signs etc up so we would hate for it to get back to them that half the town knows theyre moving/selling because MiL has told them. Especially as we do not know the circumstances or if they even want people to know and, like us are quite private people too.
Are we overreacting by asking her to respect both ours and the sellers privacy by asking her not to share this information outside of the family?
Comments
Quick Rule Reminders:
OP’s needs come first, avoid dramamongering, respect the flair, and don’t be an asshole. If your only advice is to jump straight to NC or divorce, your comment may be subject to removal at moderator discretion.
^(Full Rules) ^(|) ^(Acronym Index) ^(|) ^(Flair Guide)^(|) ^(Report PM Trolls)
Resources: ^(In Crisis?) ^(|) ^(Tips for Protecting Yourself) ^(|) ^(Our Book List) ^(|) ^(Our Wiki)
Welcome to /r/JUSTNOMIL!
I’m botinlaw. I help people follow your posts!
^(To be notified as soon as Humpback_Mac posts an update) [^click ^here.](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=botinlaw&subject=Subscribe&message=Subscribe HumpbackMac JUSTNOMIL) ^(|) ^(For help managing your subscriptions,) [^(click here.)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki.2Fu.2Fthejustnobot)
^(I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please) ^(contact the moderators of this subreddit) ^(if you have any questions or concerns.)
MIL needs to be on the old info diet.
I definitely don’t think that you’re over reacting. I probably would start by having your husband tell his mom very frankly that you both do not appreciate her sharing the news without permission to people you do not know. I would offer a generic statement like “we are private people who want to keep our personal information protected and we do not want to cause issues for the seller.” Unfortunately what’s done is done but at least if a conversation is had it can be referenced later when she claims to not understand what she has done wrong. And from now on I would absolutely keep her on an information diet, never ever answer the door to her if she drops by unannounced (or for any of her friends) because that teaches her that she can get away with it. I would also change every single lock, get at least one door security camera, and not ever give her a spare key.
“If you can’t stop broadcasting our lives to everyone you meet, we’re going to stop including you in our lives.”
As it stands now, she needs to be the last person to find out if you ever decide to have children. And if she cuts you off for that, then take that gift for what it is and let her throw her tantrum. When she comes crawling back to you, you make her inclusion in your lives conditional on her following the rules.
Nope, you’re not overreacting. She’s already shown she doesn’t respect boundaries. Ask her to knock it off, but don’t expect her to listen. Your husband needs to step up and reinforce this boundary too.
Nope, not overreacting. She’s treating your life like small-town gossip fuel. Total breach of privacy, and honestly just weird.
Now you know you can’t tell her anything.
Shame you both didn’t find a new town to live in instead of going to within 20 mins of his mother.
Yikes. Is it too late to find a different house in a different town, preferably on the other side of the continent?
Ooh boy. Call her out and let her know: this will impact what you share with her in the future. There was absolutely no need or reason to make sure every single person in a 5 mile radius and their dog knew all these exact details and you need her to exhibit more self control and judgement. When she cries and claims she just wanted to share her joy or whatever, nope, no pity. Why was exact address and details important to “joy”? Why wasn’t “they’re moving back” to her actual friends sufficient? She’s now on a need to know basis (and you’ll find what she actually needs to know is pretty minimal) and from experience: be mindful of what info is available around your houses ie: bills laying out, things written in the calendar etc…
Not overreacting. Time to keep her on an information diet. Learn to gray rock.
You’re not overreacting. It’s reasonable to want to keep your personal life and home private, especially when you’ve had issues with your mother-in-law in the past. You could talk to your husband about how you’re feeling and see if you can both agree on a plan to address this issue. Maybe you could have a calm conversation with your mother-in-law about respecting your boundaries and the sellers’ privacy.